Category Archives: life

Her Name Was Dria

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She was robbed of all softness to her, there was nothing about her that screamed she was a woman. In my 21 year old mind I am equating woman with makeup and voluptuousness. I want to meet people from all different walks of life! I have to know everyone’s story! I was working as a Field Organizer for The Kentucky Democratic Party, and it was election night. I had just gotten off the phone with my boss. I found out that I had just been a part of my fifth loss as a democrat in the state of Kentucky. I was in a bar, some hole in the wall in Louisville, Kentucky.

I turned my phone off completely and went up to the bartender, “I need a whisky, three fingers.”

Bartender nods, and I smell a musky odor waft my way. “Been a rough night, eh?”

I look over at the person sitting next to me. She has sandy brown hair, and she was full of way more life than I had at the current moment.

“My name is Dria!” She exclaims. She is roughly 24 years old. She is skinny, and she doesn’t look healthy. She has beautiful, and long curly hair.

As bad of a mood I was in at that moment, her personality was infectious! I threw back the shot of whisky. “It’s nice to meet you! My name is Mae Knight!”

She asks what I am doing in Louisville, Kentucky.

“I was supposed to be celebrating something tonight-no big deal.”

“We can still celebrate!” She screams over the music someone at the jukebox is playing.

She asks where I’m from.

“I currently live in Owensboro, Kentucky. Where are you from?”

Dria laughs, “I’m from everywhere and nowhere! No one can tie me down! I am my own person and I love life and I love living! You do too! I can tell! Something is wrong though!”

I smile, “I try really hard, Dria.” I drop my head down and stare at my whisky. I feel myself start to tear up. I need to be away from this place. I need to be back at my hotel. “Do you live here in Louisville, Dria?”

Dria drops her head in shame, “…I’m homeless.”

I choke back a cry, “Do you need a place to sleep tonight, Dria? I have a motel…. My job paid for it.”

Dria lovingly wipes away my tears, “Let’s get out of here honey!”

We set down on the bed in the motel. Dria starts twirling her hair, and It has knots in it.

“Do you want to take a shower, Dria?”

Dria shakes her head eagerly with a smile.

“I usually LOVE showers! It’s my favorite part of the day! I love the way I feel after taking a shower.” She starts to strip naked in front of me. I am embarrassed. I have never seen a nude female body before. She notices I’m embarrassed.

“What’s wrong honey? Haven’t you ever seen boobs before?”

I start to laugh, “I’ve seen my own!”

I pull out my suitcase, “Do you like adderol, Dria?”

Dria looks at my bottle, “Oh honey! We are gonna have fun tonight!”

She takes three adderols and starts to crush up them up on the back of the toilet. I had only ever read about it, but the whisky is starting to hit me, and I just don’t care!

I take a line and snort it. It hits me all at once and everything feels okay and happy and like eating chocolate or the first kiss I have ever had with my high school crush, or the feeling I get when my favorite song comes on the radio! I was ALIVE! Dria is standing in front of me naked and she is undressed and snorting a line of adderol off the back of a toilet seat. I decide to undress too. No one besides my parents have ever seen me naked up until this point.

She stares at my over weight body. She is not disgusted. She is not embarrassed for me. There is only openness and warmth. Dria turns on the shower, “Why don’t you hop in here with me! It may make you feel better, honey!” I get in the shower. I feel a sense of both release and relief come over me as the water hits my face. The water feels good and Dria starts to wash my back with a rag. I break down in tears. Dria doesn’t stop. She keeps washing me. I keep crying and I hug Dria and she hugs me back.

I stop crying and this rush of magic euphoria washes over me. I smile at her and she smiles back. We change positions and she is standing in front of the shower now. I lather her hair for her, spending what seems like hours on each lock of hair.

I wash out the soap and I put conditioner on her head. I can tell it feels good to her.
“Thank you for this, Mae Knight.” I didn’t know why she was thanking me. After all, she was the one comforting me. We get out of the shower and I have her sit on the bed. Our naked bodies lay back to back and I brush out the tangles from her hair using my favorite green brush! I always hated those stupid motel combs!

I lay down and she lays down next to me, and she cradles me. “Why are you homeless, Dria?”

Dria sighs,”When I was seventeen my mom married an awful man…he did something bad to me…my momma told me to never come back. ME! So, I left, and I got caught up with all the wrong people, did a little heroine,  and now I go to the bar every night, hoping I’ll find someone to take me home…do you hate me for telling you that?”

I start to laugh, “No Dria, that makes me like you more.”

She lets out a large laugh, “Mae, what are you most afraid of?”

I turn away from her, “Two things. One, there is a train that runs right behind my house. It runs like clock work. Every three hours it drives past and it rattles everything in my house. I am afraid one day I am going to feel completely numb, like I do somedays….and then go stand on the train tracks.”

Dria shakes her head no, “You can’t do that! You are too spec-!”

I interrupt her, “Special. That’s the second thing- my whole life everyone has been telling me I’m special. I’m scared I’ll never figure out what they are talking about…I’m afraid that I am going to go away, and all of those people that have been telling me I am special my entire life…they are going to be completely disappointed in me. And that will be it. All my gifts and talents will have been wasted on the wrong person.”

We let the air dry our warm, naked bodies.I let out a long sob. Dria goes to hold me again. At four am we both crash.

I wake up and I feel completely refreshed and rejuvenated. It is a new day! Full of completely new possibilities!

I look at Dria. She looks so peaceful, and I don’t want to wake her. I have to get going and get on the road. I kiss her on her forehead, “Thank you!” I get dressed and I leave Dria with some money and a note.

Dria,

Thank you for saving my life last night! I will never forget it! If you find your way to Owensboro, Kentucky, here is my address: 1712 Thompson Drive Apt A

Love Always,

Mae Knight

I sneak out of the door and head to my car. I know I will probably never see Dria again. I leave knowing that this is one of the most intimate and human experiences I will ever have with another person in my life. I loved Dria without even knowing her, and I left with comfort knowing someone else in the world loved me too.

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Our First Valentine’s Day Together

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I am such a nerd for Valentine’s Day! One of my favorite Valentine’s Day was our first Valentine’s Day nine years ago!  The night we first met I told Trent about my Grandma Stella, and how she had been married to my Grandfather for 60 years. The last year of her life my Grandfather built her a huge garden filled with Lilies and sun flowers. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Two weeks later on Valentine’s Day I walked into Trent’s apartment and he had an entire apartment filled with Lily Plants! My mouth dropped to the ground! He said, “I’m going to build you a garden, too.”
I started to cry and I pulled out my backpack and handed Trent his gift.  Trent used to be a children’s librarian when he lived in Huntsville, Alabama. One of his favorite author’s was Shel Silverstein. The first night we talked he told me that he always loved Shel Silverstein’s books as an adult, and his favorite was The Missing Piece Meets The Big O. I found the first edition ever written of The Missing Piece the second day after I met Trent, and I had it shipped to me before Valentine’s Day. Thankfully, I was able to give it to Trent that night.

Trent went on to build a huge garden filled with sunflowers and lilies. If you saw Trent that summer he was watering, tilling, weeding-anything he had to do to get that garden built. When we got married that September we got married outside and all of the flowers we used were flowers Trent had grew for me that year. All accept for my bouquet.

A lot of people think that it’s crazy how fast Trent and I fell in love and got together. How vulnerable we allowed ourselves to be with each other when we had just met. It was hard for me, it’s hard for anyone to put themselves out there. Everyone comes with baggage, but when it feels right it just feels right. You can’t fight fate.  If you have someone in your life that makes you feel the way Trent made me feel or vice versa, find a way to show them you love them tomorrow, and every other day after. The love Trent and I have is special and rare and it only comes along every once in a while. If God has blessed you with your soul mate, don’t take advantage of that blessing.

If by the off chance you are with the wrong person, and you know that you aren’t supposed to be with that person- don’t wait to leave. Life is short-everyone has a Trent, and everyone has a Mae. Go find yours!!

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MaeHem At The Mall

Chapter 4: MayHem At The Mall

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“Meet me at Towne Square for lunch. There are some great sales, and I don’t want to miss them, but I haven’t seen you in so long. We can do some shopping together. I’m bringing the kids. You bring yours.” Dana laughed.

“I’ll see if I can get Trent to get dressed.” Mae laughed back.

“Well, tell that giant teenager of yours to get going!”

“Yeah, but I don’t know that we’re in the mood for Show Me’s.”

“It’ll be quick. It’s a little early for lunch, so it won’t be crowded or anything.”

“Okay. We’ll see you there in a while.”

“Mwuah! Love ya!”

“You too!”

They hung up, and Mae shuffled into the living room. “Lunch and shopping with Dana and the girls, let’s go.”

Trent wiggled his toes high up on his recliner. “Do I have to?”

“Dana was right.”

“Dana? About what?”

“That you’re a great, big teenager.”

Trenton jumped up from his chair and chased Mae into the bedroom.. “You got that right! And you know what they say about teenage boys!” He tackled her to the bed, and they wrestled and laughed.

“Come on, it’ll be a good time. We haven’t seen Aisha and Alaya for a while, either.” Mae put on her puppy dog eyes and batted her lashes.

“Aw, don’t do that.” Trent grinned. “I can’t say no when you do that. Okay, let’s go.” He got up and changed from his comfy shorts and t-shirt into jeans and a sweat shirt that said ,’roadkill on the grill’. “There. Let’s go hug our girls.”

Traffic was light, and they rode to the mall in good time. Parking was a different story, though, and Trent circled the same four lanes several times, waiting for a good spot.

“We could’ve walked in, had lunch and shopped four stores by now,” Mae said.

“It’s my day off. I deserve to park close to the door.”

“There’s one!” Mae pointed.

Trent pressed on the accelerator a bit and hurried around to the next lane and pulled into a spot just before a teenager in a beater tried to grab it.

“Ha. Beat him,” Trent said, and put the shift in park, pulled out the keys and got out. He patted his tummy and said, “Hungry man. Let’s go.”

Mae rolled her eyes.

“Well, I can’t really say hungry teenager.”

Mae sidled up to him and they walked hand in hand into the mall. They had barely taken two steps in when they heard a voice call out to them, and two other voices squeal.

“Mae, Trent, over here!”

“Uncle Trent! Aunt Mae!”

The passersby stole glances to see who answered the call. Aisha and Alaya ran up to them and locked them in tight hugs. The glued-together group waddled to where Dana stood, smiling.

“Come here, you!”

Trent walked like a robot, arms out in front of him toward Dana.

“Not you, but okay,” she laughed and gave him a light hug. She let Trent go, and the girls swarmed him.

“I meant you!” She did a sort of stuttered, excited shuffle to Mae, and threw her arms around her.

They parted, and Dana said, “What do you think?” She did a little twirl and showed off her new outfit. Her mini skirt had a pleated section that flew up when she twirled.

“Nice. Been here long?”

The group joined together and walked into the restaurant. They were seated quickly. Aisha and Alaya were busy talking over each other, telling Trent about their week at school while Dana and Mae caught up with each other.

“I’m going with the chicken Philly,” said Trent.

The girls sat on either side of him. Aisha ordered a grilled cheese and a dinner salad, and Alaya ordered a cheeseburger.

“Y’all ready?” Their waitress smiled, beaming at the group around the table.

Mae gave a gentle kick to Trent’s shin. “Behave,” she said.

“Yup, we’re ready!”

The group ordered, and chatted while waiting for their meals.

“So then, Jamie, she said…. Dana, what are you looking at?” Mae followed Dana’s eyes to a set of broad shoulders and a trim waist sitting at the bar.

“Sorry, what?” Dana said without looking away from the eye candy on the bar stool.

“Do you know him?” Mae asked.

“No, but I don’t think I’d mind getting to know him,” Dana said and raised her eyebrows.

“You…” Mae said with a little laugh.

“Can’t blame a girl for window shopping. He’s as fine as Ghirardelli Chocolate. I, uh, have to go to the ladies room. No need to come with me, though,” Dana rose and winked at Mae. “I can take care of this on my own.”

Mae shook her head and watched Dana walk away.

As Dana passed the bar, she made eye contact with the man. He had a draft beer glass in his hand, and had just pursed his lips on the rim to take a sip when he saw her. Dana paused ever so slightly, did a little twirl and walked to the ladies’ room with her miniskirt swaying with her stride.

When she came out, the man waved her over. “Hey, good-lookin’. Can I buy you a drink or something?”

“Oh, I’ve already ordered, but thanks. I’m Dana.” She held out her hand.

“Jerome.” He took her hand in his. “You here by yourself?”

She shook her head. “We’re on a family shopping spree.” She nodded in the direction of her table.

“Ah. Well, how about you give me your number, and we’ll see about getting you here sometime by yourself. Or somewhere else. You like to dance?”

“Oh, yeah. Here.” Dana pulled out her phone.

“Jerome Elias Watson!” A harsh voice pierced through the restaurant, right into Jerome’s eardrum.

“Sasha?” He winced and pulled away. Dana turned to see a rather large, very angry woman stomping their way. Her fury shone through the dark skin of her cheeks like the glow of embers at dusk. Jerome’s face reddened, and he turned to the bar and picked up his glass. “Shit.”

“Missy, you can just keep going.” She pointed a finger in Dana’s face.

“Oh no, you don’t. You need to talk to this sorry excuse for a man, not me. He came on to me.” She turned to Jerome. “Tell her.”

“You can’t talk about my man that way!” The woman took a step closer to Dana.

Unintimidated, Dana stepped inward, too. “He’s the one picking up women right under your nose. How would I know he had an old lady?”

Jerome swung around on his barstool and stepped between the two women. In any other situation, he would have been safe, but even a six-foot-two bundle of muscles is no match for women who are riled up.

“Old lady? Go look in the mirror!” Sasha reached an arm around Jerome to slap at Dana.

Jerome swung his arm out to block Sasha, but when her hand hit his arm, he bounced back and smacked Dana’s shoulder.

By that time, Trenton was walking calmly toward them with a stern look on his face. “Hey, be careful with my sister. Let’s just be cool, okay?” he said.

Alaya yelled from the table, “Yeah, leave my mom alone!”

Mae put a hand on the table.

“She’s okay. Uncle Trent is there, and we’re going to just stay here and not make it worse, okay?” Mae saw the girls as they nodded but watched closely, ready to defend their mom, and she felt kind of proud, the way the family stuck together.

Jerome’s temper flared. “Keep out of this, kid!”

Trenton put a hand on Jerome’s arm and led him and Sasha away from Dana. “That kid, as you called her, can run you down and put you on the floor before you can say ‘outside linebacker’. Just cool this off. Okay?”

Sasha folder her arms and huffed heavily. She shot a dirty look toward Dana, but then looked up at Jerome. “Yeah, what the hell? Get your ass home, motherfucker.”

He dropped a bill on the bar and left with his head low, and his woman behind him scolding him the whole way.

Dana held her head high and sat down at the table and watched the leave with daggers in her eyes.

“Should have stuck to window shopping,” Mae said, trying to inject some humor into the situation.

“I just wanted to try, not buy,” Dana said.

She and Mae laughed at the same time.

“Hey, look at it this way. You didn’t end up as ‘the other woman’. I think that Sasha would have drawn blood.”

“Yeah, but dammit. I just can’t get a break.”

The waitress arrived with their food, and they dug in.

“Uncle Trent, will you take us to Scoops & Smoothies for dessert?” Aisha asked.

“You gonna have room?” he teased.

“Let’s all go. Then we’re going to look at shoes,” Dana said, and raised a glass. “To family.”

They all raised their glasses and said, “To Family!”

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Chapter One: Town and Country Mobile Home

**Author’s Note** I am going to be giving you all a glimpse of my new Ebook over the next few weeks and I would love your input and FEEDBACK! Thank ya’ll so much!**

Chapter One: Town and Country Mobile Home

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a double-wide at the Town and Country Mobile Home Park with a great big fire pit in the back yard. Mae and Trenton picked it out partly because they wanted to live without the stresses of the city, and partly because they just liked trailer parks – and the people who lived in them. It’s inevitable that the residents eventually develop a close sense of camaraderie after living behind paper-thin walls within twelve feet of each other. There are few secrets, lots of gossip, and the occasional block party down at the fire pit.

Since Trenton was a chef, the neighbors mostly expected him to provide some sort of exotic kebab or a new kind of corn dog. Mae was really good with logistics and made sure the tables and pot luck containers were arranged logically and kept the food line moving in the right direction. She also made sure that Rob and Maggie weren’t sitting too close to Randy and Darlene (Rob’s truck ran over Darlene’s gazing ball and he won’t replace it). Mae made sure that she and Trenton sat near Steve and Ruth, though. Ever since moving in, Mae and Ruth bonded like sisters.

One morning the trailer park sisters lounged in their lawn chairs watching the Stanton kids dig holes in Debbie Wheelock’s flower patch across the street.

“Bet you one peach cobbler that Debbie melts into a sobbing, incoherent puddle when she sees that.” Mae took a sip of her iced tea and whispered, “She’s close to that time, you know.”

“Oh yeah?” Ruth raised her chin and scrutinized the damage the boys were doing. “I’ll see your peach cobbler and raise you a breakfast casserole that she goes on a red-faced rampage. Remember what she did to Chuck last month?”

Mae choked on her tea. “Holy crap, who could forget. She stabbed his tire with a paring knife just because his wheel was turned into their trailer skirt. One little skid mark, and she totally lost it.”

“My Steve has a temper but nothing like that. I mean, we fight sometimes, but then,” she leaned closer to Mae, “the making up is awesome. The man knows how to make romance, for sure.”

They laughed and sipped their tea, and Mae sighed. “I wish Trenton would get a little more romantic. I don’t mean that he’s not, it’s just that he plays around a lot. It’s fun and everything, but sometimes I wish he’d get down and dirty seriously romantic. You know, just sweep me off my feet kind of thing.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Nah. Nothing like that – we’re great. Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Hallmark channel.” They laughed while across the street, the boys made mud pies and decorated them with Debbie’s violets.

***

“Mae and Trenton have hit the doldrums,” Ruth said.

Steve’s eyes appeared over his newspaper, and he raised his eyebrows. “They’re having problems?”

“Not problems, exactly, just a dry patch. They’ll be fine. Mae just feels like she’s being a little neglected and needs some special treatment.” Ruth grinned and batted her eyelashes at Steve. “You know. Like women do sometimes.”

Steve lowered his eyes and worried about his friends.

***

“…so Ruth said Mae and Trenton are having marital problems, and I’m kinda worried.” Steve grunted as he hefted a sack of cement into the mixer at work.

Chuck frowned. “Aw, not them. They’re the nicest couple I know… present company excepted.”

Steve grinned. “Yep. I know how to keep my woman happy.”

“You think maybe Trenton lost interest? Maybe even seeing someone else?”

“He wouldn’t,” said Steve.

The two men nodded, but the worry lines on their foreheads folded a little deeper.

***

Chuck’s fork was in his hand even before Debbie laid out his plate of spaghetti and meatballs. “I’m starved, thanks, Hon.” He slurped some steaming pasta. “This is great.”

Debbie glared across the table, waiting for him to eat so she could tell him to find out who ruined her violet patch and take out some trailer park justice; an eye for an eye.

“I also got some bad news about Mae and Trenton. They’re having some trouble. If it’s bad enough, they might get a divorce, even.”

“No! Are you sure?”

“Yeah. seems Mae has just gotten bored and Trenton is looking elsewhere.”

Debbie forgot about her violets. “Sweetie, I’m not really hungry. I’m going for a walk. Don’t worry about the dishes; I’ll get them when I get back.”

She took off her apron, grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and flitted out the door.

***

Maggie had just put her dinner dishes away when a loud rapping on her door startled her. She wasn’t expecting anyone, and had a good mind to remind whoever it was that good manners never go out of style.

Debbie stood outside Maggie’s door and banged on it again. The wooden plaque decorated with a filigree of vines and roses surrounding the name, “Stanton” did a jig in time with Debbie’s knocking.

“I just had to come see you. I’ve got a prayer request that just cannot wait.” Debbie stepped up and into the door, right across Maggie, and into the living room.

Maggie quickly followed. ‘Prayer request’ was a code that meant there was some juicy gossip to share ‘out of concern’ for someone. “Oh dear. Have a seat, I’ll get us some sweet tea.”

She set about, placing coasters on the coffee table and serving tall glasses of sweet tea with ice, garnished with a sprig of mint from her own window box. “Tell me all about it; what can I do?”

“Well, it looks like Mae and Trenton are going to get a divorce. I just thought you’d like to keep them in your prayers.” Debbie grabbed her glass and chugged.

Maggie raised her glass with a pinkie in the air. “I will surely pray for her! And Trenton, of course. I’m sure it’s mostly his fault anyway, make a joke of things so much.”

Debbie leaned closer. “I heard he’s seeing another woman.”

Maggie let out a huge gasp then regained her poise and slammed her mouth shut. She took a dainty sip of tea. “Oh dear. Poor Mae. I have an idea. Go get Chuck, I’ll grab Rob, and we’ll set up something special for her and Trenton. You know, a sexy, romantic evening with no interruptions.”

“That’s it! See you in a bit.”

***

The sun had just set when Trenton came home to see the fire pit behind his trailer decked out in Christmas lights. A stunning bonfire danced in the pit, and his patio table wore a full dress-dinner outfit including a checkered tablecloth, two lit candles, and a small basket in the middle holding a loaf of Bunny Bread and a bottle of Purple Cowboy wine, the “Tenacious Red” one.

He walked in the trailer and saw Mae laying on the couch. “Hey,” he shook her by the shoulder, “what did you do that to the fire pit for? Did I forget our anniversary or something?”

Mae rose and rubbed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Trenton went to the window and pointed outside. Mae took a look then ran outside. Trenton changed out of his chef’s tunic into a comfy, flannel shirt and followed.

“What… is this even our house?” Mae made an uncomfortable laugh.

Chuck walked up and bowed. “Will the lady and gentleman please follow me? Your table is ready.” He swept an open hand toward the patio table. He led the way and pulled out a lawn chair for Mae. The couple looked at each other and shrugged then sat down.

“Don’t worry, buddy, we got your back,” Chuck whispered to Trenton, patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

Maggie slipped in next to Mae. “Hey, Sweetie. We all love ya, and we won’t let anything come between y’all.” She picked up the wine bottle, pulled out the cork and offered it to Trenton.

He shrugged, sniffed the cork and nodded. He gave a confused glance to Mae as Maggie poured the wine, made an awkward curtsy and left.

Debbie walked up and lay a platter of spaghetti and meatballs in front of the perplexed couple. She put one of her finest Chinet dinner plates in front of Trenton and glared at him with hell fire in her eyes. She turned to Mae and with a sympathetic look, placed her plate. “I swear, Darlin’. If he don’t treat you right, you let me know. I’m here for you.”

Debbie dished up the spaghetti with a flourish as long as the pasta. “I hope y’all don’t mind; this was me and Chuck’s dinner, so I had to reheat it. It’s really good though; I used sausage in the meatballs tonight. Enjoy!”

When Debbie left, Mae and Trenton looked at each other for a moment then burst out laughing.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Chuck asked and reached for the Parmesan.

“I think we’re supposed to eat?” Mae looked around and saw Chuck, Debbie, Steve, and Maggie peeking around the corner of their trailer. “Or put on a show for our hosts?” She stood up and hollered. “Y’all get out here right now!”

The four friends timidly stepped over to the table.

“What in the Sam Hill are y’all doing to us?”

Maggie cleared her throat and cast a guilty look at Debbie who gave one to Chuck who passed it along to Steve who hung his head and glanced at his wife, Ruth.

Ruth looked at Mae with eyes full of love. “You two mean so much to us. We love you both so much, and we don’t want to lose either one of you. We, all of us, thought a romantic, candlelight dinner would help, so here we are.”

Steve said, “Yeah, Trenton, you are always there for us, and Mae, you make the neighborhood potlucks the best in the county.”

“And if you go gallavantin’ off with someone else, so help me…” Debbie shut up and winced when Chuck pinched her arm.

“What she means is, this place wouldn’t be the same without you, and just wanted to help you find that love that got you two together in the first place.”

The group nodded with sad, concerned faces.

Trenton laughed. “You thought me and Mae—”

“—were going to break up?” Mae finished. She looked at Trenton, and he at her. They burst out laughing again. “You silly, wonderful people.”

Trenton waved the group over. “Come here, ya’ll.” He lined them up and paced in front of them like a general to his troops. “I want you to know I would fight to the death for this woman.”

Behind him, Mae yelled, “Me too! For you, that is!”

He continued. “You idiots have acted very…” he paused and stroked his beard, “…sweetly.” He laughed. “You’re crazy, you know that? That’s why we love y’all too.”

Mae came up and gathered everyone together. “Group hug!”

After the hugging and a little crying, Trenton said, “Okay, who’s got the beer?”

Steve raised his hand and ran across the street.

Mae looked at the women and said, “Who’s got some tortilla chips and salsa sitting around?”

Maggie smiled and ran home.

The conversations and friendship around the fire pit that night was the best they’d had in a long time. You see, money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer and chips. And when you combine those with good friends and a double-wide in Owensboro, it’s all priceless.

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That’s all for now, folks! Remember, the good stuff goes in my book! I have a few more chapter’s being released to you first, exclusively. We got run in’s with a bank robber, sex, (a TON of sex,) and way more fun stuff! Tell me what you think in the comments section of my blog!

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An Honest Discussion About Ferguson At Our Weekly Denny’s Meeting

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My family restored my faith in humanity tonight. I’ll get to that later, but first we sat down and ordered. Our waitress came over and took our order and looked like life had just kicked the shit out of her. She was not her normal perky self! I said, “What’s wrong pooky?”

She said, “My home burned down last night…I have eight kids.”

“Eight kids?” Dana asked. “My God that’s my worst nightmare!”

Our waitress let out a big chuckle and walked off.

Dana and I sat with the girls and Kristal. Dana said, “Welcome everyone to our weekly Denny’s Meeting! I’m glad to have you hear this week with us, Aisha!”

Aisha started to laugh and really I was just happy to be there with everyone. I wasn’t my normal self.

With tears in my eyes, I look at my beautiful bi racial nieces as we watch the news in Denny’s. “Girls, what do you think about what is going on in Ferguson, Missouri? Do you understand why people are so mad?”

My niece Alaya is 14. “Yes. They are mad because he was just a boy. People are mad because they think that the police officer that did it should have gotten in trouble. Black lives don’t matter.”

And that was when I lost it.

I look at my 15 year old niece Aisha that isn’t saying that much. Aisha always has a whole lot to say, “Aisha, do you understand why people are protesting?”

Aisha nods her head yes.

“Do you understand why they are protesting?”

“….Well…I understand why they are protesting…but….I don’t understand why they are burning down their own city…”I nod my head yes, “I think that is a very wonderful observation…but for some….burning and tearing that city down is so much more symbolic than just burning and tearing it down. It is tearing down every racial wall that anyone has ever built for you. Anyone that has ever made you feel different or unequal. Tonight is not a racial issue. It is a human rights issue.”

I keep going back to our waitress.Could you imagine your home burning down at the holidays?

Dana and the girls go to the restroom. I set there with Kristal and just stare off into the distance. I start to tear up again. “Shit ain’t ever gonna change Kristal…I’m SO sick of the same shit happening! I don’t know how much my more I can take!”

Kristal half way chuckles, “Maeviss…who you tellin? Just have to sit back and be like Gandhi. Be the change you seek in the world.”

Dana and the girls come back to the table. Our waitress  is weighing on both of our minds.Kristal calls over the cook. “Did her house really burn down?” He nods his head yes. Dana asks, “Does she really have eight kids?” He nods his head yes.

Kristal starts whispering in the cooks ear. She hands him her credit card and she keeps whispering in his ear. The cook gets a huge smile on his face.
The girls start smiling too. “Aunt Kristal are you giving that woman money?!?”
Dana says, “I want to help.” She pulls out her wallet.
Aisha and Alaya pull out dollar bills from their pocket. Aisha said, “It isn’t much, but here!”

Three grown men sitting next to us pay their bill. They are mad because they have been waiting for an hour for their food to get there, so they leave even though they have already have paid for their meal!

Their waitress sits their food down. Dana says, :”Cha-Ching! Free food!” She runs over and the girls are so embarrassed they get up and go to the car! Lmao, Dana said, “What?!?! You won’t be so embarrassed when we are eating it for breakfast tomorrow!”

Dana and Her Denny's Haul

I go home and when I walk in the door I fall to my knees and let out a long cry. My heart is with Ferguson tonight. Trent grabs me.I think about what Kristal said. What Dana said. What my nieces said.

And the only thing that kept playing over in my head was, “Don’t shoot. Don’t shoot.”

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My Complaint With Walmart

tis the reason

Dear Walmart,

I would like to lodge a formal complaint. Today I went to look at Christmas underwear with my friend Lexi. I was surprised that you have a decent collection of cute Christmas underwear! Some have reindeers on them, some are green ruffles, some have santa suspenders-the list goes on and on. What was more surprising was where you had them located.

They were located right next to the check out!

If I’m going to look through a bin of underwear, (which I promise is an entirely new low for me!) I would prefer to do it tucked away nicely in the back where the rest of the underwear is.  I don’t like having a  group of teenage boys leering at me while I am doing so!

I live in a small town too! In the time it took for me to pick out a pair, (ten minutes!) I ran into my boss, my preacher, and half of my coworkers! Now, every time I’m in church my preacher is going to look at me and think of a giant reindeer on my ass!

Let me cue you in on a secret, underwear is a sacred thing. The right pair can give you confidence you never thought you had! But, and for classier women it is something that you only want your partner to know what you are going to be wearing! Change the location, I promise that I am not the only person that felt embarrassed yesterday! I mean have you read my blog? I am not someone that embarresses easy!

Mortified Customer,

Maegan Hagan

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The Greatest Facebook Fight Of All Time

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Let me first start off by saying, this is in no way a reflection of my friends and I! …Well, maybe it is! To get started with this Facebook fight I first have to give you the backstory. My Facebook is set to Public. IE, any random asshole can add me.

A few months ago a man named Ronnie Moss added me. I honestly thought it was a Fake Profile, so I was like- I’m going to accept this and see how this plays out.

Last week, I went to volunteer with GOTV with the Daviess County Democrats. Of course I put up a status about it! I have to live my entire life on Facebook don’t you know!

Well, I had a visitor on my Facebook!

The Status That Started This War!

The Status That Started This War!

Okay, so here comes Ronnie Moss-

stop bitch Ronnie Moss

…Por Que? ….Are you calling me, Maegan Hagan a bitch? Obviously, you have no idea you are talking to…

Ronnie Moss

Ronnie Moss

Okay…so the next thing I say to him I’m not so proud of….lol but I have a bit of a temper…

My Response to Ronnie...

My Response to Ronnie…

Okay, so fast forward two weeks later…I was having a REALLY bad morning! I mean I woke up with bad news and negativity from two different people! So, I out up a Facebook Status, (I know this is just so immature! Jeez!)

The Devil is alive

The Devil is alive

And that is when the fun began! Bahahhaaha ! I mean between Ronnie and my friends I had pure entertainment all morning! Yes, if you haven’t figured it out I am a twisted bitch!

Dana was on a bit of a photo kick this morning!

Dana was on a bit of a photo kick this morning!

For some reason Dana my Sister-In-Law was on a HUGE photo kick this morning!

Ronnie Moss You Are

Ronnie Moss You Are

Normally I wouldn’t have paid this old man no mind, lmao, but I had had my fill of bullshit already for the day!

stfu ronnie

Lmao, Yes, I understand I sound like a two year old!

what you doing for him

Ugh…..

I rebuke you!

I rebuke you!

That’s when my friend Bee steps in…which anything Bee is involved in turns into pure pandamonium!

Bee is the fucking devil!

Bee is the fucking devil!

Im'ma stand right here

Im’ma stand right here

Good you burn!

Good you burn!

….So this is when Dana Realizes this guy may be serious…

dana mischelle is this guy being serious

So is Bee….

i am eternal

This is just too good….

you dum

I should mention Bee is a writer too….

bee you're

So, then Dana starts calling Ronnie Michael…

Dana gets his name wrong

And Bee is just Bee….

bee has me dead

Dana realizes she got his name wrong….

Dana realizes

dana bye felecia

I have something to say again….

that escalated quickly

Kristal Kimbley chimes in with her favorite saying, “Tell mama I LUV her!”

kristal kimbley status

And then the best and badest bitch ever, my friend Missy Bales AKA the movie star put the best photo comment together known to man…..

ronnie looks like

And it’s even more hilarious because the entire time I saw this dude I kept thinking, “I know his face from some where!”

Lmao, I love my friends AND you Ronnie Moss! Also, real quick-if you all get the chance my friend Bee Beard has a fan page Bee Beard-Writer,Poet,Activist

He really is like this ALL the time! And you will really love what he has to say! Oh! And add me, Maegan Hagan and like my FanPage!

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Mae Gets An Intervention in Denny’s

Kristal Kimbley, my niece Alaya. my sister in=law Dana Hagan, and that's me in the back!

Kristal Kimbley, my niece Alaya. my sister in=law Dana Hagan, and that’s me in the back!

I was in Denny’s tonight and my best friends staged an intervention on my ass! My phone died and I started getting nervous! I started rocking back and forth and everything. I said, “Kristal, can I borrow your phone?”

Kristal says, “About that….that’s why we have brought you here tonight.”

My best friend Kristal picks up her phone, “Dear Mae. We used to have a really good time together. Now all you want to do is be on Facebook.”

My niece Alaya pics up her phone, “Dear Aunt Mae, You used to be a good aunt. Now all you want to do is be on Facebook.”

Dana pics up her phone, “Mae, you are a like whore. I can’t be around you anymore.”

Immediately, I lashed out. “What about you whores?!? You’ve been texting people all night!” I look at Kristal, “You have literally been Vining hard all night long!”

It just so happens I can quit anytime I want to! But first….let me go update my status!

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Maegan Hagan Visit’s Jimmy John’s

Jimmy John's Fresh Sandwhich

Jimmy John’s Fresh Sandwhich

Let’s talk about Jimmy John’s Owensboro! Okay, so on two separate occasions I was almost in a car wreck over Jimmy John’s. The first time my beautiful and smart sister in law was driving me to the grocery store. She looked to the right on Frederica and said, “Oh my God! Jimmy John’s!” She got so excited she swerved the car! Okay! So, my first responses was, “Really?!? You almost killed us over a restaurant?!?” And she said, “No. You don’t get it. It’s Jimmy Johns!” I said, “What the f*&f is Jimmy Johns?!?” And she goes on to tell this long story about when she lived in Indy she would eat at. I was like…okay. That’s cool.
…The next day I’m in the car with Trent. Her brother and my husband. He is driving me to Starbucks’s AND HE DOES THE SAME THING! So, now I’ve almost died twice over some damn sandwiches. I said, “What is up with this family and this restaurant?!?”

So, I’m at work this last Friday and my best friend at work Sara wouldn’t stop talking about it! I mean she was going on about how great they are and how they deliver. At one point I was thinking, “Has Jim John’s hired you as a spokesperson? I mean are you being paid to endorse their sandwiches?”

So, today I leave my doctors office and my doctor had just gotten Jimmy Johns delivered. So, I left. And I don’t know why but I was like, “I’m going to go try it!”

I pull up to the restaurant and I’m mad anyways! Jimmy John’s was so packed we had to park across the street! I was talking to myself and everything! I was saying, “Damn sandwich It can’t be THAT great! I mean what’s so great about it? They put crack in it?!?’

Trent grabs my hand and says, “Mae. I promise you’ll get it. Please come on this journey of the mouth with me!”

We go inside and it is PACKED! The thing that immediately put a huge smile on my face was…they have a LOT of people working there. Like, there were at least twelve people working in a very tiny space. I was thinking, “I’m sold.” Owensboro needs this. That put a huge smile on my face. I mean the holidays are coming up and people need jobs. My total came to 10.52 for 2 number 2 big John’s. I was glad to pay. They got our sand which done HELLA fast! I mean like 2 minutes! The sand which was AMAZING! I mean it was SO fresh and the bread was like heaven! I’m sold, Owensboro! I’m sold!

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I Have A Way For You To Make $$$ For X-Mas!!!

1. Go here: http://csesa.me/?r=qeNXWUPag

2. sign up

3. Invite 6 friends

4. Credit Sesame will send you an email for a gift card for 150.00 in amazon credit

Super easy and it’s legit! All of the people on my couponing sites are having the gift card sent to their email!! I just need two more people so help me out!!!

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A Conversation Between Trent and I at Two in The Morning

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Me to Trent at two in the morning:Hey! Wake up!

Trent:…..What? **grumbles**

Me: Do you love our lives together?

Trent: Yes,(half asleep,).

Me: Fine. Whatever. Nevermind. **sighs**

Trent: **sits up in bed and turns the lights on** Yes I LOVE our lives together! I love our home! I love Henry! I love Stella! I love YOU! We may not have much, but it’s ours…

Me: …Is this what you imagined your life like when you were a little boy?

Trent: No! Little boys don’t think that far in the future! I wanted to drive the street sweeper! BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME! ….What did you want to be when you grew up?

Me: The princess and the pea.

Trent: GO FIGURE!
…You’re my princess. You’re kingdom might not be vast as you expected, but you still are the princess of the court…Now go to sleep.

Me: I can’t… I think there is a pea under this mattress.

Trent: GAH!

#TrentandMae #Ourlifetogether #MaeganHagan #TrentonHagan #life#marriage

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The Shitty Tuesday Blues

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I had a really bad stomach ache Monday and I couldn’t go to the bathroom.
So, Trent has me take a whole sleeve of chocolate laxatives, and I did because I was thinking that was the normal amount!

It was DOUBLE what I was supposed to take!
In fact, it was the entire box!

So here I sm shitting myself to death pretty consecutively from 6:30 am till 8am this morning.

So, I finally get some sleep and I wake up and go to work…

Thirty minutes in I didn’t make it to the bathroom! I shit ALL over myself!

I am totally going to get Trent back! He isn’t going to even see it coming!

But, first I need to rehydrate….

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The Dreams I have For My Blog

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I want to find an investor. I want to put it out into the Universe that I am looking.
It has to be someone that has the same goal as me- to spread my message of empowerment for women, gays – anyone that is different. 
I need an investor because I do all of my writing from my smart phone. While it can be done, it would be excellent if I wouldn’t have to rewrite everything I type a thousand times.
I need someone that can guide me in the right direction for my future.
Everyday, my clicks are going up more and more. I just need your help. If you know anyone willing to invest in my future,  please email me or respond.
I believe in this blog,  and I’m banking on me and I hope you will too! 

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Taking Applications For Best Friends

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Taking applications for best fucking friends forever ….
1. Must be able to say the alphabet backwards if we’re ever in a jam.
2. Must be able to carry on long, deep conversations with substance, and then not have to say anything at all next.
3. Must know how to have a good time, but not party everyday. Everyday is not a party, and I already know plenty of people like this.
4. Must be willing to let me help you if you get in a bind, and do the same for me in return.
5. Must love gays, (extra bonus points if you are,).
6. Must be willing to go to at least one concert a year with me.
7. Can NOT get jealous of the relationship I have with my husband, and I will be understanding and patient with your kids if you do have any. Also, I will love them and play an active role in their lives.
9. Must NOT throw shade at me out in public or on social media. If at any time you throw shade you must be prepared to throw hands.

These are just a few rules, all applicants may respond to me in message format if you think you meet the requirements.

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Change Began With Me

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I have a new and interesting way that helps me save money. Every time I get my check cashed I ask for twenty dollars in quarters back.
I have a chosen a giant sized piggy bank crayon that I found from Salvation Army.
From there I have glued and taped the top of the crayon together.
So, when I start to feel temped, (trust me-I do!) I just don’t mess with it because 1. I have tape on the top, and 2. I think about how I would have to roll the quarters back up and realize it’s just a pain in the ass.
After a few weeks I already have almost a hundred dollars saved up just for something for me that has nothing to do with the new house! 
It sounds silly but let me know if it helps you!

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The Red Truck

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So Trent was driving me to work today and we got stuck in traffic. We got stuck next to a really old red truck. Trent and I had been squabbling about something really stupid. Something about how I’m always running late. The man and woman in the red truck were also arguing. Rather loudly.

“I try honey! I swear! I Try!  On and on and on it never ENDS!”

Trent and I looked at each other and immediately started to laugh.

Trent starts to mimic the guy.
“Gaaah! I try to get along, but you just have to get up everyday!”

The coupled  looks over and realized Trent was poking fun.

I laughed,  shrugged my shoulders, and said, “Married life- Can’t live without them and you come up with more creative ways to kill them everyday!”

They looked at each other and realized how ridiculous they were being. I watch the wife mouth, “I’m sorry.” The husband smiled and we pulled away.

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My Early Twenties

Going through my box of memories tonight. I stumbled upon pictures from the year I worked with the Democratic Party.
I ‘ll never forget the time I shook President Clinton’s hand,  and I looked over at Trent and said, “His hands are refreshingly soft! ”
Those were good times. I was so hopeful, and I believed every word that came from politicians mouths. I would fight you if you had one bad thing to say about Obama, (that still hasn’t changed that much, so don’t get cheeky!)
I think about our apartment on Byers, and people just randomly stopping by.
I’ll never forget the time that I came home from work,  I was dog tired, and I had just gotten in a fight with my boss.  I open the door to find my friend Matt slow dancing with our dog!
People were just so bizarre!  But it was okay because I was bizarre!
That was such a fun apartment!  We had cats living and breeding in the walls. (Trent didn’t believe me until the last day we were in the apartment! )
I was the life of the party. I always have been in one way or the other. If I’m having a good time, then you’re gonna have a good time.
Over the last few years I kind of lost that person. I don’t know if it was because I was trying too hard to be someone I’m not, or if maybe the party was over. Either way, its sad and I hate it.

My early twenties were the best time of my life, I wish I could write a book about them, but I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
What were you doing in your early twenties?

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Tick TOCK

Well, its 3:31 AM, and Trent just went to sleep.  I am going on my sixth night of not really sleeping.  I am battling major insomnia. Don’t get me wrong, I come up with the best ideas when I don’t sleep,  and I have been getting some HELLA amount of writing in the last few nights,  but DAMN, I feel like I might be about to lose it! I have had a lot on my mind lately, a lot of obsessive thoughts, and I am having a really hard time shutting my brain off. I seriously am about to go the doctor and tell hiM DRUG ME!  I probably would have already if I didn’t do such weird shit the last time I was on a sleep aide.

About a year ago I had been on Ambian for only a month, and I got a bill from my PayPal account saying I had purchased a bunch of picture frames. Like, not three or four-but fifteen.
I call PayPal and I am just raising all kinds of crap. I’m screaming and the it’s making me even more angry that the lady I am talking to is so adamant that i have actually purchased these fifteen picture frames. At one point I thought I was going to get a terroristic threat charge against me. Trent comes in the room and says, “Mae, what’s wrong?”
I’m still screaming trying to explain what’s going on. “PayPal charged us for fifteen picture frames! This bitch on the phone isn’t listening to me!”

“….Mae. Hang up the phone.”

“Why? We’re not getting charged for something we didn’t buy!” I screamed.

Trent took the phone from me and hung it up. I started to scream and he put his hand over my mouth.

“Mae, you woke up in the middle of the night about a week ago and you started going through all of our pictures. You started talking about wanting to make a timeline on the wall of our lives together and you wanted to get matching picture frames to do it. You got online, and I was trying to talk you out of it, but your mind was set on those picture frames. You ordered them, and then passed out on the floor in a huge pile of photos.  I then got you BACK in bed, and it took me a good hour to get the photos put away.” He finished.

I stood there in shock.
“Wait, why the hell haven’t you said anything to me? That was a week and a half ago.”

“I don’t want you yelling at me! Listen to how you just talked to that poor PayPal lady! I just let you do what you want, you’ll eventually tire yourself out.” 

….That is only ONE of my Ambian stories and I probably was on it for only a month.  Apparently I was also really bad about getting up and baking cakes….and eating like half the cake. Which, if you knew how much I love cake, it wouldn’t surprise you that much. What was surprising is, I didn’t  remember ANY of it! Like, I would have full conversations with people where I told my deepest darkest secrets, and not remember ANY of it!

On second thought,  forget the drugs, I think I’m gonna go buy a sleep mask.

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I Fell BACK In Love With My Husband

I had my surgery. It was a success! He went in there and it turns out I didn’t have endometriosis! I did have pcod and my one ovary was covered in cysts! They drilled for hours! They also did a DNC. The end result is I’m back to where I need to be. It’s been a month almost and still no period? Maybe it takes a while to restart?

I lost my second job. I was working for picture me perfect studios. They went out of business…..at least I wasn’t fired.

….I think I’m going to have to find a new job. When I came back from the surgery everyone was acting weird. They started writing me up for everything. They wrote me up for the second time for signing the date wrong. That means if I write the date wrong one more time I’m fired.

It’s really hard for me to figure out what I want to do with my life. I kind of know what I like to do and what I’m good at.

I’m good at:
1. Writing
2. Talking
3. Empathy
4. Politics
5. Philosophy
6. Making Lists
7. Partying
8. Facebooking

What can I do with my list?

…Also, I woke up and my legs wouldn’t move. It hasn’t happened since last summer when I got sick.    😦

Trent and I are getting along better than ever. That’s pretty much the best part of everything in my life right now. 

I called and made an appointment for him to see a lawyer for having his record clean from when he got drunk and high and led a liberation for all the local lawn gnomes.

The lawyer agreed and was really cool and said he would do it for 250 per charge. It’s probably going to come to a thousand dollars. We don’t have it right now, but we can at least do one at a time. And then its done and he can get a great job, and I won’t have to keep working these aweful jobs, and I can sit back and be a lazy housewife  😉

I actually enjoy his company lately. He made me an Easter Basket the other day and put it on the bed! It was really sweet!

And we have been fucking each other like rabbits!  You would think we were newlyweds!  His stamina is OFF THE CHARTS! It turns out-of-out a little (or a lot!) Of physical release does a body good! Damn it, it does my body good! I was needing some dick!

I also WANT to have sex with him now. He helps me out around the house now. The other day he mowed the lawn AND I DIDN’T HAVE TO NAG HIM ABOUT IT UNTIL I’M READY TO SLIT MY WRISTS!

I love that I have the man I fell in love with back again! The light of his love lightened my cold charcoal heart. I can’t believe I managed to fall MORE in love with my husband!

Thank you God!

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Please Work With Me, Husband!

What does everyone want from me?!? I’m just one person! I can’t be the only person in this trying to work to better our situation. ESPECIALLY,  because the stuff that is on his record happened before we even got together!  I am only one person! And I am sick! How many times do I have to say get a better job, before I’m so broke down that it doesn’t even matter anymore. I am told that I should be glad he even has a job. Why does he like staying at a job that pays 7.25 an hour? because it’s easy. ….Well I’m glad your one job is so easy on you but because I have to have a second job to afford medical benefits from my first job just to cover him so he can stay at his easy 7.25 an hour job, thst doesn’t provide health care benefits! Oh, and did I tell you my first job just changed my hours to where I’m sure my second job isn’t even going to want me???? What does everyone want from me??? I’m just wanting to feel better!

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