Tag Archives: beard

My Complaint With Walmart

tis the reason

Dear Walmart,

I would like to lodge a formal complaint. Today I went to look at Christmas underwear with my friend Lexi. I was surprised that you have a decent collection of cute Christmas underwear! Some have reindeers on them, some are green ruffles, some have santa suspenders-the list goes on and on. What was more surprising was where you had them located.

They were located right next to the check out!

If I’m going to look through a bin of underwear, (which I promise is an entirely new low for me!) I would prefer to do it tucked away nicely in the back where the rest of the underwear is.  I don’t like having a  group of teenage boys leering at me while I am doing so!

I live in a small town too! In the time it took for me to pick out a pair, (ten minutes!) I ran into my boss, my preacher, and half of my coworkers! Now, every time I’m in church my preacher is going to look at me and think of a giant reindeer on my ass!

Let me cue you in on a secret, underwear is a sacred thing. The right pair can give you confidence you never thought you had! But, and for classier women it is something that you only want your partner to know what you are going to be wearing! Change the location, I promise that I am not the only person that felt embarrassed yesterday! I mean have you read my blog? I am not someone that embarresses easy!

Mortified Customer,

Maegan Hagan

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Trenton’s Love Letter to Me For Our Fifth Year Wedding Anniversary

Dear Mae, Thank you so much for the last 5 years. From the moment I met you and we started talking about politics, once you asked if you could touch my beard I knew my life would NEVER be the same.

With out you there’s no telling where I would be. I know I would be wondering aimlessly through life.

Since our very very hectic wedding day I have had no regrets. (Except that maybe we should’ve eatten something before the wedding.)

When I saw you in your wedding dress I knew I had married the most beautiful woman in this entire world. The vows I made to you, I stand by. They mean more to me now, even than they did then.

John Lennon once said, Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Things happened that we didn’t plan, but we always end up where we are meant to be. Which is at each others sides.

You push me to be a better person. You believe in me when I don’t.

You’re always there with encouraging words when I need them.

I know that we’ve had our share of ups and Downs, but we always pull through.

The sky’s the limit in the next 5 to come.

My promises to you for the next five years:
1. I promise to not give up
2. I promise to ALWAYS have your back and to put no others before you
3. I promise to make you smile when you are sad
4. I promise to make you laugh when you are angry
5. To take care of you when you are sick
6. To rest easy when you are happy 7. To always look towards the future and never the past.

I love you with all my heart and wouldn’t want to take this journey with anyone else.

Your devoted husband, Trenton

P.s. I’m the reason your name rhymes

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Scarf and Hat Girl

She wore a scarf and hat. It was a long rainbow scarf. Her shirt said, “You had me at Shalom.”
I haden’t planned on going out that night. Little did I know I had been involved in my friends evil plot of setting me up.
It turns out Mae’s dad had just suffered a really serious stroke and Mae wasn’t leaving the house. I just wanted to stay home and watch The Deadliest Catch.
“You should meet my friend Mae,” Steven said. The one thing anyone can tell you is, I am really awkward when talking to women. But little did I know, she was even more awkward talking to men.
“Can I touch your beard?” It was the first thing she said to me. But little did I know it would change my life. She was so uncomfortable in her own skin, yet so cool and guarded. A mystery that I wanted to take part in solving.
But it was when she started talking about Tony Blair that I became enamored. She talked about his lack of integrity and how she used to have so much respect for him until he started supporting The Bush Administration.  The talk of Tony Blair quickly turned into Bob Woodward and I couldn’t believe how much this chick new her politics! And she was really sweet and funny and I liked her.
A one hour talk quickly turned into five until we were closing the bar down.
I didn’t want her to go! But I couldn’t ask her back to my apartment.  This was not a girl you fucked. This was worth pursuing on a deeper level.
“I have to go, but will you be back tomorrow night? ”
“Will you?” She asked. I smile at the thought.

The next night I waited on pins in needles to see if she would show up. Since that next night we havent spent more than two days apart.

My life with Mae has not been all flowers and roses. We have a real marriage and we have to work at it everyday. Its been a rollercoaster, but she makes it all worth while and I love her everyday for coming back to that bar, for touching my beard, for loving me when I can’t love myself.

She had me at Tony Blair.

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