Category Archives: facebook

Most Superheros Are

Trent's Gift To Me

Trent’s Gift To Me

Today, I posted a picture to my Instagram account, and the picture is something that is a very personal story for me and I thought it was important to share, because when I am sick, I sometimes feel like giving up. The story behind this is I have Parkinson’s Disease and sometimes I have falling spells. Sometimes they are big. I was having a morning where everything seemed kind of off balance.

I fell when I got out of bed, and I went through our bedroom wall.

We were waiting for it to be fixed, but in the meantime, it was just THERE and it stared back at me everyday. Nagging at me. You did this! You did this!  Each this rolling off my tongue like a snake hissing at it’s prey. One day I cried out, “Why can’t someone just relieve me of my suffering?!?!? “

My husband saw me staring at it one day. The next day I saw a piece of wood over the hole. With the message that read, “When you’re truly awesome you know that it is actually a burden, and wish day after day to be relieved of such a curse. Think of about 95% of superheroes.” After seeing that I refused to get the wall fixed. The wall is symbolic of so much more than anything I could ever some up in this blog post. 

Sometimes in life you fall, and there is a mess afterwards, but you have to get the fuck back up! I have a lot of people out here watching me and rooting for me, and even some are just waiting and begging and praying I fail! I might be flawed like a mother f**ker but most superheroes are!

**Author’s Note:

If you would like to add me on Facebook please do! And my Instagram is @Live4Hope I am a great friend and I love meeting new people and hearing their story!

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My Complaint With Walmart

tis the reason

Dear Walmart,

I would like to lodge a formal complaint. Today I went to look at Christmas underwear with my friend Lexi. I was surprised that you have a decent collection of cute Christmas underwear! Some have reindeers on them, some are green ruffles, some have santa suspenders-the list goes on and on. What was more surprising was where you had them located.

They were located right next to the check out!

If I’m going to look through a bin of underwear, (which I promise is an entirely new low for me!) I would prefer to do it tucked away nicely in the back where the rest of the underwear is.  I don’t like having a  group of teenage boys leering at me while I am doing so!

I live in a small town too! In the time it took for me to pick out a pair, (ten minutes!) I ran into my boss, my preacher, and half of my coworkers! Now, every time I’m in church my preacher is going to look at me and think of a giant reindeer on my ass!

Let me cue you in on a secret, underwear is a sacred thing. The right pair can give you confidence you never thought you had! But, and for classier women it is something that you only want your partner to know what you are going to be wearing! Change the location, I promise that I am not the only person that felt embarrassed yesterday! I mean have you read my blog? I am not someone that embarresses easy!

Mortified Customer,

Maegan Hagan

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The Greatest Facebook Fight Of All Time

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Let me first start off by saying, this is in no way a reflection of my friends and I! …Well, maybe it is! To get started with this Facebook fight I first have to give you the backstory. My Facebook is set to Public. IE, any random asshole can add me.

A few months ago a man named Ronnie Moss added me. I honestly thought it was a Fake Profile, so I was like- I’m going to accept this and see how this plays out.

Last week, I went to volunteer with GOTV with the Daviess County Democrats. Of course I put up a status about it! I have to live my entire life on Facebook don’t you know!

Well, I had a visitor on my Facebook!

The Status That Started This War!

The Status That Started This War!

Okay, so here comes Ronnie Moss-

stop bitch Ronnie Moss

…Por Que? ….Are you calling me, Maegan Hagan a bitch? Obviously, you have no idea you are talking to…

Ronnie Moss

Ronnie Moss

Okay…so the next thing I say to him I’m not so proud of….lol but I have a bit of a temper…

My Response to Ronnie...

My Response to Ronnie…

Okay, so fast forward two weeks later…I was having a REALLY bad morning! I mean I woke up with bad news and negativity from two different people! So, I out up a Facebook Status, (I know this is just so immature! Jeez!)

The Devil is alive

The Devil is alive

And that is when the fun began! Bahahhaaha ! I mean between Ronnie and my friends I had pure entertainment all morning! Yes, if you haven’t figured it out I am a twisted bitch!

Dana was on a bit of a photo kick this morning!

Dana was on a bit of a photo kick this morning!

For some reason Dana my Sister-In-Law was on a HUGE photo kick this morning!

Ronnie Moss You Are

Ronnie Moss You Are

Normally I wouldn’t have paid this old man no mind, lmao, but I had had my fill of bullshit already for the day!

stfu ronnie

Lmao, Yes, I understand I sound like a two year old!

what you doing for him

Ugh…..

I rebuke you!

I rebuke you!

That’s when my friend Bee steps in…which anything Bee is involved in turns into pure pandamonium!

Bee is the fucking devil!

Bee is the fucking devil!

Im'ma stand right here

Im’ma stand right here

Good you burn!

Good you burn!

….So this is when Dana Realizes this guy may be serious…

dana mischelle is this guy being serious

So is Bee….

i am eternal

This is just too good….

you dum

I should mention Bee is a writer too….

bee you're

So, then Dana starts calling Ronnie Michael…

Dana gets his name wrong

And Bee is just Bee….

bee has me dead

Dana realizes she got his name wrong….

Dana realizes

dana bye felecia

I have something to say again….

that escalated quickly

Kristal Kimbley chimes in with her favorite saying, “Tell mama I LUV her!”

kristal kimbley status

And then the best and badest bitch ever, my friend Missy Bales AKA the movie star put the best photo comment together known to man…..

ronnie looks like

And it’s even more hilarious because the entire time I saw this dude I kept thinking, “I know his face from some where!”

Lmao, I love my friends AND you Ronnie Moss! Also, real quick-if you all get the chance my friend Bee Beard has a fan page Bee Beard-Writer,Poet,Activist

He really is like this ALL the time! And you will really love what he has to say! Oh! And add me, Maegan Hagan and like my FanPage!

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Mae Gets An Intervention in Denny’s

Kristal Kimbley, my niece Alaya. my sister in=law Dana Hagan, and that's me in the back!

Kristal Kimbley, my niece Alaya. my sister in=law Dana Hagan, and that’s me in the back!

I was in Denny’s tonight and my best friends staged an intervention on my ass! My phone died and I started getting nervous! I started rocking back and forth and everything. I said, “Kristal, can I borrow your phone?”

Kristal says, “About that….that’s why we have brought you here tonight.”

My best friend Kristal picks up her phone, “Dear Mae. We used to have a really good time together. Now all you want to do is be on Facebook.”

My niece Alaya pics up her phone, “Dear Aunt Mae, You used to be a good aunt. Now all you want to do is be on Facebook.”

Dana pics up her phone, “Mae, you are a like whore. I can’t be around you anymore.”

Immediately, I lashed out. “What about you whores?!? You’ve been texting people all night!” I look at Kristal, “You have literally been Vining hard all night long!”

It just so happens I can quit anytime I want to! But first….let me go update my status!

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A Conversation Between Trent and I at Two in The Morning

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Me to Trent at two in the morning:Hey! Wake up!

Trent:…..What? **grumbles**

Me: Do you love our lives together?

Trent: Yes,(half asleep,).

Me: Fine. Whatever. Nevermind. **sighs**

Trent: **sits up in bed and turns the lights on** Yes I LOVE our lives together! I love our home! I love Henry! I love Stella! I love YOU! We may not have much, but it’s ours…

Me: …Is this what you imagined your life like when you were a little boy?

Trent: No! Little boys don’t think that far in the future! I wanted to drive the street sweeper! BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME! ….What did you want to be when you grew up?

Me: The princess and the pea.

Trent: GO FIGURE!
…You’re my princess. You’re kingdom might not be vast as you expected, but you still are the princess of the court…Now go to sleep.

Me: I can’t… I think there is a pea under this mattress.

Trent: GAH!

#TrentandMae #Ourlifetogether #MaeganHagan #TrentonHagan #life#marriage

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My Secret Shame

I have a slight confession to make. I am dealing with a really bad case of mania. I blogged about my insomnia last night but its a little more serious than I let on. I choose not to take the meds that the doctors give me because they effect my moods and make me very suicidal.

It has been seven days, and I haven’t slept, and I haven’t eaten in three days. I took a melatonin about an hour ago and I am feeling a little better.

In the past I have actually really hurt my self while in a state of mania. Mania is almost like a natural high. only, it can become uncontrollable and fast. You feel like you are unstopable, like you are invincible.  I once broke my foot because I jumped out of moving vehicle. I remember people told me I was talking really fast and that I was getting louder and louder.

Doctors often confuse mania with someone that is on drugs. Because Meth is so bad in this area of the country,  doctors OFTEN  immediately come into the room and have a preconception of you and it can make it hard for you to be treated.

The main way my doctors used to treat my mania was with Benzo’s…if you know me then you know that I have suffered from anxiety my entire life. And I say suffer because,  anxiety is the ROOT of my problems, from that root grows problems with compulsion,  obsessive thoughts, RACING THOUGHTS, and so much more.

Inner peace is what I pray for every night, and the people that I know love me, they pray for it too because my anxiety has a way of affecting other people around me.

…..Most Doctors around here won’t prescribe benzo’s anymore because they were finding that people were becoming heavily addicted to them.

But, if you have a real anxiety problem,  and you live around here,  you know that the doctors around here were handing it out to people like candy. It didn’t matter if people didn’t need to be on them.

So, the doctor’s are handing them out left and right and then all of a sudden they are realizing that they have a huge problem on their hands.

So they take them away. They tell people that there are ssri’s and anti psychotics  that can help in the.treatment of anxiety. 

….but the problem is everyone’s brain chemistry is not the same. 

I truly don’t need SSRI’S …they make me manic. And I won’t take anti-psychotics. I have had really bad experiences with doctors trying to experiment with newer medicines on me. And unfortunately it is the newer meds that they start me on because once again, I hand been on all of the older meds because my doctors have been trying to get my anxiety right since I was six.   Anti psychotics  are meant to retard your senses.

There is s secret shame that you carry around with you,  knowing that your brain doesn’t work like everyone else.

The speeding thoughts sometimes turns in to thoughts of paranoia. 

It can make it really hard for you to want to trust anyone.

A few years ago, my anxiety became so bad I was afraid to leave the house. I became a shut in, and I am so sad to think it was the last year my Dad was alive. I hate that the last year of his life he was stuck up in my apartment with me.  Trent was pretty much my care taker instead of my husband. It all came to a head on Fourth of July weekend that year. Trent found me in the bathroom and I had swallowed a whole bottle of Tylenol PM’s. I just wanted to stop thinking, I wanted the peace to come, and I wanted freedom.

I was put in the hospital,  and I remember my dad coming to visit me. Dad had.a stroke back in 2006, and he was not in good health at all. Hr sat next to me. And then he started to cry. “You are not the girl I raised. I want to die knowing you are going to be okay. I don’t have much longer.” He grabbed my arm,  “I. Don’t. Have. Much. Longer.”
He continued, “I need to know that you are going to be financially okay. I need you to be the fourteen year old girl that went out into the world when her mom passed away, and not be afraid to find a job to help your family.”

He started to cry and looked as if he was trying to piece together a puzzle.

“I know you know you think too much. I know you feel what everyone around you is feeling. I do too.  I know because you are my daughter and I have loved you your entire life. I know sometimes, you carry other people’s struggles with you. ” He looked down in shame. ” I know you carry my struggles with you. You can’t. You have got to let me go…I shouldn’t have lived when I had my stroke two years ago. You have got to let me go. I need to die knowing you are my fearless daughter again. The girl that is like Teflon. ”

“Daddy, what if I can’t be that girl How do I get back to where I need to be when I am this far gone?”

I started to cry and he held me as tight as his left arm that had been affected by  the stroke would let him.

“It isn’t going to be easy….we’re going to start off small, and we’re going to grow from there. Every time your mind starts to race you write. Get it on paper. Get it out of your mind. That way your not being held hostage by these thoughts. They won’t be running around in your mind all day.”

I was released from the hospital after seven days. I found a job at KMart immediately after, my marriage slowly was becoming okay again,  I was becoming the old me again.  And because they chose not to prescribe benzo’s, I chose not to take meds at all. When I would have a trigger and I would start to talk in a loop, or think in a loop, I would pinch my kneck three times for good luck and write it in my journal to acknowledge that the thought was there, but I wasn’t going to let it hold me hostage.

Usually my obsessive thoughts don’t get really bad unless I don’t feel like I’m in control. Right now, although my life is better than it has been in a really long time, I still struggle when there is too much of an upset in my environment , when I make a slight mistake, when there is a lot of change. Obviously,  it’s change for the better, but my mind is having a hard time getting settled.

I just want to be completely honest with you. There is so much more to this story, and I promise to be completely honest, (it involves me stabbing someone,) but right now I am actually starting to get tired.

I will end on this note: although benzodiazapines are highly addictive,  the studies show across the board that they are EFFECTIVE and help people that suffer from long term generalized anxiety disorder, (when taken on an as needed basis). Everyone is not the same  and although I have always had problems with anxiety, when I was medicated PROPERLY, I did not have problems with mania, paranoia, and agoraphobia. These are newer problems that are a result from me NOT being on anxiety meds.   It is a shame that there is a medicine out there that can help make my condition easier, and doctors can write prescriptions to make my condition easier, and yet they choose not to…our mental health system is severely flawed.

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The Question

What can you take away from someone who has nothing? Some of my really scary thoughts have been coming back.

My husband of five years Trent was at work and he started screaming of a pain in his lower back. They rushed him to the hospital and they told him he had diabetes type 2 and emphysema. Someday I’ll give you the full story and everything in between that led up to him being in the hospital,  but for now our story continues after.

We had been living in an apartment that has black mold. For quite some time. And so when we found out Trent had emphysema I knew we couldn’t go back there. My father in-law invited us to come stay with him until we could save up for a new apartment. 

My life feels out of order. I’m staying strong for Trent and trying to make better choices, like not giving in to cravings for Taco Bell at 1 am, but damn it, I want a fucking cheeseburger.

Most days I don’t want to get out of bed. Most days I can’t figure out why I’m  so angry,Most days I can’t figure out why nothing makes sense. Most days I hear people talking and I start to tune them out. My mind goes to that place that I know it’s only been three other times in my life. I start thinking that the scariest thing of all.

I hate that nothing ties me to here. You have no idea how easy it is for me to walk away from everything. I’m trying to get better as I get older,  but that scary thought of being able to walk away from everything is still there.

So, it’s 11:42 AM. I have taken the dog out to the car with me, I am listening to Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd and I’m sitting here writing.

I’m sitting here thinking about how The Universe has a way of balancing out everything.  How there’s a whole story that has yet to be told. I am thinking about how there are positives to this situation.  And then I start to break down in tears because I’m tired.

Dear Universe: I know you have a way of balancing everything out, but if you could make it slightly easier for me I would really appreciate it.

The question was: What do you take away from someone who has nothing? The answer: Nothing. I’m still me. I’m still Maegan Hagan. At the end of the day you can take away my home and my money,  but you can’t take away my stories or any of the experiences I’ve had with people.  I am me. I am beautiful.  I am strong. I am here.

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Maegan Hagan’s Predictions For The Year 2013

Obviously,  if you read the title you will know that I have not drunk the kool aide and I don’t believe that the end of the world is going to happen at the end of this year. I do believe however that there are serious issues going on with the balance of everything in our Universe.

One of the things that comes with my gifts is this ability to feel what others are going through. Its known as being an empath medium, and it can be a good thing, as I can sense when someone is in duress.  It can be a bad thing too, but I digress….

The biggest thing I had happen this year that was different than any other year was that I was having these really powerful experiences where everyone was feeding off of my energy. If I was in a great mood, everyone else was in a great mood. But if I was in a shitty mood, EVERYONE was in a shitty mood.

I saw my moods effected by the weather more this year than any other year I’ve been doing this. There would be one day that I would be an emotional wreck, and then later on in the day there would be a huge storm coming.

But,  then I would find that other people that day had been an emotional mess!

Which leads me up to my point,

2013:

1. Mediums are going to be able to do much more with their gifts. The veil of our world and the spirit world is going to become harder to distinguish.

2. Okay, I also am going to make a prediction that this is the year that we find out that there are plans to start colonies on other planets. 

3. This is the year we make contact with other life forms.  There have been major sightings in all area’s of the world. They are caught by every major network.

Occupiers are back. There is a group that is extremists and they appear to be younger. Students in college. These people plan to take the movement in a new direction.

I see something happening in Moscow with their government.
China is a huge problem. They are secretly developing very serious weapons that can hurt A LOT of peope

Back to America for a second

Better news- I see gas going down halfway through the year.

Celebrities :
Lady Gaga is going to have serious depression issues that are going to show themselves more this year.

That’s all I want to talk about in regards to celebrities  

Okay, so here is my big reveal and if you take anything away you need to pay attention to this. Around April I see an earthquake coming. Scientists predict that it’s in California.  I’m saying that everything in my body is telling me its in Arizona. These people need to protect themselves. California will be effected, but only because of aftershocks.

This earthquake will cause us to work together in amazing ways as a human race to help people that have been effected. This earthquake has the possibility and probability, of destroying the entire state.

Something big is coming, in reguard to the human race. I think some of you that are reading this post believe me. I think some of you have this feeling too, and that’s why you are reading.

Some of you have been blessed with these amazing gifts of intuition and you are just now discovering that you have these gifts.  I believe very strongly that the gifts have something to do with the shift that is coming. You have to be able to learn how to use these gifts. More importantly, your gifts are going to be stronger than MINE,  and only you are going to know what to do with them. You’re going to have to use them for good and learn to keep them in check.

Its going to be hard, but you have to. You can come to me if you want to talk about it. Its a scary scary thing, but you’re going to help a lot of people.

So, that’s my predictions for 2013. For entertainment purposes only.  Do whatever you want to with it.

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My New Job

A lot of things have happened since my last post, so let me start with my new job. So, I know I had been talking for a while about getting a new job. I officially put in my two weeks at Kmart and started a job at Kentucky Wesleyan College as a Caterer through Sudexo.

I also direct reconciliation through cash registers. Its actually really fun!
My favorite part of the job is I get to be a Barista! It’s like being a bartender except with baked goods! I now know how to make practically EVERY drink that you can get in a coffee shop! And there are such cool and bad ass things you can do with drinks!

And there is so much I have learned about tea! I’m not a coffee drinker, but I LOVE the smell!

And there are a TON of sandwhiches I now know how to make!

Its great. It is hard work and good hours and really better pay. I now have a 401K plan and in three months I will have qualified for insurance for the first time in my life. I feel blessed. 

The problem is, with my illness, everything is ten times harder. I gave to be quick with the job I do too, and somedays I can only go as fast as God will let my body.

The people there are great. I actually really like my bosses! They are upbeat, and its easy to talk to them too. That’s all I can say for now but I am very greatful I have a job right now.

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22 Things You Should Know About Me, Maegan Hagan.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Maegan Hagan, Mae to most people. I would like to take a few moments to tell you what this blog is about.

1. I am scared of the color red

2. I watch E! News ALL the time!

3. I have a half pug/half shitzoo named Henry Chewy Barka Hagan, and a half pug/half Chihuahua named Stella.

4.My mom died when I was 14. She was a manic depressed and had a lot of health issues.

5. I am a 3rd generation tarot reader. I specialize in dates times, and pregnancies. I can smell it on a person. Also, I can tell if a person has just had sex. Lol, and other stuff. Like if someone is lying to me. Some people call me a psychic.

6. I hate the term psychic.

7.In my head, I am a reall down to Earth girl. But anyone I have ever dated says I’m super high maintenance.

8. My Dad was my best friend in the entire world.

9. When I’m alone I do REALLY weird things! For example, I LOVE standing in front of a mirror and pretending I’m being interviewed by E! News! I also dance and sing at the top of my lungs!

10. I LOVE Lady Gaga!

11.I Love my family and my best friend Kristal Kimbley

12. My favorite movies are Rent, Funny Girl, and The Way We Were

13.I am a writer. I am in the middle of trying to be published, and it has gotten kind of ugly.

14. I’m VERY close to my sister in law Dana. She is probably one of the closest people in my life. As weird as it sounds, she is the closest thing I have ever had to a mother.

15. I was brutally attacked when I was 15 walking home from school. I had to have my jaw reconstructed and wired shut.

16. One of my favorite writers is Chompsky

17. I collect interesting and new people. If I can’t find anything interesting about you- I won’t talk to you!

18. My favorite television show was How I Met Your Mother.

19. I have been married to my best friend, Trenton Hagan for seven years now. When I met Trent it was like gravity pulled me toward him. It was like I had already known him. To this day he said he remembers thinking the same thing about me.

20. I REALLY like Tequilla!

21. I truly ENJOY helping people out!

22. I once met Bill Clinton, and he thanked me for the work I did with The Kentucky Democratic Party.

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