Who Is The Most Inspirational Woman You Know?

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In celebration of Women’s History Month, I am going to be holding a contest for the woman that inspires you the most! Simply comment in the section below for a woman that inspires you the most! It can be someone famous, someone alive, (this includes Aunts, mothers, and grandmothers,) or someone that is no longer with us- as long as you give a name and a reason you will be entered into the drawling. You have until midnight March 31st to get your response to me! If picked you will win a 50.00 visa gift card!

The woman that inspires me more than any other woman ever is my Grandmother, Stella Knight. Stella was the woman that raised me. She took me in when I was a baby because my Mom was sick. Stella was 67 years old when she found out I was going to be coming to live with her. She wasn’t like most Grandma’s- she didn’t like to be called Grama, Mimi, mimah- no- she liked for me to call her Stella! She was there for every scrape on my knew, for every time I asked her to make me her famous Mac n cheese, and for every time I just needed someone to listen. She was my best friend.

In our neighborhood of Evansville, Indiana, Stella developed quite the reputation for feeding homeless people if they came up to her door asking for food. I’ll never forget the time when I was nine, a young boy knocked on her door. He couldn’t have been more than 16. He put his hand behind his head bashfully, “Ma’am, I hate to trouble you, but a friend of mine said you would feed me if I asked.” Stella’s eyes widened, “You’re just a BABY!”

I watched as Stella proceeded to make the biggest steak known to man! The boys eyes widened, and he started to dig in. To this day I’ll never forget how hard he started to shake every time he went to pick up his fork. Stella pats him on the back, “Slow down honey, there’s more where that came from.” About an hour later the boy stands up and he hugs Stella letting out a long deep sob. The type of hug you can only give someone when the world has kicked the shit out of you. The type of hug a 16 year old boy shouldn’t have to give. Stella gives him a bag of sandwhiches and our number. She tells him if he ever needs anything he is always welcome in our home.

When he leaves Grandpa John comes in the room, and he is mad! “Stella, you can’t keep inviting all these homeless people in to our home!”

To which she replies with my favorite response of all time, “Oh John, shut the hell up!”

Grandpa John chuckles to himself and goes into the other room. Stella takes me by the hand and we go to kitchen table. We sit there, and there is a long pause. She proceeds to tell me that when she is nine she is living with seven brothers and sisters in California with her parent’s. Stella’s mother and father desert them one afternoon when she is 11, she is left to take care of all her brothers and sister’s by herself. “You see Maegan- we as women are unbreakable. We are fighters. It is our responsibility to make sacrifices for those around us we care about.”

I never understood what she meant until I had a family of my own years later. We would go on to lose Stella to a stroke a few years later. Several homeless people she had helped thoughout the years showed up to her funeral. They shared stories of how she changed their lives, helped them get jobs, and even find a place to live! It was a beautiful sight. Stella Knight was an amazing woman, and she is my choice for the woman that inspires me the most! Who is yours? Remember, you have until March 31st at midnight to be entered in to the drawing for a 50 dollar Visa card! Just post in the comments section about the woman that inspires you the most, and give a reason why!

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Why You Should Watch The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

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Ellie Kemper stars as the title character, who decides to make a go of it in Manhattan after being rescued from the nuclear fallout shelter she called home for 15 years. Kimmy is one of the four “Indiana mole women,” who were convinced by a fire-and-brimstone cult leader that an apocalypse had razed the earth and the shelter was the only inhabitable place left. The women head to New York City as part of the obligatory media gauntlet, and Kimmy decides to stay there, choosing to shed her past in the city’s anonymizing bustle rather than let her involvement in a news oddity define her life.

I love the undertones of The Unbreakable Kimmy Scmidt. It’s about resilience, and never giving up-despite the odds being ever-so-NOT in your favor! Kimmy Scmidt makes you smile because she smiles, even though she has been through these terribly awful things. (Yes, there was some weird sex stuff that happened in the bunker,).The feminist undertones just put a huge smile on my face! “Cause females are strong as hell!”

PLEASE, give this show a chance! My only complaint is there is not more shows like this on streaming. This show was actually supposed to go to NBC, but NBC is being big dummies and decided to switch their format to only drama’s, (this is why you are in last place, and you will never be the Network you used to be!)

Kimmy Schmidt is a TOTAL winner! And so is her best friend and room mate Titus Burgess! He is HILARIOUS, and I noticed a lot of his lines are pseudo similar to Liz Lemon’s from 30 Rock, which makes me love him even more because Liz Lemon’s is one of the baddest bitches of all time!

These are the type of shows I would pay money to watch. I would not pirate these shows…take a note, Hollywood. Kimmy Schmidt made a last impression on me, and I can’t WAIT for the 2nd season!

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Her Name Was Dria

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She was robbed of all softness to her, there was nothing about her that screamed she was a woman. In my 21 year old mind I am equating woman with makeup and voluptuousness. I want to meet people from all different walks of life! I have to know everyone’s story! I was working as a Field Organizer for The Kentucky Democratic Party, and it was election night. I had just gotten off the phone with my boss. I found out that I had just been a part of my fifth loss as a democrat in the state of Kentucky. I was in a bar, some hole in the wall in Louisville, Kentucky.

I turned my phone off completely and went up to the bartender, “I need a whisky, three fingers.”

Bartender nods, and I smell a musky odor waft my way. “Been a rough night, eh?”

I look over at the person sitting next to me. She has sandy brown hair, and she was full of way more life than I had at the current moment.

“My name is Dria!” She exclaims. She is roughly 24 years old. She is skinny, and she doesn’t look healthy. She has beautiful, and long curly hair.

As bad of a mood I was in at that moment, her personality was infectious! I threw back the shot of whisky. “It’s nice to meet you! My name is Mae Knight!”

She asks what I am doing in Louisville, Kentucky.

“I was supposed to be celebrating something tonight-no big deal.”

“We can still celebrate!” She screams over the music someone at the jukebox is playing.

She asks where I’m from.

“I currently live in Owensboro, Kentucky. Where are you from?”

Dria laughs, “I’m from everywhere and nowhere! No one can tie me down! I am my own person and I love life and I love living! You do too! I can tell! Something is wrong though!”

I smile, “I try really hard, Dria.” I drop my head down and stare at my whisky. I feel myself start to tear up. I need to be away from this place. I need to be back at my hotel. “Do you live here in Louisville, Dria?”

Dria drops her head in shame, “…I’m homeless.”

I choke back a cry, “Do you need a place to sleep tonight, Dria? I have a motel…. My job paid for it.”

Dria lovingly wipes away my tears, “Let’s get out of here honey!”

We set down on the bed in the motel. Dria starts twirling her hair, and It has knots in it.

“Do you want to take a shower, Dria?”

Dria shakes her head eagerly with a smile.

“I usually LOVE showers! It’s my favorite part of the day! I love the way I feel after taking a shower.” She starts to strip naked in front of me. I am embarrassed. I have never seen a nude female body before. She notices I’m embarrassed.

“What’s wrong honey? Haven’t you ever seen boobs before?”

I start to laugh, “I’ve seen my own!”

I pull out my suitcase, “Do you like adderol, Dria?”

Dria looks at my bottle, “Oh honey! We are gonna have fun tonight!”

She takes three adderols and starts to crush up them up on the back of the toilet. I had only ever read about it, but the whisky is starting to hit me, and I just don’t care!

I take a line and snort it. It hits me all at once and everything feels okay and happy and like eating chocolate or the first kiss I have ever had with my high school crush, or the feeling I get when my favorite song comes on the radio! I was ALIVE! Dria is standing in front of me naked and she is undressed and snorting a line of adderol off the back of a toilet seat. I decide to undress too. No one besides my parents have ever seen me naked up until this point.

She stares at my over weight body. She is not disgusted. She is not embarrassed for me. There is only openness and warmth. Dria turns on the shower, “Why don’t you hop in here with me! It may make you feel better, honey!” I get in the shower. I feel a sense of both release and relief come over me as the water hits my face. The water feels good and Dria starts to wash my back with a rag. I break down in tears. Dria doesn’t stop. She keeps washing me. I keep crying and I hug Dria and she hugs me back.

I stop crying and this rush of magic euphoria washes over me. I smile at her and she smiles back. We change positions and she is standing in front of the shower now. I lather her hair for her, spending what seems like hours on each lock of hair.

I wash out the soap and I put conditioner on her head. I can tell it feels good to her.
“Thank you for this, Mae Knight.” I didn’t know why she was thanking me. After all, she was the one comforting me. We get out of the shower and I have her sit on the bed. Our naked bodies lay back to back and I brush out the tangles from her hair using my favorite green brush! I always hated those stupid motel combs!

I lay down and she lays down next to me, and she cradles me. “Why are you homeless, Dria?”

Dria sighs,”When I was seventeen my mom married an awful man…he did something bad to me…my momma told me to never come back. ME! So, I left, and I got caught up with all the wrong people, did a little heroine,  and now I go to the bar every night, hoping I’ll find someone to take me home…do you hate me for telling you that?”

I start to laugh, “No Dria, that makes me like you more.”

She lets out a large laugh, “Mae, what are you most afraid of?”

I turn away from her, “Two things. One, there is a train that runs right behind my house. It runs like clock work. Every three hours it drives past and it rattles everything in my house. I am afraid one day I am going to feel completely numb, like I do somedays….and then go stand on the train tracks.”

Dria shakes her head no, “You can’t do that! You are too spec-!”

I interrupt her, “Special. That’s the second thing- my whole life everyone has been telling me I’m special. I’m scared I’ll never figure out what they are talking about…I’m afraid that I am going to go away, and all of those people that have been telling me I am special my entire life…they are going to be completely disappointed in me. And that will be it. All my gifts and talents will have been wasted on the wrong person.”

We let the air dry our warm, naked bodies.I let out a long sob. Dria goes to hold me again. At four am we both crash.

I wake up and I feel completely refreshed and rejuvenated. It is a new day! Full of completely new possibilities!

I look at Dria. She looks so peaceful, and I don’t want to wake her. I have to get going and get on the road. I kiss her on her forehead, “Thank you!” I get dressed and I leave Dria with some money and a note.

Dria,

Thank you for saving my life last night! I will never forget it! If you find your way to Owensboro, Kentucky, here is my address: 1712 Thompson Drive Apt A

Love Always,

Mae Knight

I sneak out of the door and head to my car. I know I will probably never see Dria again. I leave knowing that this is one of the most intimate and human experiences I will ever have with another person in my life. I loved Dria without even knowing her, and I left with comfort knowing someone else in the world loved me too.

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Maegan Hagan’s Review of 50 Shades of Grey

I want to begin by saying I am absolutely positively encouraging everyone to watch 50 Shades of Grey! I want you to form your own opinion! Without further ado:

Top 8 Things That Made Me Cringe While Watching 50 Shades of Grey

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8.  Anastasia’s Hairy Legs

Obviously, I am exaggerating a bit,but I kid you not-every person in that theater GASPED when they saw how much hair was on her body the first time Mr. Grey took off her clothes! I actually consider myself to be a feminist, and I was surprised that much hair on her body made it into the final cut of the film. I do believe it was on purpose. Anastasia’s character is supposed to be very naive! I get it! But, if you know you are going over to your new boo thang’s MANSION to possibly hook up-you better shave those hairy armpits, legs, and bush! I mean it was everywhere! I, as a semi-feminist audience goer, was kind of alienated when I saw that!

7. The HUGE Rip Off of Twilight

It is no secret that 50 Shades of Grey, (The Book,) was originally intended to be Twilight Fan Fiction. I was hoping, however, that the movie would be changed a little bit so we weren’t reminded of that…nope! Not at all! That was wishful thinking on my part! At one point I dozed off, woke up, and said, “Where am I? Why is Edward not sparkling in the sun?” I mean from the walk in the woods, to her being clumsy, to her visiting her mom in Georgia. (I know, Bella’s mom temporarily was living in Florida! Way to go for moving it one state away!)

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6. Charlie Hunnam is not Christian Grey

I truly believe Christian Grey was ultimately cast wrong. Jamie Dornan is cute, but he is not the on screen persona that we could have had, had they gone through with Charlie Hunnam, (AKA Jax from Sons of Anarchy,). I believe that in itself put them with the wrong foot going out of the gate. There is something that is slightly…vanilla about Jamie Dornan.

5. Where was the pain?

It is understandable that Anastasia a virgin, and Mr. Grey was trying to EASE her in slowly to that life style…but the main attraction to 50 Shades of Grey is the pain with pleasure. With the movie, we see a lot of pleasure, but the pain is forced. When he is dominating her it is clear he is holding back! Even in the anti-climatic scene where Anastasia runs off crying, (boo hoo my billionaire boyfriend is a fetish with inflicting pain on me!) I wasn’t feeling it! Not. At. All.

4. Cinematography Is Truly The Best Thing About This Movie

That’s not even a huge task to accomplish! Seattle is beautiful!

3. Let’s Try and Sneak In Accurate Portrayal of BDSM Life Style In There

Once again, it was no secret that the BDSM community was highly offended of the book’s portrayal of a BDSM relationship. I felt like the movie had the opportunity to get it right, where the book had failed terribly, and they fell short by every degree imaginable. BDSM is not about signing a contract-that’s slavery. BDSM is a fascinating lifestyle with many subcultures to it. I love that 50 Shades of Grey has people talking about it, but why not get it right? If you would like to see an accurate representation of a dom submissive, please rent or download Secretary. It is a very sexy movie! And all about BDSM!

2. If I am paying to 9.00 to see a movie about sex, how bout the male lead, have to show just as much nudity as his female lead? I want to see some dick! It’s only fair!

1. The best thing about the whole movie- was the trailers before the film for up and coming movies. This is just a bad time for movies. And, the sad thing is it doesn’t have to be. That is a completely different blog all together, but real quick, let me tell you about the two trailer’s I saw that looked really good!

Train wreck Starring Amy Schumer

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Actually looks pretty good, and for the most part I usually can’t stand Amy Schumer. This looks like one of her most likable character to date! She actually reminded me a lot of myself, which is a scary thought that is where Romantic Comedies are going. But, then it’s kind of cool and more believable.

And the trailer that had me almost JUMPING out of my seat from anticipation:

Aloha

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Within the first minute of the trailer, I knew it was written by my favorite movie writer of all time-Cameron Crowe. He is also the director. First movie he has done in a while and I am really excited about it! Cameron Crowe is one of my idols. Aloha is about Bradley Cooper, who plays a celebrated military contractor that is returning to the site of his greatest career triumphs and re-connects with a long-ago love while unexpectedly falling for the hard-charging Air Force watchdog assigned to him, (played by Emma Stone-another one of my absolute favorites!) Can not wait!

To summarize, I do not want to discourage you from watching 50 Shades of Grey. If you would like to learn more about the BDSM life style, please Google it, it will be WAY more accurate, and finally-someone send Anastasia Steele some fucking Naire! EVERYWHERE! IT was EVERYWHERE!

If you like what you see, please subscribe to my blog post. You can also find me on Facebook under Maegan Hagan, you can also find me on Twitter @GoogleMeMae Instagram @Live4Hope Google + Maegan Hagan and Tumblr, mylifeasmaeganhagan

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Our First Valentine’s Day Together

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I am such a nerd for Valentine’s Day! One of my favorite Valentine’s Day was our first Valentine’s Day nine years ago!  The night we first met I told Trent about my Grandma Stella, and how she had been married to my Grandfather for 60 years. The last year of her life my Grandfather built her a huge garden filled with Lilies and sun flowers. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Two weeks later on Valentine’s Day I walked into Trent’s apartment and he had an entire apartment filled with Lily Plants! My mouth dropped to the ground! He said, “I’m going to build you a garden, too.”
I started to cry and I pulled out my backpack and handed Trent his gift.  Trent used to be a children’s librarian when he lived in Huntsville, Alabama. One of his favorite author’s was Shel Silverstein. The first night we talked he told me that he always loved Shel Silverstein’s books as an adult, and his favorite was The Missing Piece Meets The Big O. I found the first edition ever written of The Missing Piece the second day after I met Trent, and I had it shipped to me before Valentine’s Day. Thankfully, I was able to give it to Trent that night.

Trent went on to build a huge garden filled with sunflowers and lilies. If you saw Trent that summer he was watering, tilling, weeding-anything he had to do to get that garden built. When we got married that September we got married outside and all of the flowers we used were flowers Trent had grew for me that year. All accept for my bouquet.

A lot of people think that it’s crazy how fast Trent and I fell in love and got together. How vulnerable we allowed ourselves to be with each other when we had just met. It was hard for me, it’s hard for anyone to put themselves out there. Everyone comes with baggage, but when it feels right it just feels right. You can’t fight fate.  If you have someone in your life that makes you feel the way Trent made me feel or vice versa, find a way to show them you love them tomorrow, and every other day after. The love Trent and I have is special and rare and it only comes along every once in a while. If God has blessed you with your soul mate, don’t take advantage of that blessing.

If by the off chance you are with the wrong person, and you know that you aren’t supposed to be with that person- don’t wait to leave. Life is short-everyone has a Trent, and everyone has a Mae. Go find yours!!

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Chapter 5: Girls Night Out

Chapter 5: Girls Night Out

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Usually, Mae and Kristel meet at Denny’s on a Saturday morning for breakfast where they cuss and discuss the world and all its antics. This weekend, though, they decided to wait until Saturday night, that a movie would be nice, then go claim their favorite table after. They agreed that they needed a girls’ night out, and settled on the late showing of “The Wedding Ringer” at the Owensboro Cinema, then supper at the Denny’s just down from the theater on Frederica Street.

“I’m here, girl!” Kristel knocked on the door then let herself in. “Let’s go see Kevin Hart and Josh Gad dance the tango.”

Kristel gave Trenton a kiss on the cheak, “Hey bubba! I’ve missed you! “

Trenton loved when Mae and Kristel hung out, he knew a marathon of Pawn Stars was in clear sight. Also, Kristel was like a sister to Trenton. They had played in orchestra at Owensboro Middle School until they were Seniors at Owensboro High school.

Mae kissed Trent goodbye. “I’ll be home before dawn,” she laughed.

“I’ll be sure to warn the rest of the world,” Trent quipped back.

“Hey. We’re mostly harmless,” Mae kissed him again on the cheek then she and Kristel climbed down the steps.

“I’ll drive. I can drop you off here on the way home,” Kristel waved Mae to her car.

“Sounds good.”

At the cinema, they purchased their tickets and a couple of Cokes and a tub of popcorn to share. They had to dodge families and kids on their way to their theater.

Kristel watched on decidedly hyperactive rug rat brushed past her leg. The bump jiggled her arm, and spilled some popcorn on the carpet. “That kid needs his meds.” She and Mae shared a laugh. “I don’t understand why they show kids’ movies this late at night. This should be the time for us big kids.”

“Maybe we could go in to see Strange Magic with them, and bump their arms when they take a drink, and not even say we’re sorry.”

“Oh hell, no.” Kristel pointed to a family going into a theater. “They’re taking those little kids to see “American Sniper.” No wonder we’ve got a bunch of juvenile delinquents running around acting like fools. They get trained from an early age.”

“Those parents’ll pay for it later, what do you want to bet?” Mae nodded. She pointed to their doors. “Let’s go see granny catch on fire.”

Mae and Kristel left the Hall of Sticky Carpets and entered the Stadium of Sticky Floors. Mae and Kristel walked up the stairs to the very top. Mae always loved watching the people’s reaction to the movie as was were watching it -probably more than the movie itself.

Half way through the movie they saw something tiny scurry into the people’s aisle in front of them. There seemed to be three of whatever it was.

“Kristel…did you jus see-“

“Yep.”

The next thing you know people were screaming and running from the movie theatre! “Mice! There’s an infestation! They’re everywhere!” Kristel and Mae looked at each other and kick up their feet up.

Mae belts out a large laugh, “Well, at least we cleared the movie theatre of all those bratty kids!”

***

It was midnight when they pulled up to Denny’s. The parking lot was about half full, and they parked around the side from the front door.

“The trailer is always better than the movie.” Mae said, and opened the door to the brightly lit foyer.

“I know that’s right! I laughed here and there at the one liners and some of the gags, but they could have just made a silent movie, and I probably would have laughed just as much.” Kristel shook her head. “But Kevin Hart can shake it. Even Josh Gad managed to look a little sexy when they were dancing.”

“It was okay, though.” Mae turned to the hostess. “Two. And can we get a half-and-half tabletop? The one that’s half booth and half table?”

“Sure,” the hostess smiled and grabbed a couple of menus. “Right this way.” She led them to their table. It sat near a corner of the dining room where they had a clear view of everything and everyone.

“Thanks,” Mae said and crawled into the booth seat against the wall.

Kristel sat across from her. “All I’m saying is I’d still buy a ticket to see a sexy many in a tuxedo grind it on the dance floor.”

“So let’s go to a male strip club, already!”

Kristel looked as if she might consider it. “We’ll do that next week,” she laughed.

The friends looked over their menus, and their waitress suddenly appeared and placed glasses of iced water in front of them. “Hi, I’m Jennifer, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Would you like anything to drink?”

“Sweet tea with three lemons,” said Mae.

“Me too,” said Kristel. “Mae, we’ve been coming here every Saturday now for five years. For five years you ask for three lemons with your tea. Why not one? Why not four?

Mae laughs, “I got it down to a science. Three is too many…and one and two is not enough!” She fake crosses her eye at Kristel and they both bust out laughing.

“Are you ready to order?” Jennifer, who looked young enough to still be in school, pulled out her order pad and pen. “The special is, um, just a minute. I’ll go look at the board again.”

“That’s okay. We’re ready,” Mae said. “I’ll have the Bourbon Bacon Burger. She’s in the mood for some ultimate meat.”

“Oh, I know you did not just say that,” Kristel laughed.

The waitress stood there with a blank face, oblivious to the double meaning humor.

Mae and Kristel looked at the her, waiting for any kind of response.

“Girl, you need to get out more and have some fun,” Kristel turned her eyes back to the menu. “I’m going to have… the Meat Lover’s Omelet.”

Mae and Kristel burst out laughing, but the waitress gave a weak attempt at a smile, and wrote their orders down. “I’ll be right back with your drinks.” She vanished behind a partition.

“She’s about as loose as a rusty wind-up doll,” Kristel shook her head.

“Well, after waiting on us, ‘the Jennifer’ will either be wound down or loosened up good.” Mae sipped her water.

While they waited for their food, the bar crowd started to trickle in. An especially inebriated woman with disheveled blonde hair staggered up to the hostess, and when she opened her mouth to tell her how many would be joining her, the hostess turned her head and leaned away.

Kristel watched with a grin and became more amused at the drunken display. “I bet if you squeeze her, you’ll get another quart of 151.”

“I could probably run my car on her breath alone,” Mae agreed.

“There’s three more.” The woman shouted and held up her whole hand.

The hostess smiled her practiced, plastic smile and grabbed a handful of menus and led the woman to a table near Mae and Kristel.

“Did you see that? The hostess chick didn’t even bat an eye,” Kristel said. “And that smile? She’s so fake, I bet if you look on the back of her neck, it says, ‘made in China’.”

Mae laughed with water in her mouth which almost decided to fly across the table, but she made an epic save with her napkin. “Don’t say stuff like that when I’ve got water in my mouth!”

Kristel nodded her head to the door. “There they are.”

Two people, a man and a woman, walked up to the door. The man grabbed at the door handle and missed.

Mae laughed. “Oh, this is going to be good.”

The man tried again and missed. He also leaned forward when he made the try, and fell against the door.

“That’s probably the only thing keeping him up at the moment,” Kristel chuckled under her breath.

The woman, dressed in outdated leopard print spandex pants and an oversized shirt, pulled him back, and he swayed a step back. She said something to him and he waved her to the door. She successfully grabbed the door handle and pulled. It must have opened easier than she thought it would because she staggered back with the motion of the door. The man walked in and stopped at the claw game. He pulled out his wallet while the woman walked past him, mouthing some really bad scolding words. She saw her friend at the table and made her way through the dining room, holding to a chair here, and a waitress there.

Mae watched, hypnotized by the show. “I can’t even read lips, and I know what she said.”

“You know it. He’s going to be in trouble when he sobers up, I bet.”

“Not if she doesn’t remember it,” Mae replied, and they both laughed.

The Jennifer brought their drinks. “Your food will be out shortly.” The Jennifer then turned to the table where the two sloshed women sat. “Hi, I’m Jennifer, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Would you like something to drink?”

The blonde shouted, “Whiskey sour, no cherry,” and guffawed loudly. She slapped her friend’s arm, and her friend wobbled sideways.

The Jennifer stood with her pad and pen at the ready. She put the pen to the paper then put her head up again. “I don’t think we have that. I’ll go check. Be right back.”

The drunk women leaned in toward each other and bumped heads, loudly. They held their foreheads in pain, but continued to laugh louder.

The Jennifer returned and said, “I’m sorry, but we don’t have that on our drink list. We have, um, coffee, tea, juice, and, um…”

“Give’m coffee!” Kristel said loudly enough for The Jennifer to hear.

The Jennifer looked at Kristel, and her eyes widened a little as if she understood what was going on, nodded and started writing on her pad.

“Oh jeez, she’s writing it down!” Kristel and Mae both turned a little more to get a better view.

“I’m going to stand at the door and charge admission for this,” Mae said.

“Yeah!” Kristel said. “We’d make up for how much we spent at the movies!”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Nah, but this is better.”

Leopard Spandex grabbed The Jennifer’s hand, the one that was writing on the pad, and the pen made a long, dark line across the page.

“Hey,” The Jennifer pulled her hand away. “I get in trouble if the numbers on the pad don’t match up with what I turn in, and I can’t skip numbers.”

Blondie and Leopard Spandex both blurted out, “Fuck the coffee.”

“Okay, okay,” The Jennifer said, “What would you like to drink? And it needs to be something we have.”

“Strawberry Mango Pucker,” said Blondie.

“Chocolate milk,” said Leopard Spandex.

Kristel turned to Mae. “What kind of odds do you think we’ve got that someone will be puking soon?”

“Ugh, we’re about to eat, and you give me that mental image!”

“I ain’t giving you anything. Those two are giving us everything.”

“Where’s the guy?” Mae craned her neck over the diners and saw him still playing at the claw machine. “Oh dear lord, he’s still at the game. Maybe he fell asleep standing up.”

The Jennifer brought their plates. “Please enjoy your meal.”

“We’re enjoying the floor show more,” Kristel said.

The Jennifer, again, stood still as if trying to figure out what language Kristel was speaking.

“Never mind,” Kristel said. “Thank you,” she said slowly, loudly, and clearly. “We. Will. Be. Fine. It’s. All. O. Kay.”

“Oh, okay,” The Jennifer smiled happily. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

They ate and watched more drunks come in.

“Saturday night at Denny’s,” said Mae.

“Only in Owensboro,” said Kristel.

“Doubt it this time,” said Mae, and she took a huge bite of her burger.

They watched The Jennifer take Blondie’s and Leopard Spandex’s order, and were surprised that they all got it right on the first try.

About the time that they finished their meal, the man at the claw machine finally entered the dining room and joined the women. Blondie high-fived him, but Leopard Spandex slapped him.

“Looks like The Claw ain’t getting any tonight!” Mae laughed.

“Not with what she said to him earlier,” Kristel commented. “He’ll be lucky if he even gets to sleep in the same house.”

The Jennifer brought the bill, and the girls rose to leave. The Jennifer also dropped the bill with Leopard Spandex and Blondie. Spandex handed the bill to The Claw who pulled out his wallet and showed her an empty money slot.

Kristel and Mae sat back down to see the rest of the show.

Leopard Spandex turned to Blondie who had a big bite of eggs and hash browns hanging from her mouth and tried to tell Spandex that no, she didn’t have enough to cover their bill.

Leopard Spandex stood up and began yelling at The Claw who shrank into his chair. He pointed to the claw machine, and began to yell back.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you and get you a nice present, and you’re an ungrateful bitch!”

“You alcoholic, stupid, limp-dick! Can’t even hold a dollar!”

The manager handled it by removing the entire group from the dining room to a vacant semi-private supper room, and calling the cops.

“Ready to go?” Mae asked Kristel.

“Oh yeah. It’s almost time for the puking to begin.” Kristel elbowed Mae, and they headed to the cashier.

They stood at the cashier’s station, waiting for someone to take their money, and Blondie rushed past them into the bathroom. The sound of retching followed.

“Told you,” Kristel said.

Mae said, “You called it!”

“I had my money on Leopard Spandex though. Drinking chocolate milk on top of booze? Not too sure about that.” Kristel handed her cash to the flustered manager behind the counter.

“How was your meal?”

Mae and Kristel looked at each other, then at the manager, and burst out laughing.

***

Mae walked into her home, and found Trenton sleeping on the couch. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

He woke up and asked, “How was your girls’ night out?”

Mae grinned. “It was a great, big heaping plate of an Owensboro Saturday night. Tell you all about it in the morning.”

Mae waved to her friend pulling out of the driveway, and Kristel waved back. “Right now, I want to let you know how much I appreciate you.”

“What’s all that about?”

“Let’s just say that I’m glad your nickname isn’t ‘The Claw’.” She laughed and led Trenton to the bedroom and yawned. “Love you, baby.” They crawled into bed and cuddled.

“Love you too.” Trenton kissed Mae’s forehead and she was asleep before his lips even left her. He sighed. “See you in the morning, then.” He chuckled and turned out the light.

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MaeHem At The Mall

Chapter 4: MayHem At The Mall

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“Meet me at Towne Square for lunch. There are some great sales, and I don’t want to miss them, but I haven’t seen you in so long. We can do some shopping together. I’m bringing the kids. You bring yours.” Dana laughed.

“I’ll see if I can get Trent to get dressed.” Mae laughed back.

“Well, tell that giant teenager of yours to get going!”

“Yeah, but I don’t know that we’re in the mood for Show Me’s.”

“It’ll be quick. It’s a little early for lunch, so it won’t be crowded or anything.”

“Okay. We’ll see you there in a while.”

“Mwuah! Love ya!”

“You too!”

They hung up, and Mae shuffled into the living room. “Lunch and shopping with Dana and the girls, let’s go.”

Trent wiggled his toes high up on his recliner. “Do I have to?”

“Dana was right.”

“Dana? About what?”

“That you’re a great, big teenager.”

Trenton jumped up from his chair and chased Mae into the bedroom.. “You got that right! And you know what they say about teenage boys!” He tackled her to the bed, and they wrestled and laughed.

“Come on, it’ll be a good time. We haven’t seen Aisha and Alaya for a while, either.” Mae put on her puppy dog eyes and batted her lashes.

“Aw, don’t do that.” Trent grinned. “I can’t say no when you do that. Okay, let’s go.” He got up and changed from his comfy shorts and t-shirt into jeans and a sweat shirt that said ,’roadkill on the grill’. “There. Let’s go hug our girls.”

Traffic was light, and they rode to the mall in good time. Parking was a different story, though, and Trent circled the same four lanes several times, waiting for a good spot.

“We could’ve walked in, had lunch and shopped four stores by now,” Mae said.

“It’s my day off. I deserve to park close to the door.”

“There’s one!” Mae pointed.

Trent pressed on the accelerator a bit and hurried around to the next lane and pulled into a spot just before a teenager in a beater tried to grab it.

“Ha. Beat him,” Trent said, and put the shift in park, pulled out the keys and got out. He patted his tummy and said, “Hungry man. Let’s go.”

Mae rolled her eyes.

“Well, I can’t really say hungry teenager.”

Mae sidled up to him and they walked hand in hand into the mall. They had barely taken two steps in when they heard a voice call out to them, and two other voices squeal.

“Mae, Trent, over here!”

“Uncle Trent! Aunt Mae!”

The passersby stole glances to see who answered the call. Aisha and Alaya ran up to them and locked them in tight hugs. The glued-together group waddled to where Dana stood, smiling.

“Come here, you!”

Trent walked like a robot, arms out in front of him toward Dana.

“Not you, but okay,” she laughed and gave him a light hug. She let Trent go, and the girls swarmed him.

“I meant you!” She did a sort of stuttered, excited shuffle to Mae, and threw her arms around her.

They parted, and Dana said, “What do you think?” She did a little twirl and showed off her new outfit. Her mini skirt had a pleated section that flew up when she twirled.

“Nice. Been here long?”

The group joined together and walked into the restaurant. They were seated quickly. Aisha and Alaya were busy talking over each other, telling Trent about their week at school while Dana and Mae caught up with each other.

“I’m going with the chicken Philly,” said Trent.

The girls sat on either side of him. Aisha ordered a grilled cheese and a dinner salad, and Alaya ordered a cheeseburger.

“Y’all ready?” Their waitress smiled, beaming at the group around the table.

Mae gave a gentle kick to Trent’s shin. “Behave,” she said.

“Yup, we’re ready!”

The group ordered, and chatted while waiting for their meals.

“So then, Jamie, she said…. Dana, what are you looking at?” Mae followed Dana’s eyes to a set of broad shoulders and a trim waist sitting at the bar.

“Sorry, what?” Dana said without looking away from the eye candy on the bar stool.

“Do you know him?” Mae asked.

“No, but I don’t think I’d mind getting to know him,” Dana said and raised her eyebrows.

“You…” Mae said with a little laugh.

“Can’t blame a girl for window shopping. He’s as fine as Ghirardelli Chocolate. I, uh, have to go to the ladies room. No need to come with me, though,” Dana rose and winked at Mae. “I can take care of this on my own.”

Mae shook her head and watched Dana walk away.

As Dana passed the bar, she made eye contact with the man. He had a draft beer glass in his hand, and had just pursed his lips on the rim to take a sip when he saw her. Dana paused ever so slightly, did a little twirl and walked to the ladies’ room with her miniskirt swaying with her stride.

When she came out, the man waved her over. “Hey, good-lookin’. Can I buy you a drink or something?”

“Oh, I’ve already ordered, but thanks. I’m Dana.” She held out her hand.

“Jerome.” He took her hand in his. “You here by yourself?”

She shook her head. “We’re on a family shopping spree.” She nodded in the direction of her table.

“Ah. Well, how about you give me your number, and we’ll see about getting you here sometime by yourself. Or somewhere else. You like to dance?”

“Oh, yeah. Here.” Dana pulled out her phone.

“Jerome Elias Watson!” A harsh voice pierced through the restaurant, right into Jerome’s eardrum.

“Sasha?” He winced and pulled away. Dana turned to see a rather large, very angry woman stomping their way. Her fury shone through the dark skin of her cheeks like the glow of embers at dusk. Jerome’s face reddened, and he turned to the bar and picked up his glass. “Shit.”

“Missy, you can just keep going.” She pointed a finger in Dana’s face.

“Oh no, you don’t. You need to talk to this sorry excuse for a man, not me. He came on to me.” She turned to Jerome. “Tell her.”

“You can’t talk about my man that way!” The woman took a step closer to Dana.

Unintimidated, Dana stepped inward, too. “He’s the one picking up women right under your nose. How would I know he had an old lady?”

Jerome swung around on his barstool and stepped between the two women. In any other situation, he would have been safe, but even a six-foot-two bundle of muscles is no match for women who are riled up.

“Old lady? Go look in the mirror!” Sasha reached an arm around Jerome to slap at Dana.

Jerome swung his arm out to block Sasha, but when her hand hit his arm, he bounced back and smacked Dana’s shoulder.

By that time, Trenton was walking calmly toward them with a stern look on his face. “Hey, be careful with my sister. Let’s just be cool, okay?” he said.

Alaya yelled from the table, “Yeah, leave my mom alone!”

Mae put a hand on the table.

“She’s okay. Uncle Trent is there, and we’re going to just stay here and not make it worse, okay?” Mae saw the girls as they nodded but watched closely, ready to defend their mom, and she felt kind of proud, the way the family stuck together.

Jerome’s temper flared. “Keep out of this, kid!”

Trenton put a hand on Jerome’s arm and led him and Sasha away from Dana. “That kid, as you called her, can run you down and put you on the floor before you can say ‘outside linebacker’. Just cool this off. Okay?”

Sasha folder her arms and huffed heavily. She shot a dirty look toward Dana, but then looked up at Jerome. “Yeah, what the hell? Get your ass home, motherfucker.”

He dropped a bill on the bar and left with his head low, and his woman behind him scolding him the whole way.

Dana held her head high and sat down at the table and watched the leave with daggers in her eyes.

“Should have stuck to window shopping,” Mae said, trying to inject some humor into the situation.

“I just wanted to try, not buy,” Dana said.

She and Mae laughed at the same time.

“Hey, look at it this way. You didn’t end up as ‘the other woman’. I think that Sasha would have drawn blood.”

“Yeah, but dammit. I just can’t get a break.”

The waitress arrived with their food, and they dug in.

“Uncle Trent, will you take us to Scoops & Smoothies for dessert?” Aisha asked.

“You gonna have room?” he teased.

“Let’s all go. Then we’re going to look at shoes,” Dana said, and raised a glass. “To family.”

They all raised their glasses and said, “To Family!”

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Trenton Bugs Out

Chapter 3: Trenton Bugs Out

Trent with Chewy in the basket! Yes, that's our Maybe Baby!

Trent with Chewy in the basket lookin like ET!

“If I don’t have coupons, I can’t buy anything!” Mae protested. “Please give me the scissors!”

Trenton gave Mae a tired laugh but held the scissors out of her reach. “Tell me you love me.” He grinned.

“I love you, ya dumbass, now give me the scissors.”

Trent handed them over and received a kiss for ransom. “I’m heading straight for the shower. You wouldn’t believe the day I had.”

He went into the bedroom and emptied his pockets onto his dresser. He yelled over his shoulder back at Mae. “Raul thought he’d be funny and loosened the cap on the bulk jug of red curry. Guess how many gallons of house dressing we had to make to balance out about a cup of the stuff.”

“No idea,” she yelled back.

“Well, considering that we use about a tablespoon per gallon… ” He grabbed a towel from the linen shelf, flung it over his shoulder and went into the bathroom.

“How many?” Mae snipped a coupon for buy-one-get-one-free rotini pasta (limit 12) and set it aside just in case she found a better one.

“Sixteen!” Trenton turned on the hot water and eased his tired muscles under the shower head.

Mae came in with a Pennysaver and her scissors. “Sixteen gallons of dressing?”

“Yeah,” Trent said between soapy splashes. “We won’t be able to use it all. Wouldn’t go through that much before it started going bad. Gonna donate it to a shelter or something.”

“Gonna give’m the lettuce and tomatoes to make the salad too?” Mae quipped.

“I don’t know. I’m sure it’ll work out.”

“Sixteen gallons of dressing,” Mae said with a laugh.

“Can’t hear you!” Trenton had shampoo and soap and hot water running everywhere.

“I said,” Mae yelled, “sixteen gallons of…. OH MY GOD THAT IS SUCH A WEIRD-LOOKING BUG!”

“BUG??” Trenton’s irrational fear of anything with six or more legs overcame his rational need to remain upright, and he lifted a leg to flee the tub. The problem was, his face and beard were covered in soapy water, and the floor of the tub was too.

Before Mae could explain the full situation, Trent was feet up and butt down, and in spite of a probable broken rib, Mae burst out laughing.

“I know it’s not funny, but are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay,” Trent painfully pulled himself up and wiped the soap from his eyes. He stepped very carefully out of the tub, and looked at Mae’s strange bug.

“It’s just this weird ant,” said Mae. “Look, really.”

Trenton’s breath hitched from the pain in his side. “I just fell over a fucking ANT?”

“Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry isn’t going to make this day any better.” He stepped back in the shower. “Had to go in early because the prep guy called in sick, had to stay late because Raul had to be a prankster, now I think I -*ow!*- broke a rib over a…” He leaned out of the shower to drive his point home to Mae face to face. “Because of a freakin’ ANT!”

On the word ‘ant’, Trent’s enthusiasm got a little too much momentum going, and he lost his balance. This time, he managed to pull a disco twirl and almost did the splits before falling (again) on his side (again) and cracking a rib (if not before, then now, again).

Mae rushed to the tub and turned off the water. “Trent! Are you okay?”

He moaned out, “Not really,” before refusing to talk in exchange for focusing on trying to breathe without too much excruciating pain. He pointed to his side and mouthed, “Broke.”

“Shit,” was all Mae had to say. She stood up and looked at her naked husband laying in the tub, covered in soap and water, and holding his side. She bit her lip; she covered her mouth; she even held her nose to see if that would help, but no. She started laughing again.

“You know I’m going to have to get someone to help you out of there and get you to the urgent care, right?”

Trenton rolled his eyes and sent telepathic messages to his dear wife that she’d better stop laughing and just get him some help.

“I’ll call Steve; be right back.”

***

Trent lay in his recliner, and Mae brought him some sweet tea. “Thanks, babe.”

“I’m sorry I laughed, but it was funny.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“How are the pain pills working?” Mae put an afghan over his legs and stroked his forehead. “Is the pain better?”

Trenton nodded. “A bit. Hurts like hell to breathe though.”

“Just relax. I’ll take good care of ya.”

A knock at the door called Mae away. She opened the door and Darlene ran right in.

“I heard about poor Trent. Is he gonna be all right?” Darlene looked around. “Where is he? I wanna tell him to get well soon.”

Mae held on to Darlene’s arm. “He’s resting. Tomorrow might be better.”

“But we just got back from our camping trip at the river, and heard the news, and I came right over. Can’t I just see him a minute?”

“What is it you really want, Darlene?”

“Well,” Darlene gave Mae a sheepish smile, “if it’s not too much trouble, I was wondering if he’d sell me a couple of his pain pills. What’d he get? Oxycodone? Tramadol? Vicodin?”

“He’s in a lot of pain and needs his meds.”

“Oh I’m sure he’ll feel better by tomorrow. Maybe he could spare one or two just for tonight. How about twenty dollars?”

“Darlene.” Mae put her hands on her hips.

“You don’t have to get uppity about it. I just came over to wish him a speedy recovery.”

“Yup.”

“Well, if he changes his mind…”

“Bye, Darlene.” Mae helped her out the door and shut it. “Ugh. Sometimes that woman…”

“Who was it?” Trenton’s painful voice came from the next room.

Mae walked in to him. “Darlene. She wants to buy your pain pills.”

“Figures. Thought she and Randy were camping.”

“Me too. She said they just got back tonight. Anyway, she said to tell you she wishes you a speedy recovery.”

“And my pills.”

They shared a laugh and the door rattled with another knock.

“If that’s her again, I won’t be responsible for my actions,” Mae said and stormed off to the front door.

Steve and Ruth stood there. Ruth held a casserole, and Steve held a stack of magazines.

“Oh, it’s you. Come on in.” Mae opened the door all the way. “He’s in there.” She pointed Steve in the right direction while she and Ruth went to the kitchen.

***

“Hey, man. You look okay to me. Wanna go toss some shoes?” Steve sat down near Trent and put the magazines in his lap.

“Very funny.”

“It was when I got you out of the tub.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me.”

“You’re sexy when you’re naked and wet.” Steve barely kept a straight face.

“If I could move, I’d break your ribs!” Trenton groaned and looked at the magazines.

“I thought you could use something to keep you occupied while you’re fixin’ up.” Steve pointed to the one on top. “That one’s from the barbershop I go to. I haven’t looked in it, but it’s got some travel stuff. Thought you might like it.”

Trenton shuffled through the stack of magazines. “Better Homes & Gardens?”

“Well, that one was from Ruth.”

They heard a knock at the door and Mae’s voice answering. From the other room they heard her say, “I guess so. Come on.”

Maggie and Rob squeezed into the room.

“Oh you poor thing,” Maggie said. “Here. I fixed up some liniment from my grandma’s recipe. It’ll help heal those ribs up in no time. Rub it on three times a day.”

Trent took the small jar and opened it. His nose didn’t get within ten inches before being assaulted by a spicy odor more pungent than a cup of red curry. He slammed the lid back on. “Thanks, Maggie.”

“We just wanted to tell you to get better soon, and if you need anything, just holler.” Rob held his hand out as if to shake with Trent, but Trent just looked at it and gave Rob a look that said, ‘really?’ Rob’s hand went awkwardly to his side. “Uh, well, I guess we’ll go and let you recuperate. Call us, okay?”

“Okay, will do,” Trent said through clenched teeth. “Damn this hurts.”

As Maggie and Rob left, Darlene went right in past them into Trent’s recovery room. “Hey, Trent, I’m so sorry to hear about your accident, and I was just wondering if…”

“Darlene Wheelock, get on back home!” Mae stormed in and pointed to the door.

“Come on, I just want to ask one little question.” She turned to Trent. “How about twenty dollars?”

Trent’s eyes widened. “What the hell?”

“The answer is no; now get on home before I call Randy to come drag you home!” Mae was in her war stance: hands on hips, feet apart, head down, and eyes full of fire.

“Thirty?”

Mae grabbed Darlene by the arm and dragged her to the door.

“Thirty-five, and that’s my final offer!” She hollered up the steps as she was being put down them.

“I’m sorry, but your account is no longer in good standing, and your transaction has been declined,” Mae said, and shut the door in Darlene’s face.

“What was she on about?” Trent asked.

“Guess.” Mae looked at the prescription bottle on the table.

Steve, Ruth, and Trent, all at once rolled their eyes and said, “Ohhh. Yeah.”

“We’d better be going too. Call me.” Ruth gave Mae a little hug and patted Trent’s arm.

“See ya, buddy. But not like I saw you this afternoon. Ever. I hope.” Steve saluted Trent, and he and Ruth went out the door.

Mae locked it and turned out the porch light.

As they got into bed, Mae turned to Trent and kissed his cheek. “Sixteen gallons, huh?”

They grinned, and Trent grunted.

“Shut up. I love you.”

“Love you too. ‘Night.”

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Chapter Two: Maegan Hagan’s Most Wanted

****Author’s Note** I will be releasing a new chapter every Wednesday and Thursday. Please let me know what you think in the comments section of the blog!

town

Chapter Two: Maegan Hagan’s Most Wanted

Mae met Huck on a Thursday. She remembered because Thursdays always seemed to not quite fit in with the rest of her week. Mondays were easy to understand; they consisted of coffee and data entry at work . Tuesdays and Wednesdays were business as usual. Fridays were the light at the end of her workweek tunnel, but Thursdays? Thursdays were too close to Friday and too far from Monday. This particular Thursday, she came home from working all day at the bank and pulled into the driveway, noticing a strange man mowing Steve and Ruth’s yard next door.

Ruth came out of her trailer, drying her hands with a dish towel. “Hey, bestie! How was your day?”

The friends gave each other a quick hug. Mae shrugged and said, “It was Thursday.”

Ruth laughed, “Oh yeah, I forgot about Thursdays.”

“Who’s the guy doing your yard?” Mae nodded at the scruffy-haired, shirtless, skinny man who had to pause every four steps to pull up his sagging jeans.

Ruth rolled her eyes. “That’s Huck. He’s a friend of a friend of my brother’s cousin. They asked if he could stay with us for a while. His old lady kicked him out, and he needed a place to stay until he gets on his feet.”

“Get on his feet? How old is he?”

“Forty” Ruth laughed and said sheepishly. “I know, not a kid. But they said he was a good guy, and I couldn’t stand thinking that I could be responsible for him being homeless if we didn’t help.”

“Ruth, sometimes your heart is way too big,” Mae laughed. “Well, maybe we can have him mow for us too. I have to get in now, though. Trenton is working a little late, so I’m going to start dinner.”

“Oh hey, how about we just grub it together tonight? We’ll bring the meat and a jug of sweet tea. You’ll get to meet Huck, too.”

“That would be awesome. I’ll toss up a salad and whip up some tater salad. I think we have some PBR in the fridge. I’ll bring that too.”

The ladies performed their ritual high five followed by a hip bump and wink. “See you around seven, then?”

“Sounds great.”

***

“Trenton, if you had a pet name for me, what would it be?” Mae rolled over in bed and snuggled up against him.

“Huh?”

“Well, like Ruth’s friend out there tonight. Said his name is Huck. I’m guessing short for Huckleberry or something. Funny name, but anyway, what would you nickname me?”

Trenton rolled over and Mae reached up and scratched his bearded chin. “I would call you… Fluffy.”

“Fluffy?” Mae sat up and put her hands on her hips. “I’m not a dog.!”

Trenton sat up and put his arms around her and pulled her back to bed. “Nope. You’re not. But I like your fluffy, round ass.”

He gave her a light smack on her fluffiness, and she giggled, pulled the covers over their heads, and snuggled her fluffiness against her favorite bearded man.

***

“Did you hear about Ace National? They were robbed just a while ago.”

Mae turned to her coworker, Cheyenne. “No. Like, just today?”

“Yeah. The guy got away, too” Cheyenne said matter-of-factly. She then slammed a stack of files down in her cube. Mae had a nagging feeling in her stomach, and something told her to turn on the news. Mae always had a weird sixth sense that no one, (not even herself,) understood. “This is a camera shot of the man who robbed Ace this morning. As usual, it’s a little fuzzy, but his face is fairly clear. Take a good look and call our anonymous tip line if you have any information regarding this robbery.”

Mae looked at the news footage. She looked at the video on the screen and thought the man looked familiar, but in her position, she’d seen every facial shape hundreds of times. Suddenly it hit her-it was Huck.

***

Mae and Ruth sat at the fire pit, sipping sweet tea and catching up on their day. “All I can say is T.G.I.F.!”

Trenton and Steve left their man-huddle on Steve’s stoop. Trenton grabbed the spikes and horseshoes from the Rubbermaid chest behind his trailer, and Steve and Ruth stood in the places where Trenton could hammer the spikes into the ground.

“You know what’s kind of funny?” Mae asked Trenton while she swung a horseshoe to within half a foot of the spike in front of Ruth.

“I can think of a few things,” he said.

“I saw the news with the security cameras at Ace. The guy reminded me of Huck a little.” She tossed a ringer, clapped her hands and put them up in the air. “Yes!”

“Lucky shot,” Ruth teased. “Not surprising. Huck looks like every other freeloader.” She chuckled and picked up the shoes.

“No, really. The more I think about it, the more I really think it was him.”

“Mae, you been drinking Mad Dog 20/20 again?” Steve elbowed Mae at the joke and laughed.

“Nooo. And don’t crack about diabetes from the sugar in my tea, either.”

Trenton stood behind their stake. “If you look at anyone long enough, they start to look familiar, hon. That’s all. It’s just a coincidence.”

“Besides,” Ruth said, “I LIVE with the guy and even I think it was someone else.”

“Just toss, will ya?” Mae played the game, but in her mind she was certain of two things-two plus two is four, AND HUCK ROBBED ACE NATIONAL BANK!

“One more round, then I’ve got to eat something,” Steve said.

Just then, a little Honda Civic pulled up, and a driver in a red shirt and a blue cap got out and carried an armful of pizzas over to them.

“Here ya go. Where do you want’em?”

They heard the trailer door slam, and Huck came out sporting a nice haircut. He joined the group and pulled out a shiny, new leather wallet attached by a long silver chain to his brand new jeans. “I got this. How much?”

“Fifty-seven forty-five.”

“Here’s eighty. Keep the change.”

The driver grinned and thanked him then ran back to his car and took off.

“Y’all have been so nice to me, I thought I’d buy dinner tonight. Anybody hungry?” He set the pizzas on the patio table.

Mae shot a knowing look at Trenton as everyone walked over to the table and whispered, “Still think it’s just a coincidence?”

“Mae, he’s been doing odd jobs; probably got paid cash.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Check this out, y’all. He got the one with hot sauce!” Steve piled a paper plate with several pieces.

***

“Mae, if you’re so sure, why don’t you call someone?” Trenton’s words bubbled from his lips and dripped on his beard as he brushed his teeth before bed.

“Didn’t your momma ever teach you not to snitch?” Mae chuckled and said, “Besides, what if I am wrong.” She towel-dried her face and lightly stroked her night cream on – using the ring fingers because they are the weakest fingers and won’t pull at the skin as much as the others – as she’d been taught by her Mary Kay lady.

“There ya go.” Trenton spit into the sink. “By morning, the two faces will look so different, you’ll wonder why you ever had the thought in the first place.” He walked to the bedroom.

Mae followed. “I still think it’s him.”

“Stubborn.”

“Yep.”

“Love you. Good night.”

“Love you too.” Mae turned off the lamp on her nightstand and whispered, “It’s him.”

She heard Trenton laugh under his breath just before she fell asleep.

In the morning, she slapped her hand on the alarm clock to make it stop blaring. Through blurry eyes she looked at the lighted display.

“Five thirty-two?!” She realized that her alarm was not going off, but several sirens were blaring outside her window. “Trenton! Get up!”

He shot up, straight as a board. “What the heck?”

They ran to the window and squished against each other, vying for the best view.

Outside, no less than five police cars had surrounded their area in the trailer park. Armed police officers, weapons drawn, stood at key locations, vigilantly watching for any trouble.

Trenton and Mae went down the hall to the living room window, and looked at Steve and Ruth’s trailer. One officer stood at their open door while another walked out of the trailer holding Huck by the elbow. Huck walked out with his head hung low and his hands cuffed behind his back.

Mae gave Trenton a love slap on his shoulder. “Told you.”

“I shall never doubt you again.” He kissed her on the top of her head. “I don’t think we’re going back to sleep; what would you like for breakfast?”

“I know what you should eat,” Mae said with a coy, teasing voice. She leaned up and brushed her cheek against his beard and whispered in his ear. “Crow soup.” Mae took off back to the bedroom.

“Hey, you!”

Trenton gave chase and caught her with enough momentum to send them flying onto the bed, laughing. “Only in Owensboro,” he said, and pulled the covers over their heads.

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Chapter One: Town and Country Mobile Home

**Author’s Note** I am going to be giving you all a glimpse of my new Ebook over the next few weeks and I would love your input and FEEDBACK! Thank ya’ll so much!**

Chapter One: Town and Country Mobile Home

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a double-wide at the Town and Country Mobile Home Park with a great big fire pit in the back yard. Mae and Trenton picked it out partly because they wanted to live without the stresses of the city, and partly because they just liked trailer parks – and the people who lived in them. It’s inevitable that the residents eventually develop a close sense of camaraderie after living behind paper-thin walls within twelve feet of each other. There are few secrets, lots of gossip, and the occasional block party down at the fire pit.

Since Trenton was a chef, the neighbors mostly expected him to provide some sort of exotic kebab or a new kind of corn dog. Mae was really good with logistics and made sure the tables and pot luck containers were arranged logically and kept the food line moving in the right direction. She also made sure that Rob and Maggie weren’t sitting too close to Randy and Darlene (Rob’s truck ran over Darlene’s gazing ball and he won’t replace it). Mae made sure that she and Trenton sat near Steve and Ruth, though. Ever since moving in, Mae and Ruth bonded like sisters.

One morning the trailer park sisters lounged in their lawn chairs watching the Stanton kids dig holes in Debbie Wheelock’s flower patch across the street.

“Bet you one peach cobbler that Debbie melts into a sobbing, incoherent puddle when she sees that.” Mae took a sip of her iced tea and whispered, “She’s close to that time, you know.”

“Oh yeah?” Ruth raised her chin and scrutinized the damage the boys were doing. “I’ll see your peach cobbler and raise you a breakfast casserole that she goes on a red-faced rampage. Remember what she did to Chuck last month?”

Mae choked on her tea. “Holy crap, who could forget. She stabbed his tire with a paring knife just because his wheel was turned into their trailer skirt. One little skid mark, and she totally lost it.”

“My Steve has a temper but nothing like that. I mean, we fight sometimes, but then,” she leaned closer to Mae, “the making up is awesome. The man knows how to make romance, for sure.”

They laughed and sipped their tea, and Mae sighed. “I wish Trenton would get a little more romantic. I don’t mean that he’s not, it’s just that he plays around a lot. It’s fun and everything, but sometimes I wish he’d get down and dirty seriously romantic. You know, just sweep me off my feet kind of thing.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Nah. Nothing like that – we’re great. Maybe I’ve just been watching too much Hallmark channel.” They laughed while across the street, the boys made mud pies and decorated them with Debbie’s violets.

***

“Mae and Trenton have hit the doldrums,” Ruth said.

Steve’s eyes appeared over his newspaper, and he raised his eyebrows. “They’re having problems?”

“Not problems, exactly, just a dry patch. They’ll be fine. Mae just feels like she’s being a little neglected and needs some special treatment.” Ruth grinned and batted her eyelashes at Steve. “You know. Like women do sometimes.”

Steve lowered his eyes and worried about his friends.

***

“…so Ruth said Mae and Trenton are having marital problems, and I’m kinda worried.” Steve grunted as he hefted a sack of cement into the mixer at work.

Chuck frowned. “Aw, not them. They’re the nicest couple I know… present company excepted.”

Steve grinned. “Yep. I know how to keep my woman happy.”

“You think maybe Trenton lost interest? Maybe even seeing someone else?”

“He wouldn’t,” said Steve.

The two men nodded, but the worry lines on their foreheads folded a little deeper.

***

Chuck’s fork was in his hand even before Debbie laid out his plate of spaghetti and meatballs. “I’m starved, thanks, Hon.” He slurped some steaming pasta. “This is great.”

Debbie glared across the table, waiting for him to eat so she could tell him to find out who ruined her violet patch and take out some trailer park justice; an eye for an eye.

“I also got some bad news about Mae and Trenton. They’re having some trouble. If it’s bad enough, they might get a divorce, even.”

“No! Are you sure?”

“Yeah. seems Mae has just gotten bored and Trenton is looking elsewhere.”

Debbie forgot about her violets. “Sweetie, I’m not really hungry. I’m going for a walk. Don’t worry about the dishes; I’ll get them when I get back.”

She took off her apron, grabbed her cigarettes and lighter and flitted out the door.

***

Maggie had just put her dinner dishes away when a loud rapping on her door startled her. She wasn’t expecting anyone, and had a good mind to remind whoever it was that good manners never go out of style.

Debbie stood outside Maggie’s door and banged on it again. The wooden plaque decorated with a filigree of vines and roses surrounding the name, “Stanton” did a jig in time with Debbie’s knocking.

“I just had to come see you. I’ve got a prayer request that just cannot wait.” Debbie stepped up and into the door, right across Maggie, and into the living room.

Maggie quickly followed. ‘Prayer request’ was a code that meant there was some juicy gossip to share ‘out of concern’ for someone. “Oh dear. Have a seat, I’ll get us some sweet tea.”

She set about, placing coasters on the coffee table and serving tall glasses of sweet tea with ice, garnished with a sprig of mint from her own window box. “Tell me all about it; what can I do?”

“Well, it looks like Mae and Trenton are going to get a divorce. I just thought you’d like to keep them in your prayers.” Debbie grabbed her glass and chugged.

Maggie raised her glass with a pinkie in the air. “I will surely pray for her! And Trenton, of course. I’m sure it’s mostly his fault anyway, make a joke of things so much.”

Debbie leaned closer. “I heard he’s seeing another woman.”

Maggie let out a huge gasp then regained her poise and slammed her mouth shut. She took a dainty sip of tea. “Oh dear. Poor Mae. I have an idea. Go get Chuck, I’ll grab Rob, and we’ll set up something special for her and Trenton. You know, a sexy, romantic evening with no interruptions.”

“That’s it! See you in a bit.”

***

The sun had just set when Trenton came home to see the fire pit behind his trailer decked out in Christmas lights. A stunning bonfire danced in the pit, and his patio table wore a full dress-dinner outfit including a checkered tablecloth, two lit candles, and a small basket in the middle holding a loaf of Bunny Bread and a bottle of Purple Cowboy wine, the “Tenacious Red” one.

He walked in the trailer and saw Mae laying on the couch. “Hey,” he shook her by the shoulder, “what did you do that to the fire pit for? Did I forget our anniversary or something?”

Mae rose and rubbed her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Trenton went to the window and pointed outside. Mae took a look then ran outside. Trenton changed out of his chef’s tunic into a comfy, flannel shirt and followed.

“What… is this even our house?” Mae made an uncomfortable laugh.

Chuck walked up and bowed. “Will the lady and gentleman please follow me? Your table is ready.” He swept an open hand toward the patio table. He led the way and pulled out a lawn chair for Mae. The couple looked at each other and shrugged then sat down.

“Don’t worry, buddy, we got your back,” Chuck whispered to Trenton, patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

Maggie slipped in next to Mae. “Hey, Sweetie. We all love ya, and we won’t let anything come between y’all.” She picked up the wine bottle, pulled out the cork and offered it to Trenton.

He shrugged, sniffed the cork and nodded. He gave a confused glance to Mae as Maggie poured the wine, made an awkward curtsy and left.

Debbie walked up and lay a platter of spaghetti and meatballs in front of the perplexed couple. She put one of her finest Chinet dinner plates in front of Trenton and glared at him with hell fire in her eyes. She turned to Mae and with a sympathetic look, placed her plate. “I swear, Darlin’. If he don’t treat you right, you let me know. I’m here for you.”

Debbie dished up the spaghetti with a flourish as long as the pasta. “I hope y’all don’t mind; this was me and Chuck’s dinner, so I had to reheat it. It’s really good though; I used sausage in the meatballs tonight. Enjoy!”

When Debbie left, Mae and Trenton looked at each other for a moment then burst out laughing.

“What are we supposed to do now?” Chuck asked and reached for the Parmesan.

“I think we’re supposed to eat?” Mae looked around and saw Chuck, Debbie, Steve, and Maggie peeking around the corner of their trailer. “Or put on a show for our hosts?” She stood up and hollered. “Y’all get out here right now!”

The four friends timidly stepped over to the table.

“What in the Sam Hill are y’all doing to us?”

Maggie cleared her throat and cast a guilty look at Debbie who gave one to Chuck who passed it along to Steve who hung his head and glanced at his wife, Ruth.

Ruth looked at Mae with eyes full of love. “You two mean so much to us. We love you both so much, and we don’t want to lose either one of you. We, all of us, thought a romantic, candlelight dinner would help, so here we are.”

Steve said, “Yeah, Trenton, you are always there for us, and Mae, you make the neighborhood potlucks the best in the county.”

“And if you go gallavantin’ off with someone else, so help me…” Debbie shut up and winced when Chuck pinched her arm.

“What she means is, this place wouldn’t be the same without you, and just wanted to help you find that love that got you two together in the first place.”

The group nodded with sad, concerned faces.

Trenton laughed. “You thought me and Mae—”

“—were going to break up?” Mae finished. She looked at Trenton, and he at her. They burst out laughing again. “You silly, wonderful people.”

Trenton waved the group over. “Come here, ya’ll.” He lined them up and paced in front of them like a general to his troops. “I want you to know I would fight to the death for this woman.”

Behind him, Mae yelled, “Me too! For you, that is!”

He continued. “You idiots have acted very…” he paused and stroked his beard, “…sweetly.” He laughed. “You’re crazy, you know that? That’s why we love y’all too.”

Mae came up and gathered everyone together. “Group hug!”

After the hugging and a little crying, Trenton said, “Okay, who’s got the beer?”

Steve raised his hand and ran across the street.

Mae looked at the women and said, “Who’s got some tortilla chips and salsa sitting around?”

Maggie smiled and ran home.

The conversations and friendship around the fire pit that night was the best they’d had in a long time. You see, money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer and chips. And when you combine those with good friends and a double-wide in Owensboro, it’s all priceless.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************

That’s all for now, folks! Remember, the good stuff goes in my book! I have a few more chapter’s being released to you first, exclusively. We got run in’s with a bank robber, sex, (a TON of sex,) and way more fun stuff! Tell me what you think in the comments section of my blog!

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Most Superheros Are

Trent's Gift To Me

Trent’s Gift To Me

Today, I posted a picture to my Instagram account, and the picture is something that is a very personal story for me and I thought it was important to share, because when I am sick, I sometimes feel like giving up. The story behind this is I have Parkinson’s Disease and sometimes I have falling spells. Sometimes they are big. I was having a morning where everything seemed kind of off balance.

I fell when I got out of bed, and I went through our bedroom wall.

We were waiting for it to be fixed, but in the meantime, it was just THERE and it stared back at me everyday. Nagging at me. You did this! You did this!  Each this rolling off my tongue like a snake hissing at it’s prey. One day I cried out, “Why can’t someone just relieve me of my suffering?!?!? “

My husband saw me staring at it one day. The next day I saw a piece of wood over the hole. With the message that read, “When you’re truly awesome you know that it is actually a burden, and wish day after day to be relieved of such a curse. Think of about 95% of superheroes.” After seeing that I refused to get the wall fixed. The wall is symbolic of so much more than anything I could ever some up in this blog post. 

Sometimes in life you fall, and there is a mess afterwards, but you have to get the fuck back up! I have a lot of people out here watching me and rooting for me, and even some are just waiting and begging and praying I fail! I might be flawed like a mother f**ker but most superheroes are!

**Author’s Note:

If you would like to add me on Facebook please do! And my Instagram is @Live4Hope I am a great friend and I love meeting new people and hearing their story!

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An Honest Discussion About Ferguson At Our Weekly Denny’s Meeting

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My family restored my faith in humanity tonight. I’ll get to that later, but first we sat down and ordered. Our waitress came over and took our order and looked like life had just kicked the shit out of her. She was not her normal perky self! I said, “What’s wrong pooky?”

She said, “My home burned down last night…I have eight kids.”

“Eight kids?” Dana asked. “My God that’s my worst nightmare!”

Our waitress let out a big chuckle and walked off.

Dana and I sat with the girls and Kristal. Dana said, “Welcome everyone to our weekly Denny’s Meeting! I’m glad to have you hear this week with us, Aisha!”

Aisha started to laugh and really I was just happy to be there with everyone. I wasn’t my normal self.

With tears in my eyes, I look at my beautiful bi racial nieces as we watch the news in Denny’s. “Girls, what do you think about what is going on in Ferguson, Missouri? Do you understand why people are so mad?”

My niece Alaya is 14. “Yes. They are mad because he was just a boy. People are mad because they think that the police officer that did it should have gotten in trouble. Black lives don’t matter.”

And that was when I lost it.

I look at my 15 year old niece Aisha that isn’t saying that much. Aisha always has a whole lot to say, “Aisha, do you understand why people are protesting?”

Aisha nods her head yes.

“Do you understand why they are protesting?”

“….Well…I understand why they are protesting…but….I don’t understand why they are burning down their own city…”I nod my head yes, “I think that is a very wonderful observation…but for some….burning and tearing that city down is so much more symbolic than just burning and tearing it down. It is tearing down every racial wall that anyone has ever built for you. Anyone that has ever made you feel different or unequal. Tonight is not a racial issue. It is a human rights issue.”

I keep going back to our waitress.Could you imagine your home burning down at the holidays?

Dana and the girls go to the restroom. I set there with Kristal and just stare off into the distance. I start to tear up again. “Shit ain’t ever gonna change Kristal…I’m SO sick of the same shit happening! I don’t know how much my more I can take!”

Kristal half way chuckles, “Maeviss…who you tellin? Just have to sit back and be like Gandhi. Be the change you seek in the world.”

Dana and the girls come back to the table. Our waitress  is weighing on both of our minds.Kristal calls over the cook. “Did her house really burn down?” He nods his head yes. Dana asks, “Does she really have eight kids?” He nods his head yes.

Kristal starts whispering in the cooks ear. She hands him her credit card and she keeps whispering in his ear. The cook gets a huge smile on his face.
The girls start smiling too. “Aunt Kristal are you giving that woman money?!?”
Dana says, “I want to help.” She pulls out her wallet.
Aisha and Alaya pull out dollar bills from their pocket. Aisha said, “It isn’t much, but here!”

Three grown men sitting next to us pay their bill. They are mad because they have been waiting for an hour for their food to get there, so they leave even though they have already have paid for their meal!

Their waitress sits their food down. Dana says, :”Cha-Ching! Free food!” She runs over and the girls are so embarrassed they get up and go to the car! Lmao, Dana said, “What?!?! You won’t be so embarrassed when we are eating it for breakfast tomorrow!”

Dana and Her Denny's Haul

I go home and when I walk in the door I fall to my knees and let out a long cry. My heart is with Ferguson tonight. Trent grabs me.I think about what Kristal said. What Dana said. What my nieces said.

And the only thing that kept playing over in my head was, “Don’t shoot. Don’t shoot.”

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My Complaint With Walmart

tis the reason

Dear Walmart,

I would like to lodge a formal complaint. Today I went to look at Christmas underwear with my friend Lexi. I was surprised that you have a decent collection of cute Christmas underwear! Some have reindeers on them, some are green ruffles, some have santa suspenders-the list goes on and on. What was more surprising was where you had them located.

They were located right next to the check out!

If I’m going to look through a bin of underwear, (which I promise is an entirely new low for me!) I would prefer to do it tucked away nicely in the back where the rest of the underwear is.  I don’t like having a  group of teenage boys leering at me while I am doing so!

I live in a small town too! In the time it took for me to pick out a pair, (ten minutes!) I ran into my boss, my preacher, and half of my coworkers! Now, every time I’m in church my preacher is going to look at me and think of a giant reindeer on my ass!

Let me cue you in on a secret, underwear is a sacred thing. The right pair can give you confidence you never thought you had! But, and for classier women it is something that you only want your partner to know what you are going to be wearing! Change the location, I promise that I am not the only person that felt embarrassed yesterday! I mean have you read my blog? I am not someone that embarresses easy!

Mortified Customer,

Maegan Hagan

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The Greatest Facebook Fight Of All Time

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Let me first start off by saying, this is in no way a reflection of my friends and I! …Well, maybe it is! To get started with this Facebook fight I first have to give you the backstory. My Facebook is set to Public. IE, any random asshole can add me.

A few months ago a man named Ronnie Moss added me. I honestly thought it was a Fake Profile, so I was like- I’m going to accept this and see how this plays out.

Last week, I went to volunteer with GOTV with the Daviess County Democrats. Of course I put up a status about it! I have to live my entire life on Facebook don’t you know!

Well, I had a visitor on my Facebook!

The Status That Started This War!

The Status That Started This War!

Okay, so here comes Ronnie Moss-

stop bitch Ronnie Moss

…Por Que? ….Are you calling me, Maegan Hagan a bitch? Obviously, you have no idea you are talking to…

Ronnie Moss

Ronnie Moss

Okay…so the next thing I say to him I’m not so proud of….lol but I have a bit of a temper…

My Response to Ronnie...

My Response to Ronnie…

Okay, so fast forward two weeks later…I was having a REALLY bad morning! I mean I woke up with bad news and negativity from two different people! So, I out up a Facebook Status, (I know this is just so immature! Jeez!)

The Devil is alive

The Devil is alive

And that is when the fun began! Bahahhaaha ! I mean between Ronnie and my friends I had pure entertainment all morning! Yes, if you haven’t figured it out I am a twisted bitch!

Dana was on a bit of a photo kick this morning!

Dana was on a bit of a photo kick this morning!

For some reason Dana my Sister-In-Law was on a HUGE photo kick this morning!

Ronnie Moss You Are

Ronnie Moss You Are

Normally I wouldn’t have paid this old man no mind, lmao, but I had had my fill of bullshit already for the day!

stfu ronnie

Lmao, Yes, I understand I sound like a two year old!

what you doing for him

Ugh…..

I rebuke you!

I rebuke you!

That’s when my friend Bee steps in…which anything Bee is involved in turns into pure pandamonium!

Bee is the fucking devil!

Bee is the fucking devil!

Im'ma stand right here

Im’ma stand right here

Good you burn!

Good you burn!

….So this is when Dana Realizes this guy may be serious…

dana mischelle is this guy being serious

So is Bee….

i am eternal

This is just too good….

you dum

I should mention Bee is a writer too….

bee you're

So, then Dana starts calling Ronnie Michael…

Dana gets his name wrong

And Bee is just Bee….

bee has me dead

Dana realizes she got his name wrong….

Dana realizes

dana bye felecia

I have something to say again….

that escalated quickly

Kristal Kimbley chimes in with her favorite saying, “Tell mama I LUV her!”

kristal kimbley status

And then the best and badest bitch ever, my friend Missy Bales AKA the movie star put the best photo comment together known to man…..

ronnie looks like

And it’s even more hilarious because the entire time I saw this dude I kept thinking, “I know his face from some where!”

Lmao, I love my friends AND you Ronnie Moss! Also, real quick-if you all get the chance my friend Bee Beard has a fan page Bee Beard-Writer,Poet,Activist

He really is like this ALL the time! And you will really love what he has to say! Oh! And add me, Maegan Hagan and like my FanPage!

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Mae Gets An Intervention in Denny’s

Kristal Kimbley, my niece Alaya. my sister in=law Dana Hagan, and that's me in the back!

Kristal Kimbley, my niece Alaya. my sister in=law Dana Hagan, and that’s me in the back!

I was in Denny’s tonight and my best friends staged an intervention on my ass! My phone died and I started getting nervous! I started rocking back and forth and everything. I said, “Kristal, can I borrow your phone?”

Kristal says, “About that….that’s why we have brought you here tonight.”

My best friend Kristal picks up her phone, “Dear Mae. We used to have a really good time together. Now all you want to do is be on Facebook.”

My niece Alaya pics up her phone, “Dear Aunt Mae, You used to be a good aunt. Now all you want to do is be on Facebook.”

Dana pics up her phone, “Mae, you are a like whore. I can’t be around you anymore.”

Immediately, I lashed out. “What about you whores?!? You’ve been texting people all night!” I look at Kristal, “You have literally been Vining hard all night long!”

It just so happens I can quit anytime I want to! But first….let me go update my status!

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Maegan Hagan Visit’s Jimmy John’s

Jimmy John's Fresh Sandwhich

Jimmy John’s Fresh Sandwhich

Let’s talk about Jimmy John’s Owensboro! Okay, so on two separate occasions I was almost in a car wreck over Jimmy John’s. The first time my beautiful and smart sister in law was driving me to the grocery store. She looked to the right on Frederica and said, “Oh my God! Jimmy John’s!” She got so excited she swerved the car! Okay! So, my first responses was, “Really?!? You almost killed us over a restaurant?!?” And she said, “No. You don’t get it. It’s Jimmy Johns!” I said, “What the f*&f is Jimmy Johns?!?” And she goes on to tell this long story about when she lived in Indy she would eat at. I was like…okay. That’s cool.
…The next day I’m in the car with Trent. Her brother and my husband. He is driving me to Starbucks’s AND HE DOES THE SAME THING! So, now I’ve almost died twice over some damn sandwiches. I said, “What is up with this family and this restaurant?!?”

So, I’m at work this last Friday and my best friend at work Sara wouldn’t stop talking about it! I mean she was going on about how great they are and how they deliver. At one point I was thinking, “Has Jim John’s hired you as a spokesperson? I mean are you being paid to endorse their sandwiches?”

So, today I leave my doctors office and my doctor had just gotten Jimmy Johns delivered. So, I left. And I don’t know why but I was like, “I’m going to go try it!”

I pull up to the restaurant and I’m mad anyways! Jimmy John’s was so packed we had to park across the street! I was talking to myself and everything! I was saying, “Damn sandwich It can’t be THAT great! I mean what’s so great about it? They put crack in it?!?’

Trent grabs my hand and says, “Mae. I promise you’ll get it. Please come on this journey of the mouth with me!”

We go inside and it is PACKED! The thing that immediately put a huge smile on my face was…they have a LOT of people working there. Like, there were at least twelve people working in a very tiny space. I was thinking, “I’m sold.” Owensboro needs this. That put a huge smile on my face. I mean the holidays are coming up and people need jobs. My total came to 10.52 for 2 number 2 big John’s. I was glad to pay. They got our sand which done HELLA fast! I mean like 2 minutes! The sand which was AMAZING! I mean it was SO fresh and the bread was like heaven! I’m sold, Owensboro! I’m sold!

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I Have A Way For You To Make $$$ For X-Mas!!!

1. Go here: http://csesa.me/?r=qeNXWUPag

2. sign up

3. Invite 6 friends

4. Credit Sesame will send you an email for a gift card for 150.00 in amazon credit

Super easy and it’s legit! All of the people on my couponing sites are having the gift card sent to their email!! I just need two more people so help me out!!!

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A Conversation Between Trent and I at Two in The Morning

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Trenton sleeping with Henry and Stella

Me to Trent at two in the morning:Hey! Wake up!

Trent:…..What? **grumbles**

Me: Do you love our lives together?

Trent: Yes,(half asleep,).

Me: Fine. Whatever. Nevermind. **sighs**

Trent: **sits up in bed and turns the lights on** Yes I LOVE our lives together! I love our home! I love Henry! I love Stella! I love YOU! We may not have much, but it’s ours…

Me: …Is this what you imagined your life like when you were a little boy?

Trent: No! Little boys don’t think that far in the future! I wanted to drive the street sweeper! BECAUSE IT’S AWESOME! ….What did you want to be when you grew up?

Me: The princess and the pea.

Trent: GO FIGURE!
…You’re my princess. You’re kingdom might not be vast as you expected, but you still are the princess of the court…Now go to sleep.

Me: I can’t… I think there is a pea under this mattress.

Trent: GAH!

#TrentandMae #Ourlifetogether #MaeganHagan #TrentonHagan #life#marriage

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The Shitty Tuesday Blues

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I had a really bad stomach ache Monday and I couldn’t go to the bathroom.
So, Trent has me take a whole sleeve of chocolate laxatives, and I did because I was thinking that was the normal amount!

It was DOUBLE what I was supposed to take!
In fact, it was the entire box!

So here I sm shitting myself to death pretty consecutively from 6:30 am till 8am this morning.

So, I finally get some sleep and I wake up and go to work…

Thirty minutes in I didn’t make it to the bathroom! I shit ALL over myself!

I am totally going to get Trent back! He isn’t going to even see it coming!

But, first I need to rehydrate….

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The Dreams I have For My Blog

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I want to find an investor. I want to put it out into the Universe that I am looking.
It has to be someone that has the same goal as me- to spread my message of empowerment for women, gays – anyone that is different. 
I need an investor because I do all of my writing from my smart phone. While it can be done, it would be excellent if I wouldn’t have to rewrite everything I type a thousand times.
I need someone that can guide me in the right direction for my future.
Everyday, my clicks are going up more and more. I just need your help. If you know anyone willing to invest in my future,  please email me or respond.
I believe in this blog,  and I’m banking on me and I hope you will too! 

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