Tag Archives: marriage

Trenton Bugs Out

Chapter 3: Trenton Bugs Out

Trent with Chewy in the basket! Yes, that's our Maybe Baby!

Trent with Chewy in the basket lookin like ET!

“If I don’t have coupons, I can’t buy anything!” Mae protested. “Please give me the scissors!”

Trenton gave Mae a tired laugh but held the scissors out of her reach. “Tell me you love me.” He grinned.

“I love you, ya dumbass, now give me the scissors.”

Trent handed them over and received a kiss for ransom. “I’m heading straight for the shower. You wouldn’t believe the day I had.”

He went into the bedroom and emptied his pockets onto his dresser. He yelled over his shoulder back at Mae. “Raul thought he’d be funny and loosened the cap on the bulk jug of red curry. Guess how many gallons of house dressing we had to make to balance out about a cup of the stuff.”

“No idea,” she yelled back.

“Well, considering that we use about a tablespoon per gallon… ” He grabbed a towel from the linen shelf, flung it over his shoulder and went into the bathroom.

“How many?” Mae snipped a coupon for buy-one-get-one-free rotini pasta (limit 12) and set it aside just in case she found a better one.

“Sixteen!” Trenton turned on the hot water and eased his tired muscles under the shower head.

Mae came in with a Pennysaver and her scissors. “Sixteen gallons of dressing?”

“Yeah,” Trent said between soapy splashes. “We won’t be able to use it all. Wouldn’t go through that much before it started going bad. Gonna donate it to a shelter or something.”

“Gonna give’m the lettuce and tomatoes to make the salad too?” Mae quipped.

“I don’t know. I’m sure it’ll work out.”

“Sixteen gallons of dressing,” Mae said with a laugh.

“Can’t hear you!” Trenton had shampoo and soap and hot water running everywhere.

“I said,” Mae yelled, “sixteen gallons of…. OH MY GOD THAT IS SUCH A WEIRD-LOOKING BUG!”

“BUG??” Trenton’s irrational fear of anything with six or more legs overcame his rational need to remain upright, and he lifted a leg to flee the tub. The problem was, his face and beard were covered in soapy water, and the floor of the tub was too.

Before Mae could explain the full situation, Trent was feet up and butt down, and in spite of a probable broken rib, Mae burst out laughing.

“I know it’s not funny, but are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” Trent painfully pulled himself up and wiped the soap from his eyes. He stepped very carefully out of the tub, and looked at Mae’s strange bug.

“It’s just this weird ant,” said Mae. “Look, really.”

Trenton’s breath hitched from the pain in his side. “I just fell over a fucking ANT?”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t going to make this day any better.” He stepped back in the shower. “Had to go in early because the prep guy called in sick, had to stay late because Raul had to be a prankster, now I think I -*ow!*- broke a rib over a…” He leaned out of the shower to drive his point home to Mae face to face. “Because of a freakin’ ANT!”

On the word ‘ant’, Trent’s enthusiasm got a little too much momentum going, and he lost his balance. This time, he managed to pull a disco twirl and almost did the splits before falling (again) on his side (again) and cracking a rib (if not before, then now, again).

Mae rushed to the tub and turned off the water. “Trent! Are you okay?”

He moaned out, “Not really,” before refusing to talk in exchange for focusing on trying to breathe without too much excruciating pain. He pointed to his side and mouthed, “Broke.”

“Shit,” was all Mae had to say. She stood up and looked at her naked husband laying in the tub, covered in soap and water, and holding his side. She bit her lip; she covered her mouth; she even held her nose to see if that would help, but no. She started laughing again.

“You know I’m going to have to get someone to help you out of there and get you to the urgent care, right?”

Trenton rolled his eyes and sent telepathic messages to his dear wife that she’d better stop laughing and just get him some help.

“I’ll call Steve; be right back.”

***

Trent lay in his recliner, and Mae brought him some sweet tea. “Thanks, babe.”

“I’m sorry I laughed, but it was funny.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“How are the pain pills working?” Mae put an afghan over his legs and stroked his forehead. “Is the pain better?”

Trenton nodded. “A bit. Hurts like hell to breathe though.”

“Just relax. I’ll take good care of ya.”

A knock at the door called Mae away. She opened the door and Darlene ran right in.

“I heard about poor Trent. Is he gonna be all right?” Darlene looked around. “Where is he? I wanna tell him to get well soon.”

Mae held on to Darlene’s arm. “He’s resting. Tomorrow might be better.”

“But we just got back from our camping trip at the river, and heard the news, and I came right over. Can’t I just see him a minute?”

“What is it you really want, Darlene?”

“Well,” Darlene gave Mae a sheepish smile, “if it’s not too much trouble, I was wondering if he’d sell me a couple of his pain pills. What’d he get? Oxycodone? Tramadol? Vicodin?”

“He’s in a lot of pain and needs his meds.”

“Oh I’m sure he’ll feel better by tomorrow. Maybe he could spare one or two just for tonight. How about twenty dollars?”

“Darlene.” Mae put her hands on her hips.

“You don’t have to get uppity about it. I just came over to wish him a speedy recovery.”

“Yup.”

“Well, if he changes his mind…”

“Bye, Darlene.” Mae helped her out the door and shut it. “Ugh. Sometimes that woman…”

“Who was it?” Trenton’s painful voice came from the next room.

Mae walked in to him. “Darlene. She wants to buy your pain pills.”

“Figures. Thought she and Randy were camping.”

“Me too. She said they just got back tonight. Anyway, she said to tell you she wishes you a speedy recovery.”

“And my pills.”

They shared a laugh and the door rattled with another knock.

“If that’s her again, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Mae said and stormed off to the front door.

Steve and Ruth stood there. Ruth held a casserole, and Steve held a stack of magazines.

“Oh, it’s you. Come on in.” Mae opened the door all the way. “He’s in there.” She pointed Steve in the right direction while she and Ruth went to the kitchen.

***

“Hey, man. You look okay to me. Wanna go toss some shoes?” Steve sat down near Trent and put the magazines in his lap.

“Very funny.”

“It was when I got you out of the tub.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me.”

“You’re sexy when you’re naked and wet.” Steve barely kept a straight face.

“If I could move, I’d break your ribs!” Trenton groaned and looked at the magazines.

“I thought you could use something to keep you occupied while you’re fixin’ up.” Steve pointed to the one on top. “That one’s from the barbershop I go to. I haven’t looked in it, but it’s got some travel stuff. Thought you might like it.”

Trenton shuffled through the stack of magazines. “Better Homes & Gardens?”

“Well, that one was from Ruth.”

They heard a knock at the door and Mae’s voice answering. From the other room they heard her say, “I guess so. Come on.”

Maggie and Rob squeezed into the room.

“Oh you poor thing,” Maggie said. “Here. I fixed up some liniment from my grandma’s recipe. It’ll help heal those ribs up in no time. Rub it on three times a day.”

Trent took the small jar and opened it. His nose didn’t get within ten inches before being assaulted by a spicy odor more pungent than a cup of red curry. He slammed the lid back on. “Thanks, Maggie.”

“We just wanted to tell you to get better soon, and if you need anything, just holler.” Rob held his hand out as if to shake with Trent, but Trent just looked at it and gave Rob a look that said, ‘really?’ Rob’s hand went awkwardly to his side. “Uh, well, I guess we’ll go and let you recuperate. Call us, okay?”

“Okay, will do,” Trent said through clenched teeth. “Damn this hurts.”

As Maggie and Rob left, Darlene went right in past them into Trent’s recovery room. “Hey, Trent, I’m so sorry to hear about your accident, and I was just wondering if…”

“Darlene Wheelock, get on back home!” Mae stormed in and pointed to the door.

“Come on, I just want to ask one little question.” She turned to Trent. “How about twenty dollars?”

Trent’s eyes widened. “What the hell?”

“The answer is no; now get on home before I call Randy to come drag you home!” Mae was in her war stance: hands on hips, feet apart, head down, and eyes full of fire.

“Thirty?”

Mae grabbed Darlene by the arm and dragged her to the door.

“Thirty-five, and that’s my final offer!” She hollered up the steps as she was being put down them.

“I’m sorry, but your account is no longer in good standing, and your transaction has been declined,” Mae said, and shut the door in Darlene’s face.

“What was she on about?” Trent asked.

“Guess.” Mae looked at the prescription bottle on the table.

Steve, Ruth, and Trent, all at once rolled their eyes and said, “Ohhh. Yeah.”

“We’d better be going too. Call me.” Ruth gave Mae a little hug and patted Trent’s arm.

“See ya, buddy. But not like I saw you this afternoon. Ever. I hope.” Steve saluted Trent, and he and Ruth went out the door.

Mae locked it and turned out the porch light.

As they got into bed, Mae turned to Trent and kissed his cheek. “Sixteen gallons, huh?”

They grinned, and Trent grunted.

“Shut up. I love you.”

“Love you too. ‘Night.”

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Chapter Two: Maegan Hagan’s Most Wanted

****Author’s Note** I will be releasing a new chapter every Wednesday and Thursday. Please let me know what you think in the comments section of the blog!

town

Chapter Two: Maegan Hagan’s Most Wanted

Mae met Huck on a Thursday. She remembered because Thursdays always seemed to not quite fit in with the rest of her week. Mondays were easy to understand; they consisted of coffee and data entry at work . Tuesdays and Wednesdays were business as usual. Fridays were the light at the end of her workweek tunnel, but Thursdays? Thursdays were too close to Friday and too far from Monday. This particular Thursday, she came home from working all day at the bank and pulled into the driveway, noticing a strange man mowing Steve and Ruth’s yard next door.

Ruth came out of her trailer, drying her hands with a dish towel. “Hey, bestie! How was your day?”

The friends gave each other a quick hug. Mae shrugged and said, “It was Thursday.”

Ruth laughed, “Oh yeah, I forgot about Thursdays.”

“Who’s the guy doing your yard?” Mae nodded at the scruffy-haired, shirtless, skinny man who had to pause every four steps to pull up his sagging jeans.

Ruth rolled her eyes. “That’s Huck. He’s a friend of a friend of my brother’s cousin. They asked if he could stay with us for a while. His old lady kicked him out, and he needed a place to stay until he gets on his feet.”

“Get on his feet? How old is he?”

“Forty” Ruth laughed and said sheepishly. “I know, not a kid. But they said he was a good guy, and I couldn’t stand thinking that I could be responsible for him being homeless if we didn’t help.”

“Ruth, sometimes your heart is way too big,” Mae laughed. “Well, maybe we can have him mow for us too. I have to get in now, though. Trenton is working a little late, so I’m going to start dinner.”

“Oh hey, how about we just grub it together tonight? We’ll bring the meat and a jug of sweet tea. You’ll get to meet Huck, too.”

“That would be awesome. I’ll toss up a salad and whip up some tater salad. I think we have some PBR in the fridge. I’ll bring that too.”

The ladies performed their ritual high five followed by a hip bump and wink. “See you around seven, then?”

“Sounds great.”

***

“Trenton, if you had a pet name for me, what would it be?” Mae rolled over in bed and snuggled up against him.

“Huh?”

“Well, like Ruth’s friend out there tonight. Said his name is Huck. I’m guessing short for Huckleberry or something. Funny name, but anyway, what would you nickname me?”

Trenton rolled over and Mae reached up and scratched his bearded chin. “I would call you… Fluffy.”

“Fluffy?” Mae sat up and put her hands on her hips. “I’m not a dog.!”

Trenton sat up and put his arms around her and pulled her back to bed. “Nope. You’re not. But I like your fluffy, round ass.”

He gave her a light smack on her fluffiness, and she giggled, pulled the covers over their heads, and snuggled her fluffiness against her favorite bearded man.

***

“Did you hear about Ace National? They were robbed just a while ago.”

Mae turned to her coworker, Cheyenne. “No. Like, just today?”

“Yeah. The guy got away, too” Cheyenne said matter-of-factly. She then slammed a stack of files down in her cube. Mae had a nagging feeling in her stomach, and something told her to turn on the news. Mae always had a weird sixth sense that no one, (not even herself,) understood. “This is a camera shot of the man who robbed Ace this morning. As usual, it’s a little fuzzy, but his face is fairly clear. Take a good look and call our anonymous tip line if you have any information regarding this robbery.”

Mae looked at the news footage. She looked at the video on the screen and thought the man looked familiar, but in her position, she’d seen every facial shape hundreds of times. Suddenly it hit her-it was Huck.

***

Mae and Ruth sat at the fire pit, sipping sweet tea and catching up on their day. “All I can say is T.G.I.F.!”

Trenton and Steve left their man-huddle on Steve’s stoop. Trenton grabbed the spikes and horseshoes from the Rubbermaid chest behind his trailer, and Steve and Ruth stood in the places where Trenton could hammer the spikes into the ground.

“You know what’s kind of funny?” Mae asked Trenton while she swung a horseshoe to within half a foot of the spike in front of Ruth.

“I can think of a few things,” he said.

“I saw the news with the security cameras at Ace. The guy reminded me of Huck a little.” She tossed a ringer, clapped her hands and put them up in the air. “Yes!”

“Lucky shot,” Ruth teased. “Not surprising. Huck looks like every other freeloader.” She chuckled and picked up the shoes.

“No, really. The more I think about it, the more I really think it was him.”

“Mae, you been drinking Mad Dog 20/20 again?” Steve elbowed Mae at the joke and laughed.

“Nooo. And don’t crack about diabetes from the sugar in my tea, either.”

Trenton stood behind their stake. “If you look at anyone long enough, they start to look familiar, hon. That’s all. It’s just a coincidence.”

“Besides,” Ruth said, “I LIVE with the guy and even I think it was someone else.”

“Just toss, will ya?” Mae played the game, but in her mind she was certain of two things-two plus two is four, AND HUCK ROBBED ACE NATIONAL BANK!

“One more round, then I’ve got to eat something,” Steve said.

Just then, a little Honda Civic pulled up, and a driver in a red shirt and a blue cap got out and carried an armful of pizzas over to them.

“Here ya go. Where do you want’em?”

They heard the trailer door slam, and Huck came out sporting a nice haircut. He joined the group and pulled out a shiny, new leather wallet attached by a long silver chain to his brand new jeans. “I got this. How much?”

“Fifty-seven forty-five.”

“Here’s eighty. Keep the change.”

The driver grinned and thanked him then ran back to his car and took off.

“Y’all have been so nice to me, I thought I’d buy dinner tonight. Anybody hungry?” He set the pizzas on the patio table.

Mae shot a knowing look at Trenton as everyone walked over to the table and whispered, “Still think it’s just a coincidence?”

“Mae, he’s been doing odd jobs; probably got paid cash.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Check this out, y’all. He got the one with hot sauce!” Steve piled a paper plate with several pieces.

***

“Mae, if you’re so sure, why don’t you call someone?” Trenton’s words bubbled from his lips and dripped on his beard as he brushed his teeth before bed.

“Didn’t your momma ever teach you not to snitch?” Mae chuckled and said, “Besides, what if I am wrong.” She towel-dried her face and lightly stroked her night cream on – using the ring fingers because they are the weakest fingers and won’t pull at the skin as much as the others – as she’d been taught by her Mary Kay lady.

“There ya go.” Trenton spit into the sink. “By morning, the two faces will look so different, you’ll wonder why you ever had the thought in the first place.” He walked to the bedroom.

Mae followed. “I still think it’s him.”

“Stubborn.”

“Yep.”

“Love you. Good night.”

“Love you too.” Mae turned off the lamp on her nightstand and whispered, “It’s him.”

She heard Trenton laugh under his breath just before she fell asleep.

In the morning, she slapped her hand on the alarm clock to make it stop blaring. Through blurry eyes she looked at the lighted display.

“Five thirty-two?!” She realized that her alarm was not going off, but several sirens were blaring outside her window. “Trenton! Get up!”

He shot up, straight as a board. “What the heck?”

They ran to the window and squished against each other, vying for the best view.

Outside, no less than five police cars had surrounded their area in the trailer park. Armed police officers, weapons drawn, stood at key locations, vigilantly watching for any trouble.

Trenton and Mae went down the hall to the living room window, and looked at Steve and Ruth’s trailer. One officer stood at their open door while another walked out of the trailer holding Huck by the elbow. Huck walked out with his head hung low and his hands cuffed behind his back.

Mae gave Trenton a love slap on his shoulder. “Told you.”

“I shall never doubt you again.” He kissed her on the top of her head. “I don’t think we’re going back to sleep; what would you like for breakfast?”

“I know what you should eat,” Mae said with a coy, teasing voice. She leaned up and brushed her cheek against his beard and whispered in his ear. “Crow soup.” Mae took off back to the bedroom.

“Hey, you!”

Trenton gave chase and caught her with enough momentum to send them flying onto the bed, laughing. “Only in Owensboro,” he said, and pulled the covers over their heads.

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Chapter One: Town and Country Mobile Home

**Author’s Note** I am going to be giving you all a glimpse of my new Ebook over the next few weeks and I would love your input and FEEDBACK! Thank ya’ll so much!**

Chapter One: Town and Country Mobile Home

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a double-wide at the Town and Country Mobile Home Park with a great big fire pit in the back yard. Mae and Trenton picked it out partly because they wanted to live without the stresses of the city, and partly because they just liked trailer parks – and the people who lived in them. It’s inevitable that the residents eventually develop a close sense of camaraderie after living behind paper-thin walls within twelve feet of each other. There are few secrets, lots of gossip, and the occasional block party down at the fire pit.

Since Trenton was a chef, the neighbors mostly expected him to provide some sort of exotic kebab or a new kind of corn dog. Mae was really good with logistics and made sure the tables and pot luck containers were arranged logically and kept the food line moving in the right direction. She also made sure that Rob and Maggie weren’t sitting too close to Randy and Darlene (Rob’s truck ran over Darlene’s gazing ball and he won’t replace it). Mae made sure that she and Trenton sat near Steve and Ruth, though. Ever since moving in, Mae and Ruth bonded like sisters.

One morning the trailer park sisters lounged in their lawn chairs watching the Stanton kids dig holes in Debbie Wheelock’s flower patch across the street.

“Bet you one peach cobbler that Debbie melts into a sobbing, incoherent puddle when she sees that.” Mae took a sip of her iced tea and whispered, “She’s close to that time, you know.”

“Oh yeah?” Ruth raised her chin and scrutinized the damage the boys were doing. “I’ll see your peach cobbler and raise you a breakfast casserole that she goes on a red-faced rampage. Remember what she did to Chuck last month?”

Mae choked on her tea. “Holy crap, who could forget. She stabbed his tire with a paring knife just because his wheel was turned into their trailer skirt. One little skid mark, and she totally lost it.”

“My Steve has a temper but nothing like that. I mean, we fight sometimes, but then,” she leaned closer to Mae, “the making up is awesome. The man knows how to make romance, for sure.”

They laughed and sipped their tea, and Mae sighed. “I wish Trenton would get a little more romantic. I don’t mean that he’s not, it’s just that he plays around a lot. It’s fun and everything, but sometimes I wish he’d get down and dirty seriously romantic. You know, just sweep me off my feet kind of thing.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Nah. Nothing like that – we’re great. Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Hallmark channel.” They laughed while across the street, the boys made mud pies and decorated them with Debbie’s violets.

***

“Mae and Trenton have hit the doldrums,” Ruth said.

Steve’s eyes appeared over his newspaper, and he raised his eyebrows. “They’re having problems?”

“Not problems, exactly, just a dry patch. They’ll be fine. Mae just feels like she’s being a little neglected and needs some special treatment.” Ruth grinned and batted her eyelashes at Steve. “You know. Like women do sometimes.”

Steve lowered his eyes and worried about his friends.

***

“…so Ruth said Mae and Trenton are having marital problems, and I’m kinda worried.” Steve grunted as he hefted a sack of cement into the mixer at work.

Chuck frowned. “Aw, not them. They’re the nicest couple I know… present company excepted.”

Steve grinned. “Yep. I know how to keep my woman happy.”

“You think maybe Trenton lost interest? Maybe even seeing someone else?”

“He wouldn’t,” said Steve.

The two men nodded, but the worry lines on their foreheads folded a little deeper.

***

Chuck’s fork was in his hand even before Debbie laid out his plate of spaghetti and meatballs. “I’m starved, thanks, Hon.” He slurped some steaming pasta. “This is great.”

Debbie glared across the table, waiting for him to eat so she could tell him to find out who ruined her violet patch and take out some trailer park justice; an eye for an eye.

“I also got some bad news about Mae and Trenton. They’re having some trouble. If it’s bad enough, they might get a divorce, even.”

“No! Are you sure?”

“Yeah. seems Mae has just gotten bored and Trenton is looking elsewhere.”

Debbie forgot about her violets. “Sweetie, I’m not really hungry. I’m going for a walk. Don’t worry about the dishes; I’ll get them when I get back.”

She took off her apron, grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and flitted out the door.

***

Maggie had just put her dinner dishes away when a loud rapping on her door startled her. She wasn’t expecting anyone, and had a good mind to remind whoever it was that good manners never go out of style.

Debbie stood outside Maggie’s door and banged on it again. The wooden plaque decorated with a filigree of vines and roses surrounding the name, “Stanton” did a jig in time with Debbie’s knocking.

“I just had to come see you. I’ve got a prayer request that just cannot wait.” Debbie stepped up and into the door, right across Maggie, and into the living room.

Maggie quickly followed. ‘Prayer request’ was a code that meant there was some juicy gossip to share ‘out of concern’ for someone. “Oh dear. Have a seat, I’ll get us some sweet tea.”

She set about, placing coasters on the coffee table and serving tall glasses of sweet tea with ice, garnished with a sprig of mint from her own window box. “Tell me all about it; what can I do?”

“Well, it looks like Mae and Trenton are going to get a divorce. I just thought you’d like to keep them in your prayers.” Debbie grabbed her glass and chugged.

Maggie raised her glass with a pinkie in the air. “I will surely pray for her! And Trenton, of course. I’m sure it’s mostly his fault anyway, make a joke of things so much.”

Debbie leaned closer. “I heard he’s seeing another woman.”

Maggie let out a huge gasp then regained her poise and slammed her mouth shut. She took a dainty sip of tea. “Oh dear. Poor Mae. I have an idea. Go get Chuck, I’ll grab Rob, and we’ll set up something special for her and Trenton. You know, a sexy, romantic evening with no interruptions.”

“That’s it! See you in a bit.”

***

The sun had just set when Trenton came home to see the fire pit behind his trailer decked out in Christmas lights. A stunning bonfire danced in the pit, and his patio table wore a full dress-dinner outfit including a checkered tablecloth, two lit candles, and a small basket in the middle holding a loaf of Bunny Bread and a bottle of Purple Cowboy wine, the “Tenacious Red” one.

He walked in the trailer and saw Mae laying on the couch. “Hey,” he shook her by the shoulder, “what did you do that to the fire pit for? Did I forget our anniversary or something?”

Mae rose and rubbed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Trenton went to the window and pointed outside. Mae took a look then ran outside. Trenton changed out of his chef’s tunic into a comfy, flannel shirt and followed.

“What… is this even our house?” Mae made an uncomfortable laugh.

Chuck walked up and bowed. “Will the lady and gentleman please follow me? Your table is ready.” He swept an open hand toward the patio table. He led the way and pulled out a lawn chair for Mae. The couple looked at each other and shrugged then sat down.

“Don’t worry, buddy, we got your back,” Chuck whispered to Trenton, patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

Maggie slipped in next to Mae. “Hey, Sweetie. We all love ya, and we won’t let anything come between y’all.” She picked up the wine bottle, pulled out the cork and offered it to Trenton.

He shrugged, sniffed the cork and nodded. He gave a confused glance to Mae as Maggie poured the wine, made an awkward curtsy and left.

Debbie walked up and lay a platter of spaghetti and meatballs in front of the perplexed couple. She put one of her finest Chinet dinner plates in front of Trenton and glared at him with hell fire in her eyes. She turned to Mae and with a sympathetic look, placed her plate. “I swear, Darlin’. If he don’t treat you right, you let me know. I’m here for you.”

Debbie dished up the spaghetti with a flourish as long as the pasta. “I hope y’all don’t mind; this was me and Chuck’s dinner, so I had to reheat it. It’s really good though; I used sausage in the meatballs tonight. Enjoy!”

When Debbie left, Mae and Trenton looked at each other for a moment then burst out laughing.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Chuck asked and reached for the Parmesan.

“I think we’re supposed to eat?” Mae looked around and saw Chuck, Debbie, Steve, and Maggie peeking around the corner of their trailer. “Or put on a show for our hosts?” She stood up and hollered. “Y’all get out here right now!”

The four friends timidly stepped over to the table.

“What in the Sam Hill are y’all doing to us?”

Maggie cleared her throat and cast a guilty look at Debbie who gave one to Chuck who passed it along to Steve who hung his head and glanced at his wife, Ruth.

Ruth looked at Mae with eyes full of love. “You two mean so much to us. We love you both so much, and we don’t want to lose either one of you. We, all of us, thought a romantic, candlelight dinner would help, so here we are.”

Steve said, “Yeah, Trenton, you are always there for us, and Mae, you make the neighborhood potlucks the best in the county.”

“And if you go gallavantin’ off with someone else, so help me…” Debbie shut up and winced when Chuck pinched her arm.

“What she means is, this place wouldn’t be the same without you, and just wanted to help you find that love that got you two together in the first place.”

The group nodded with sad, concerned faces.

Trenton laughed. “You thought me and Mae—”

“—were going to break up?” Mae finished. She looked at Trenton, and he at her. They burst out laughing again. “You silly, wonderful people.”

Trenton waved the group over. “Come here, ya’ll.” He lined them up and paced in front of them like a general to his troops. “I want you to know I would fight to the death for this woman.”

Behind him, Mae yelled, “Me too! For you, that is!”

He continued. “You idiots have acted very…” he paused and stroked his beard, “…sweetly.” He laughed. “You’re crazy, you know that? That’s why we love y’all too.”

Mae came up and gathered everyone together. “Group hug!”

After the hugging and a little crying, Trenton said, “Okay, who’s got the beer?”

Steve raised his hand and ran across the street.

Mae looked at the women and said, “Who’s got some tortilla chips and salsa sitting around?”

Maggie smiled and ran home.

The conversations and friendship around the fire pit that night was the best they’d had in a long time. You see, money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer and chips. And when you combine those with good friends and a double-wide in Owensboro, it’s all priceless.

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That’s all for now, folks! Remember, the good stuff goes in my book! I have a few more chapter’s being released to you first, exclusively. We got run in’s with a bank robber, sex, (a TON of sex,) and way more fun stuff! Tell me what you think in the comments section of my blog!

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Most Superheros Are

Trent's Gift To Me

Trent’s Gift To Me

Today, I posted a picture to my Instagram account, and the picture is something that is a very personal story for me and I thought it was important to share, because when I am sick, I sometimes feel like giving up. The story behind this is I have Parkinson’s Disease and sometimes I have falling spells. Sometimes they are big. I was having a morning where everything seemed kind of off balance.

I fell when I got out of bed, and I went through our bedroom wall.

We were waiting for it to be fixed, but in the meantime, it was just THERE and it stared back at me everyday. Nagging at me. You did this! You did this!  Each this rolling off my tongue like a snake hissing at it’s prey. One day I cried out, “Why can’t someone just relieve me of my suffering?!?!? “

My husband saw me staring at it one day. The next day I saw a piece of wood over the hole. With the message that read, “When you’re truly awesome you know that it is actually a burden, and wish day after day to be relieved of such a curse. Think of about 95% of superheroes.” After seeing that I refused to get the wall fixed. The wall is symbolic of so much more than anything I could ever some up in this blog post. 

Sometimes in life you fall, and there is a mess afterwards, but you have to get the fuck back up! I have a lot of people out here watching me and rooting for me, and even some are just waiting and begging and praying I fail! I might be flawed like a mother f**ker but most superheroes are!

**Author’s Note:

If you would like to add me on Facebook please do! And my Instagram is @Live4Hope I am a great friend and I love meeting new people and hearing their story!

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Maegan Hagan Visit’s Jimmy John’s

Jimmy John's Fresh Sandwhich

Jimmy John’s Fresh Sandwhich

Let’s talk about Jimmy John’s Owensboro! Okay, so on two separate occasions I was almost in a car wreck over Jimmy John’s. The first time my beautiful and smart sister in law was driving me to the grocery store. She looked to the right on Frederica and said, “Oh my God! Jimmy John’s!” She got so excited she swerved the car! Okay! So, my first responses was, “Really?!? You almost killed us over a restaurant?!?” And she said, “No. You don’t get it. It’s Jimmy Johns!” I said, “What the f*&f is Jimmy Johns?!?” And she goes on to tell this long story about when she lived in Indy she would eat at. I was like…okay. That’s cool.
…The next day I’m in the car with Trent. Her brother and my husband. He is driving me to Starbucks’s AND HE DOES THE SAME THING! So, now I’ve almost died twice over some damn sandwiches. I said, “What is up with this family and this restaurant?!?”

So, I’m at work this last Friday and my best friend at work Sara wouldn’t stop talking about it! I mean she was going on about how great they are and how they deliver. At one point I was thinking, “Has Jim John’s hired you as a spokesperson? I mean are you being paid to endorse their sandwiches?”

So, today I leave my doctors office and my doctor had just gotten Jimmy Johns delivered. So, I left. And I don’t know why but I was like, “I’m going to go try it!”

I pull up to the restaurant and I’m mad anyways! Jimmy John’s was so packed we had to park across the street! I was talking to myself and everything! I was saying, “Damn sandwich It can’t be THAT great! I mean what’s so great about it? They put crack in it?!?’

Trent grabs my hand and says, “Mae. I promise you’ll get it. Please come on this journey of the mouth with me!”

We go inside and it is PACKED! The thing that immediately put a huge smile on my face was…they have a LOT of people working there. Like, there were at least twelve people working in a very tiny space. I was thinking, “I’m sold.” Owensboro needs this. That put a huge smile on my face. I mean the holidays are coming up and people need jobs. My total came to 10.52 for 2 number 2 big John’s. I was glad to pay. They got our sand which done HELLA fast! I mean like 2 minutes! The sand which was AMAZING! I mean it was SO fresh and the bread was like heaven! I’m sold, Owensboro! I’m sold!

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A Conversation Between Trent and I at Two in The Morning

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Me to Trent at two in the morning:Hey! Wake up!

Trent:…..What? **grumbles**

Me: Do you love our lives together?

Trent: Yes,(half asleep,).

Me: Fine. Whatever. Nevermind. **sighs**

Trent: **sits up in bed and turns the lights on** Yes I LOVE our lives together! I love our home! I love Henry! I love Stella! I love YOU! We may not have much, but it’s ours…

Me: …Is this what you imagined your life like when you were a little boy?

Trent: No! Little boys don’t think that far in the future! I wanted to drive the street sweeper! BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME! ….What did you want to be when you grew up?

Me: The princess and the pea.

Trent: GO FIGURE!
…You’re my princess. You’re kingdom might not be vast as you expected, but you still are the princess of the court…Now go to sleep.

Me: I can’t… I think there is a pea under this mattress.

Trent: GAH!

#TrentandMae #Ourlifetogether #MaeganHagan #TrentonHagan #life#marriage

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The Shitty Tuesday Blues

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I had a really bad stomach ache Monday and I couldn’t go to the bathroom.
So, Trent has me take a whole sleeve of chocolate laxatives, and I did because I was thinking that was the normal amount!

It was DOUBLE what I was supposed to take!
In fact, it was the entire box!

So here I sm shitting myself to death pretty consecutively from 6:30 am till 8am this morning.

So, I finally get some sleep and I wake up and go to work…

Thirty minutes in I didn’t make it to the bathroom! I shit ALL over myself!

I am totally going to get Trent back! He isn’t going to even see it coming!

But, first I need to rehydrate….

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Change Began With Me

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I have a new and interesting way that helps me save money. Every time I get my check cashed I ask for twenty dollars in quarters back.
I have a chosen a giant sized piggy bank crayon that I found from Salvation Army.
From there I have glued and taped the top of the crayon together.
So, when I start to feel temped, (trust me-I do!) I just don’t mess with it because 1. I have tape on the top, and 2. I think about how I would have to roll the quarters back up and realize it’s just a pain in the ass.
After a few weeks I already have almost a hundred dollars saved up just for something for me that has nothing to do with the new house! 
It sounds silly but let me know if it helps you!

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The Red Truck

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So Trent was driving me to work today and we got stuck in traffic. We got stuck next to a really old red truck. Trent and I had been squabbling about something really stupid. Something about how I’m always running late. The man and woman in the red truck were also arguing. Rather loudly.

“I try honey! I swear! I Try!  On and on and on it never ENDS!”

Trent and I looked at each other and immediately started to laugh.

Trent starts to mimic the guy.
“Gaaah! I try to get along, but you just have to get up everyday!”

The coupled  looks over and realized Trent was poking fun.

I laughed,  shrugged my shoulders, and said, “Married life- Can’t live without them and you come up with more creative ways to kill them everyday!”

They looked at each other and realized how ridiculous they were being. I watch the wife mouth, “I’m sorry.” The husband smiled and we pulled away.

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The Adventures of The Traveling Vibrator


Let me say, I know that I am not the only person to have an embarrassing Sex Toy story.

Steve Irwin was what my friend Janet had named her vibrator. She would have these long drawn out fantasies about how she would go on these adventures with The Crocodile Hunter. She would help him catch a crocodile,  and then he would pin her up against a wall, and then just plow the fuck out of her! Later, my friend would say that she went into a severe depression for days after he had been killed. She would go on to retire Steve Irwin, saying, “It just isn’t the same.”

Before,he so tragically was killed, Janet said that Steve Irwin had been missing for days. She couldn’t figure out where in the world it had gone to. For days she rifled through all of her belongings trying to figure out where she had placed her Steve Irwin!

One day, while bringing the groceries in, she saw her two boys standing in the middle of a group of children. Janet,  both curious and worried,  went up to the group of children standing around her two boys. Janet, looked in horror as she realized what her own children were doing to her! Apparently they had sat up their own side show attraction/ modern day lemonade stand/ peep show, where neighborhood kids would charge to see, (You guessed it,) Steve Irwin!

Crikey!

My last move before moving in with my husband I was limited on time to pack and was also short of hands. A friend of mine had said she would ask some friends of hers from church if they would help me move.  My friend Wayne had just moved out of my apartment. While he was there Wayne  had been using my dresser to place all of his personal items

Wayne, had prided himself on his collection of sex toys. He had all different types of sizes,  and shapes, and colors!
Oh my! 

Because we were short on time and hands I just thought we could move the dresser, and I would sort everything out later.

So, these two teenage boys are loading up my dresser on to the truck,  and what should happen next?  One of the boys lost footing and the dresser door came open to reveal, not only Wayne’s extensive collection of gay pornography, but SEVERAL dildo’s!

The kid looked at the contents of the drawer, looked at me, looked back at the drawer,  and closed it, Not saying a single word. To this day I look back in horror wondering if I have scarred this innocent church going boy for life.

Thanks, Wayne.

Another friend of mine Lana was living with her father after she had recently moved back from Indianapolis. Her kids had been going through her purse trying to dig out change, but it so happened that her purse was where she kept her vibrator!
Lana was a single mom, and she was putting it in her purse because she wanted to avoid anyone finding it in her drawer.

Her son, who was five years old, grabbed it and took it out of her purse.
Her father was in the living room watching TV.
The son went in the living room and sat it in her father’s lap!
The father, realizing what it was, and too embarrassed to say anything, very politely wrapped it up with its cord very neatly and handed it back to Lana. Lana would use this as motivational tool to find a new place as fast as possible.

Or, there was the time I went to visit my sister in-law Stacey. She had a huge black eye!
“What happened?” I screeched.
“Your brother hit me in the eye with my vibrator,” she said in a long, drawn out southern accent.
It turned out that they had gotten a little too into it sex one night. 
For two weeks Stacey went around saying,  “My husband hit me in the eye with my vibrator!”

Which brings me to my story. My story, so awful, that I often am laying in bed at night,  and will wince at the mere thought if it.

I had just brought my puppy Henry home a few days ago. My husband was very sick, and I asked a local Catholic church if they could possibly come to my house to interview me to see if I qualified for assistance. If you qualify they will help you make your electric payment if you are about to be disconnected. We were about to be disconnected.

I never really know what to say to really religious people. I feel like I’m having to hold back the entire time, and I think that most of the time they don’t know how to handle me either.

The man that worked for the church was very kind to me, and he talked to me about my experiences with Christianity and what it meant to live a Christian life. He started to ask a little more about me. Well, I didn’t really know what to say.
I thought,  “Oh hey! I can show him the dog! You can’t go wrong with a dog!

“Henry! Come here, Henry! ” I looked at the man and very proudly and awkwardly proclaimed , “I have a dog!”

Henry staggered into the room and he had something purple in his mouth and I couldn’t quite make out what it was….and then I figured out what it was. It was Barney – my vibrator!

I stared in horror as Henry dropped the vibrator in the middle of the floor. It turned on and started flopping around like a freshly caught fish.
But, no! It didn’t stop there! Henry, still a baby, didn’t understand why it was flopping around. He started barking uncontrollably. I can’t tell you how quickly I leaped,  scooped Barney up, and made a hail Mary pass to the bedroom!

It turned out Henry had very curiously made his way to my night stand and had dug out my vibrator. When I replay it in my mind now I think, that would make a great pop up book for adults!
It could be about Henry running around town getting into adventures and making friends with my vibrator….(palm face,).
I looked at the man, praying to God that he didn’t see the same thing I just witnessed. If he did he didn’t utter a single word about it.

He very politely excused himself saying, “I hate to leave, but I have a few other places I have to be today.”
It may have just been in my head, but he wouldn’t look me in the eye either.

“Wait!” I called after, “Can you still pay my bill?”

I want to know what your embarrassing Sex Toy stories are. The more embarrassing the better!

I think I may make this into an adult pop up book series, what do’ya think?

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Tick TOCK

Well, its 3:31 AM, and Trent just went to sleep.  I am going on my sixth night of not really sleeping.  I am battling major insomnia. Don’t get me wrong, I come up with the best ideas when I don’t sleep,  and I have been getting some HELLA amount of writing in the last few nights,  but DAMN, I feel like I might be about to lose it! I have had a lot on my mind lately, a lot of obsessive thoughts, and I am having a really hard time shutting my brain off. I seriously am about to go the doctor and tell hiM DRUG ME!  I probably would have already if I didn’t do such weird shit the last time I was on a sleep aide.

About a year ago I had been on Ambian for only a month, and I got a bill from my PayPal account saying I had purchased a bunch of picture frames. Like, not three or four-but fifteen.
I call PayPal and I am just raising all kinds of crap. I’m screaming and the it’s making me even more angry that the lady I am talking to is so adamant that i have actually purchased these fifteen picture frames. At one point I thought I was going to get a terroristic threat charge against me. Trent comes in the room and says, “Mae, what’s wrong?”
I’m still screaming trying to explain what’s going on. “PayPal charged us for fifteen picture frames! This bitch on the phone isn’t listening to me!”

“….Mae. Hang up the phone.”

“Why? We’re not getting charged for something we didn’t buy!” I screamed.

Trent took the phone from me and hung it up. I started to scream and he put his hand over my mouth.

“Mae, you woke up in the middle of the night about a week ago and you started going through all of our pictures. You started talking about wanting to make a timeline on the wall of our lives together and you wanted to get matching picture frames to do it. You got online, and I was trying to talk you out of it, but your mind was set on those picture frames. You ordered them, and then passed out on the floor in a huge pile of photos.  I then got you BACK in bed, and it took me a good hour to get the photos put away.” He finished.

I stood there in shock.
“Wait, why the hell haven’t you said anything to me? That was a week and a half ago.”

“I don’t want you yelling at me! Listen to how you just talked to that poor PayPal lady! I just let you do what you want, you’ll eventually tire yourself out.” 

….That is only ONE of my Ambian stories and I probably was on it for only a month.  Apparently I was also really bad about getting up and baking cakes….and eating like half the cake. Which, if you knew how much I love cake, it wouldn’t surprise you that much. What was surprising is, I didn’t  remember ANY of it! Like, I would have full conversations with people where I told my deepest darkest secrets, and not remember ANY of it!

On second thought,  forget the drugs, I think I’m gonna go buy a sleep mask.

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Please Work With Me, Husband!

What does everyone want from me?!? I’m just one person! I can’t be the only person in this trying to work to better our situation. ESPECIALLY,  because the stuff that is on his record happened before we even got together!  I am only one person! And I am sick! How many times do I have to say get a better job, before I’m so broke down that it doesn’t even matter anymore. I am told that I should be glad he even has a job. Why does he like staying at a job that pays 7.25 an hour? because it’s easy. ….Well I’m glad your one job is so easy on you but because I have to have a second job to afford medical benefits from my first job just to cover him so he can stay at his easy 7.25 an hour job, thst doesn’t provide health care benefits! Oh, and did I tell you my first job just changed my hours to where I’m sure my second job isn’t even going to want me???? What does everyone want from me??? I’m just wanting to feel better!

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The Question

What can you take away from someone who has nothing? Some of my really scary thoughts have been coming back.

My husband of five years Trent was at work and he started screaming of a pain in his lower back. They rushed him to the hospital and they told him he had diabetes type 2 and emphysema. Someday I’ll give you the full story and everything in between that led up to him being in the hospital,  but for now our story continues after.

We had been living in an apartment that has black mold. For quite some time. And so when we found out Trent had emphysema I knew we couldn’t go back there. My father in-law invited us to come stay with him until we could save up for a new apartment. 

My life feels out of order. I’m staying strong for Trent and trying to make better choices, like not giving in to cravings for Taco Bell at 1 am, but damn it, I want a fucking cheeseburger.

Most days I don’t want to get out of bed. Most days I can’t figure out why I’m  so angry,Most days I can’t figure out why nothing makes sense. Most days I hear people talking and I start to tune them out. My mind goes to that place that I know it’s only been three other times in my life. I start thinking that the scariest thing of all.

I hate that nothing ties me to here. You have no idea how easy it is for me to walk away from everything. I’m trying to get better as I get older,  but that scary thought of being able to walk away from everything is still there.

So, it’s 11:42 AM. I have taken the dog out to the car with me, I am listening to Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd and I’m sitting here writing.

I’m sitting here thinking about how The Universe has a way of balancing out everything.  How there’s a whole story that has yet to be told. I am thinking about how there are positives to this situation.  And then I start to break down in tears because I’m tired.

Dear Universe: I know you have a way of balancing everything out, but if you could make it slightly easier for me I would really appreciate it.

The question was: What do you take away from someone who has nothing? The answer: Nothing. I’m still me. I’m still Maegan Hagan. At the end of the day you can take away my home and my money,  but you can’t take away my stories or any of the experiences I’ve had with people.  I am me. I am beautiful.  I am strong. I am here.

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Catfish: The TV Show and My Real Life Catfish Experience

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My new favorite guilty pleasure is a show on MTV right now called, Catfish: The TV Show. Let me begin by saying, it’s so embarrassingly amazing! Anyone that has ever talked to someone online knows the horrors of talking to someone who is not who they say they are! There are spoilers ahead so don’t get mad at me if you read something you don’t want to! The MOVIE Catfish was a Sundance hit that documents a photographer Nev Schulman and it follows him to Michigan to meet a woman whom he had fallen in love with that he had met on Facebook. Nev meets Megan. She is a beautiful song writer, performer, etc. They have these amazing conversations, (including a very awkward sexting conversation that Nev describes rather hilariously later in the movie!) Along the way Nev talks to Megan’s Mom and younger sister, who they claim is a famous painter in Michigan. They get to Michigan to find a woman that is not Megan, but Megan’s mother. They go into the house to discover that Angela, (Megan’s mother,) was a very sad woman that was a care taker to two mentally challenged step sons, she painted on the side, and surprise surprise there was a Megan but it was not the Megan Nev had fallen in love with. It was Angela. I really didn’t give it justice, so you MUST check out the documentary Catfish, if you haven’t yet. In spite of all the lies, you really fall in love with the characters! Okay, so on to the TV show. Nev decides to take the same crew from the film, his brother and best friend, and make a TV show following people that have been in long-distance internet relationships, and help the people meet face to face. Every episode has been good! The crazy thing is, the whole time you’re hoping for there to be a happy ending! You want so bad for them to end up with each other! How hard were you laughing from the first episode? You have this really girly-girl type that looks like her name, Sunny. Sunny is in love with Jamison, a model/ tv writer who is studying to be an anesthiologist. Sunny and Nev go to knock on the door and who opens it? Not Jameson! It was an overweight, curly haired woman in her twenties! And Nev ask her, “Do you feel bad for what you’ve done?” When she shakes her head no, I thought Sunny was going to kill her! Okay, so here is another thing I love about this show- Nev goes back after he calms Sunny down, and he talks to the girl by herself just for an explanation. I mean, didn’t she feel bad at ALL, for stringing this sweet girl around and making her think she had met the love of her life? And meanwhile, is that not the cruelest joke? These people think they are going to meet the love of their lives. And it never is! What I really love is that Nev never attacks the girl. He wants to know her story too. What happened to you to make you create this alter ego? It turns out that this girl had been bullied and this on line alter ego that she had created had made her feel in control of her own life. Did I think it was total bullshit? Fuck Yes! Did I want to stop watching? Fuck, no! The next few episodes are amazing, too! I’m not going to talk about them in case you haven’t seen it. What are your real life Catfish stories? Mine begins when I am 15. The boy was 19 and his name was Jeremy. Jeremy was a track star and he was a freshman at U of E. We started talking on AIM. I knew who he was because he had gone a date with this older girl that I was friends with. I hung out with a lot of older people when I was a teenager. I knew this girl had no intentions of wanting to be with him and I thought he was SO cute! So I asked her for his AIM name. She gave it to me, and that night I put in his name and start to talk to him. He asks how old I am. I can’t tell him I’m only 15! He won’t wanna talk to me! I tell him I’m 21. And my name is Jessica since we had already met in real life, and in real life I’m Maegan. We talk for hours on end. He was the sweetest guy I had talked to up to that short 15 years on this planet. We talked for four months until Jeremy starts asking for a picture. I can’t show him a picture! He’ll know who I am then, and he’ll definitely know I’m not 21! And the sad thing is, I had developed real feelings for him. We talked practically EVERY night! And he had developed real feelings for me too. “Why won’t you send me a picture?” “When are we going to meet?” “I really want to meet!” I stopped getting online because I could never give him an answer, and I was tired of coming up with really dumb and lame excuses. Like, “I can’t send you a picture because I don’t know how to upload it.” At one point he tried explaining it step by step! The crazy thing is, we actually at that point had talked in person SEVERAL times. We got along in person VERY well. But I was 15. And he was about to turn 20! I remembered seeing him one day. He was sad. “What’s wrong, Jeremy? ” He shrugged, “Nothing. I’m just talking to this girl. I’m into her, but I don’t think she likes me.” I smile, because he said he liked me. But it’s not me. It’s her. This girl that won’t get him into trouble if they were to ever meet. Because I could’ve got him into A LOT of trouble! I started to tear up and I hugged Jeremy and ran home. I ran up stairs to my room. I turned on my computer. These were the days of dial up when it took forever for the internet to start! I got on AIM. “Hey.” I say to him. “Hey,” He replies. I start to type and I can’t believe the things that I’m putting on the screen. “I can’t talk to you anymore. I don’t love you. I met someone and I’m getting married.” I hit enter, turned the computer off, and fell to my bed in tears. At that moment I wanted so bad to be older! I wanted to run to Jeremy like Meg Ryan in you’ve Got Mail and say, “It was me.” But I couldn’t. After a few months I didn’t talk to Jeremy anymore. Not even in person. A few years had passed and I turned 22. I got on Aim one day and Jeremy was on. I hadn’t thought about him in years. I started to talk to him. Jeremy had done good for himself. He graduated from U of E in Accounting, he worked for a small firm, and he had met the love of his life, Cindy. They were expecting a baby in two months. So, that’s my real life Catfish story. I actually ran into Jeremy a few years later. He was doing really good and he was really happy to hear what had happened in my life. I never told him who I was, but sometimes the mystery is better than the reality. What are your real life Catfish stories?

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Now or Never, The Story of My New Baby

So, my husband was really depressed over his brother being in a coma. Like, to the point where he wasn’t getting out of bed except to go to work.

Also, he was about to turn 30 and this was the first birthday he was going to have to spend without Travis.

Travis woke up, but Trent was still depressed and I couldn’t figure out why?

And then one night he woke me up, and he was REALLY drunk. And he starts talking about how so and so has a baby, can you believe it? They can barely take care of themselves? And, I thought I would be a Father by now? Or, I just can’t imagine not ever being a Father. Having someone that looks just like me.

And I started to cry. Because, while he had been keeping these things to himself,  I had already been thinking them to myself.

The truth is …

I want a baby so bad it hurts. I’ve lied to all of you for so long. I pretend like, “Oh! Babies? Me? Not even! Babies smell!”

The truth is, its my coping mechanism. Three years ago when I miscarried the twins, I thought I was going to lose myself. I stopped talking, I stopped leaving the house, I became obsessed with Guinea Pigs, and I stopper getting on Facebook completely!  I also haven’t gotten pregnant since then. And that wasn’t my first miscarriage.  So, why haven’t we been getting pregnant at all?

“You fucking think I don’t know that? You think I don’t want to be a mother? You don’t think it KILLS ME to see these stupid bitches get pregnant only for the photo op, and I have to sit here month   month trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with ME? My mom had four kids by the time she was 20! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY AREN’T WE GETTING PREGNANT ANYMORE?”

And I fell on the floor holding my stomach, I cried, I pretended there was a baby in there just like when I was eight years old and I pretended I was going to be a mommy.

Trent came up from behind me and he held me. He cried too. “I love you.  I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
He said.

“No say it. Get it off your chest. Just know I’m thinking everything you are.”

Out of everyone we know it makes the most since that we have a baby, yet, we still don’t.  

The next day Trent and I sat next to each other quietly. So awkward neither of us could move. I made the first attempt.

“I…I have a plan.”

“What is that?”

“In three months when I get my insurance, I’m going to go see a specialist.  We are going to see if I have scar tissue in there from the other miscarriages, and I am going to buckle down with my weight. I have already lost thirty pounds, and I plan on losing even more. I am going to ask the doctor to put me on clomid and we are REALLY going to start trying. Its now or never.”

Trent shook his head in agreement.
“Its now or never.”

In the meantime, I figured I would start getting some practice and help Trent with his depression. Not what you think, though.

Trent’s favorite animals and best pets have always been pug mixes. I got on Owensboro Barter and Trade and surprisingly…I found a pug mix. His name is Chewy and he has been AMAZING! 
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I surprised Trent at work with him and he started to laugh and tear up. “He’s adorable, Maeviss!”

He LOVES Trent. Trent and I have him on a set schedule where we take him to the park, and we have a blast with him..

The truth is he really has taken to me. He follows me EVERYWHERE! I can’t even go to the bathroom without him watching me the whole time. And he wont let me leave for work in the morning! He sets in my lap the entire time while Trent drives me, and when I get out of the car he LOSES HIS MIND! Trent has to give him a treat because EVERYONE in the parking lot looks. And then Trent laughs and says, “He doesn’t do that to me when I go to work!”
I even set him up his own Facebook. He has a HUGE gay following!  He’s really nasty when he gets on there. Pretty political too ;-). He talks about skat and golden showers! He has a real potty mouth!

And I totally spoil him! I bought him a NIIICE house and I just LOVE him. So much that I cry as I think about how lucky we were for even finding him.

We go to get him neutered this week. I feel like its the proactive thing to do. I don’t intend on breeding him, and from my understanding pugs can actually get very sick and have breathing attacks if they get too excited.

So, that’s my new baby.
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This is him passed out on my father in-law’s foot. My father in law really doesn’t like animals,  but he took to Chewy! He was petting on him and holding him on his back and loving on him!
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Henry and I passed out after I got home from work.
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He passed out in my purse.
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He won’t even let me put him down in Kroger!
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This is him and Aisha the day we got him. She’s actually really good with small dogs. 
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This is Trent holding him. This is the happiest I’ve seen Trent in a while.
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Something I’ve been studying
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I just like this picture because he looks Stoic and like he really has something on his mind.
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Oh, wait, him passed out again!

The Humane Society is taking pictures on the 19th with Santa, Trent and I, and the dog. Pics to follow soon!

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My Love Letter to Trent for Our Fifth Year Wedding Anniversary

Dear Trenton,

I’ll never forget the first time I met you. It was electric. Chills went up my spine and it was like gravity was pulling me to you and only you. And I walked over to you and it was like I had known you from another life.

I remember the first time we made love. I remember how sweet and special and amazing it was. You had the song, “My Love, ” by John Lennon playing on your record player and it immediately became my favorite song of all time and the reason why it became the song I walked down the aisle to, instead of Here Comes The Bride.

I remember when I went to your apartment and you knew my favorite musician was John Lennon. Which was another reason why I immediately loved you because he was also your favorite musician. You had written on a piece of paper, “Here peace bed peace,” and was to right over your bed, just like John and Yoko when they were married.

I remember when you met my dad. How wonderful you were to him and you will never fully understand how much I appreciate how good you were to him and how much you respected our relationship together.

I remember the day when I read the paper and it was in the records that we were to be married. I started crying and you asked what was wrong. I said, “I never not want to have first moments with you. This is the only time we are ever going to be in the paper for getting married! ” You started to laugh and said, “I promise that I will always give you first moments to look forward to.”

And you have.

I remember our wedding day. I remembered I was so worried that you wouldn’t think I was pretty. I remembered you looked over to me before you said your vows and whispered, “You took my breath away when you walked towards me. You are SO beautiful.” And I started to tear up.

My love for you is more important than a verse on a Valentine card. It is here and now, real and true, the most important thing in my life.

Without your love I merely exist, with your love I live.

My love for you is a promise that will always be kept, a fortune that will never be spent, and a seed that could grow in the most unlikely of places.

love cannot be found by looking for it, or passionately wishing for it. When I showed up that night at that bar and I looked across the room at you and when gravity pulled me close to you, it was not because I was looking for you. It was not because I had wished you. It was divine destiny.

I love that there is no job, amount of money, or materialism that ties me to this earth, but you do. You always do.

My vows to you 5 years ago were
1. Ill never be to old to hold your hands
2. Remembering to say I love you at least once a day
3. Never go to sleep angry
4. To form a circle of live that gather in our whole family
5. Never take you for granted
6. Doing something for you not because I HAVE to, but because I WANT to.

My vows to YOU, are now more important than ever.

I had no idea how hard marriage was going to be! I have to be a pseudo lady in the street, and a freak in the sheets, I have to hold my tongue sometimes when I AM JUST DYING, to give someone a piece of my mind that I feel is screwing us over, I have to cook, clean, and work a job I hate to also make sure we have a place to live.

I know you appreciate this everyday. You show me by the flowers you bring home, or slushied, or the begrudging foot rubs you give me, or fighting with a doctor. Not because you want to but because you’re worried about me.

I know I haven’t been able to give you everything you want yet. But I will give you everything your heart desires, and we both know what that is.

My promises to you:
1. Calm the fuck down It always works out in the end.
2. Clean up more
3. Cook more
4. Try and stick to something instead of giving up when it gets hard
5. Get along with everyone even when my heart tells me I’m right
6. try not to nag as much
7. To let you wind down when you get home for work more
8. To not be discouraged, we always get through it.

I love you Mr. Hagan. Yes the road has been hard. Yes, opportunities have been lost, but we will always get through it because the love we have for each other is so much stronger than any bullshit that could EVER be thrown our way.

The next five years are going to be great! We are going to get established, there will be children on the way, and health is going to be great! Because I said so and as you know I’m ALWAYS right!

Your one and only love of a life,

Maegan Marie Hagan

PS They really did give me A LOT of crackers! 😛

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Trenton’s Love Letter to Me For Our Fifth Year Wedding Anniversary

Dear Mae, Thank you so much for the last 5 years. From the moment I met you and we started talking about politics, once you asked if you could touch my beard I knew my life would NEVER be the same.

With out you there’s no telling where I would be. I know I would be wondering aimlessly through life.

Since our very very hectic wedding day I have had no regrets. (Except that maybe we should’ve eatten something before the wedding.)

When I saw you in your wedding dress I knew I had married the most beautiful woman in this entire world. The vows I made to you, I stand by. They mean more to me now, even than they did then.

John Lennon once said, Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Things happened that we didn’t plan, but we always end up where we are meant to be. Which is at each others sides.

You push me to be a better person. You believe in me when I don’t.

You’re always there with encouraging words when I need them.

I know that we’ve had our share of ups and Downs, but we always pull through.

The sky’s the limit in the next 5 to come.

My promises to you for the next five years:
1. I promise to not give up
2. I promise to ALWAYS have your back and to put no others before you
3. I promise to make you smile when you are sad
4. I promise to make you laugh when you are angry
5. To take care of you when you are sick
6. To rest easy when you are happy 7. To always look towards the future and never the past.

I love you with all my heart and wouldn’t want to take this journey with anyone else.

Your devoted husband, Trenton

P.s. I’m the reason your name rhymes

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A Day In The Life

Update on Travis: They are feeding Travis Through his tubes and they had a proceedure done on him today to clean out any sepsis that had gotten into his body.

I went to take a nap today before I made dinner. I couldn’t sleep but I felt exhausted.  I was tossing and turning and all I could think about was work and minimum wage and how am I going to start our life off when we both are hardly working 40 hours a week and making minimum wage. We can barely make rent on our one bedroom walk up.

So, I started breathing heavier and I couldn’t imagine what would happen if heaven forbid I get sick again like I did this summer, what happens when I have medicine that I need that will keep me alive? So I’m breathing heavier and I start thinking about how Travis got sick and Dana got sick, and what if Trent gets sick? And the anniversary of Dad’s death is coming, and so I got up and I ran downstairs.

I ran down the block and I kept running until my side hurt and I found myself on a street that looked unfamiliar and I had no clue where I was so I fell on the ground crying. Long deep sobs until I could finally breathe again. I cried until I felt right again. I cried until the world stopped moving and the earth and everything around me could dance around me. And I laid there.

I picked up my cell phone and called my husband. “Hey, honey.”

“Hey!” he says.

“I went for a run and I’m kind of lost.” I start to laugh and that makes him laugh too.

“Where are you I’ll come pick you up?”

Ten minutes later Trent was there and he was smiling, “How is it you could get lost after living here for almost half of your life now?”

“I just have no sense of navigation I suppose. ” I smile and get in the car.
Trent and I get home and Trent has put up the tombstones and added pumpkins to each one.

I go into Dana’s and she’s made dinner and Jenn has gotten Snow White and the Huntsmen. Life feels right again. 

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My Husbands Identical Twin Brother

The relationship I have with my brother in-law Travis has always been a complicated one. See, I married his identical twin brother, Trenton.

When Trent and first started dating Travis and I had a pretty good time. I remember Trent took me on a date to a Japanese restaurant and I soon discovered that it was also a date with his twin brother. Later I would come to find out that this was the first test of many. Trenton was seeking Travis’ approval.

I loved Travis. I thought he was funny and eccentric and someone that I would LOVE to party with.

After Trent and I were married, things got a little weird…

When I started dating Trent I knew I was going to have to always share my life with another human being. But – I didn’t know that it was going to have to be TWO human beings. It was almost as if I had to always seek his approval for if I was being a good wife to his brother. MY HUSBAND.

So, I had to compromise my entire life, but he wasn’t willing to compromise that Trent was my husband, and the first year of marriage is always hard, but it’s even worse when it seems like a million people are in your lives.

And somedays I had off I didn’t want to have to share my husband, my first year of marriage.

So, the years went on, and the resentment grew deeper and deeper because I also felt like sometimes Travis thought he was was better than us. We kind of stopped talking COMPLETELY  for a year.  Trent also was suffering from depression at the time.

Trent was hospitalized and that was brought Travis back into my life. I realized I needed Travis. Travis could help me figure out and process the thoughts I was having over my husbands depression. 

Back in July of this year Travis was hospitalized with a sepsis that had developed in his body. Part of the process was having to go into surgery and put on a colostomy bag that would carry his poop in a bag on his body.

The weeks following the surgery was torture.  I saw Travis have issues with embarrassment, self esteem. He really just wanted to have the thing taken off!

About a month ago I did start distancing myself because he would say really hurtful things that was making me feel bad about other people in my husbands family.

I don’t have a family of my own. The Hagans are my family. My Dads dead, so I think of Trent’s dad as my dad. I never had any sisters, so I think of Dana as MY sister. I’ve really grown up a lot the last few years, but because of things that happened in our very FIRST year of marriage I am still on shaky grounds with a lot of people in Trent’s immediate family. I feel like where Dana LOVES me, others just tolerate me. And, to be quite honest, when everyone notices these changes and you still are on shaky ground with people it does make me think, “Well, maybe its not me?”

This is such a complicated situation that I have digressed, and I apologize.

Travis went in for his reversal on Monday. Wednesday they started feeding him clear liquids, Thursday- his incision came loose from when they reattached it. They had to send him into emergency surgery.

I haden’t been up to visit Travis at all that week. I was worried Wednesday because Trent had told me that he was slightly pneumatic. 

The emergency surgery didn’t go as planned. They have induced coma on Travis for seven days so they can clear up an infection. They also placed him on a ventilator.

My husband is a complete wreck. He is beside himself with grief. He doesn’t know what he would do without his brother.

Trent was back there and the surgeon that worked on Travis came in. He was holding Travis’ hand and he said, “I don’t know how much of this is your fault, or how much is just bad circumstances,  but he BETTER WAKE UP!”

I was sitting in the waiting room hearing everyone tell stories about when they went back there, (Dana said he smiled when someone pointed out that she was coming because you could hear her heels clompping down on the ground,).
They asked me if I wanted to come back and I made up an excuse about having a cold and not wanting to make him worse.

The truth is, I was scared. I didn’t think my mental state could handle seeing someone I love and someone that means SO much to my husband…I just couldn’t do it.

I snuck in there today. He looked really good. His color was really great. I held his hand. “Hi. Its me Mae.” He grabbed my hand. “I’m here Travis, and you have a whole lot of people thinking about you right now. There’s a ton of people that are lighting you white candles on Facebook and …” He grabbed my hand.  I started to tear up, “I need you to be okay because my husband doesn’t work without you. And I love you too. You are my brother. ” He grabbed my hand. “No more pettiness.  Just parties when you wake up. Okay?” He grabbed my hand.

I love Travis and I just want him to wake up and I want everything to be better. If you’re reading this, will you send prayers and thoughts his way?

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Maegan Hagan’s New Rules For Surviving HER Life

1. Stop being so hard on yourself – you’re trying.

2. Stop helping everyone else out when you yourself are just breaking even. It is dumb to make yourself struggle at a minimum wage job when you can get a better job.

3. It is okay to not associate yourself with everyone your husband loves, especially those that look exactly like your husband. The time has come to let go of those that are making you feel bad about yourself.

4. Learn from your Father’s mistakes.  He himself lived a life with a person he loved where her family hated him and made lies about him. It wasn’t fair to him and its not fair to you.

5. Move the fuck on with your husband and finally start YOUR lives.

What the fuck are you afraid of???

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